The 2nd of August
by GoingVintage
Summary: It was supposed to be just one night...just one night to get her out of his system once and for all, right? So why did that particular date become everything to Puck and Rachel? Puckleberry future fic. Multi-chapter. 8/17/10 - complete.
1. Just One Night?

**Author's Note: So this is first chapter (of who knows how many chapters) of the top-secret fic I've been tweeting about in Twitter-land. Anyway, I hope you enjoy. This plot bunny has been hopping around in my brain for a while now. And to all my reviewers, I've been really crappy about responding to reviews lately. I PROMISE to better with this story. I need to stop sucking so bad....**

**Anyway, on to Lima!**

* * *

The first time she was his, really_ his _in every way, they were in the final moments of their childhood. The days of lockers, cafeteria lunches, and Glee club practices were all part of the not-too-distant past and college life was just on the other side of the door. The future lay ahead - big, bold, completely unknown, and theirs for the taking. But as the uncertainty of the future rushed toward them to become the present, they found themselves clinging to what was left of their youth for as long as possible. Later, they would both think it was strange that they chose the last vestiges of their adolescence to finally take the step that they'd started years before.

He was sitting on his bed – the same bed he'd been sleeping in since he was 10 – strumming his fingers lazily over the strings of his guitar when his mind drifted to her. He knew that she was just a few streets away and at that very moment, probably preening and practicing acceptance speeches in the big mirror that sat on the white dresser in her very yellow bedroom. In the few months since graduation, his mind had traveled in her direction far too often. He blamed it on the fact that he'd seen Tina and Artie and Quinn and Mike, even Finn and Santana, but not her. She hadn't shown up at any of their gatherings despite her repeated invitations. No, he hadn't actually expected to see her but still found himself disappointed when she hadn't shown. She was the girl who was always _there, _in the middle of everything and involved in everybody's lives_. _With her big mouth and even bigger dreams, she was impossible to ignore. So he hadn't ignored her during their last year of high school; he'd just avoided her as much as possible, even if she was never _really _off his radar. He knew from the brief, PG-rated interludes they'd shared over the years that every stolen moment with her was like playing with a box of matches in a room full of sparklers – it would only take one real spark to start a fire that would be slow to burn out. So he sang with her when he had to, talked to her even less than that, and had given her a wide berth because doing otherwise would have been a roulette game that even _he _hadn't been brave enough to play.

But now high school was over, all the summer parties were winding down, and it was the end of the first day of an especially sweltering August. In just 12 days, he was hopping a plane to Pennsylvania to start college at a school that he'd never imagined would actually accept him. He hadn't allowed himself to become a "Lima loser" after all. He was getting the fuck outta that cow-town to study music full-time. Later, when he thought about that night, he would blame the prospect of leaving the town and the state of Ohio for putting a filter over his judgment. By the time he'd reasoned that maybe going to her house wasn't the wisest of decisions, he'd slipped on his shoes and was already climbing into his truck. But it was the season of change - a time for new beginnings - in both of their lives and it was that impending transition that drove Noah Puckerman to Rachel Berry's house on a Friday night, long after the sun had set and when the city streets were all but deserted.

As he rapped softly on the door, he shifted his weight from one foot to the other and grasped the neck of the wine bottle tighter. It had taken him five minutes to get out of his truck once he'd parked in her driveway. Contemplating rejection and the fear of starting something that he may regret later left him rooted in the cracked, dusty vinyl seat of his old Chevy for far longer than he liked. But then he thought about all the times when he wanted to see, just _see_,if the _something _he had always felt was there really was…and if it was, could _it_ happen? It was the desire to see if lighting that match to create that spark that finally forced his tall, muscular body from the cab of his ancient vehicle. And when she opened the door in tiny pink shorts and a white tank top, her hair swept up off her neck in a messy ponytail, the look she gave him told him that it might actually have a chance of happening. _Finally_.

Rachel had been hard at work, organizing her closet and tossing out the clothes that wouldn'tbe making the trip to New York City with her when she'd heard the knock on the door. Glancing at the clock, concern registered. _10:14? Who would possibly visit at that time? _Rachel had padded quickly down the steps and pulled the door open, fear dancing through her veins over the prospect of such a late night visitor. Shock registered on her face, though, as she appraised her visitor. _Noah. _She'd just been thinking about him. She wasn't sure why but she'd found herself wondering what he was doing on that Friday night as she stood in the dimly-lit walk-in closet. It wasn't like she'd even seen him since graduation back in early June. But even still, her thoughts had drifted in his direction and she'd been nearly positive that he was at a party, probably sucking the cheap lip-gloss off a junior Cheerio. But as she looked at him standing on her front porch, board shorts over his muscular thighs and brown sandals on his feet with a wine bottle in his hand and that smirk on his face, the only thing she had the power to do was open the door and invite him in. If she bothered to be honest with herself, she would have to admit that she _wanted _him there, in her home, on that night. She'd been thinking about him, she reason, simply because she wanted to see him before she left Lima in twelve days. She'd told both Mercedes and Quinn just earlier in the week that she wanted to at least see him to say goodbye before her future took her away from Lima. So as Rachel and Noah stood staring at one another that night on her porch, their worlds collided in melancholy and something else that was still indefinable.

When he stepped inside, his arm brushed against her breast, causing heat to immediately sweep through her like an unexpected wind. She saw that his body was tense as his eyes darted over the darkened rooms, surveying and analyzing his surroundings.

"My dads aren't home," she supplied casually. She watched the tension in his broad shoulders ease and he breezed, "cool," before plopping down on the couch, the wine bottle still encased in his long fingers.

She wanted to ask, "what are you doing here?" but instead, she wordlessly padded into the dark kitchen and pulled out two wine glasses and the corkscrew. Her hands shook slightly and it perturbed her. She was hardly the 16 year-old-girl that had once allowed him to kiss her senseless. And she was seriously different than the wiser 17-year-old, recently dumped girl who turned to him for gentle, soothing caresses after her last relationship had ended in a big flaming pile of sheet music. She was 18-years-old now, weeks away from starting college, and far more experienced than she had been before. But that was thing about Noah: he could reduce her to a ball of nerves with just a look from those mysterious eyes.

Rachel returned with the glasses, sitting cross-legged on the couch a few feet away from him, and unscrewed the cork before handing him the bottle. He filled their glasses silently and then she took a sip, looking up at him through her lashes as she drank.

"To what do I owe the pleasure, Noah?" she finally questioned as she placed her wine glass on the coffee table.

Puck wanted to tell her the truth. _Because I can't leave Lima wondering if you felt what I felt. Because I want you so goddamn much that I get hard every time I even think about you. _Instead, he shrugged. "Well, everybody's about to leave so I just wanted to stop by. You haven't come to any of the parties and nobody's really seen you except Quinn and Mercedes._"_

The look on her face told him that she didn't entirely believe him and his reason for visiting. Then again, he realized, maybe he was just _hoping_ that she was on to him.

"I have been keeping to myself, Noah...I really didn't think anyone would notice that I wasn't around this summer. I have never exactly been the most popular person, you know." Without looking at him, she pursed her lips and took another sip of wine.

"Would still have been nice to see you," he offered awkwardly. _This is not going like I'd planned. Fuck, Puckerman, figure this shit out. This is your last goddamn chance. _So..." Puck looked uncomfortably around the room. "Do we need to hide the wine bottle in case your dads see it when they get back?" _Are your dads going to be home soon?_

Rachel shook her head. "No. They're on vacation until about four days before I leave for school so they won't be returning tonight. I'll just put the bottle out with the trash, provided we finish it, of course."

"Oh, we'll finish it," Puck promised with a smirk as he poured more wine into her glass.

Puck watched her lips press against the rim of the glass as she took a sip and his mind went to the many times he'd thought about her mouth. From her incredible singing voice to the intensity of her kisses to the things he only thought about in his bedroom while he stroked himself, her mouth had always tempted him.

"So..." Rachel looked around the room, doing her best to ignore the awkwardness. "Are you ready to head off to school? When are you leaving?"

Puck sat his wine glass down on the coffee table and leaned back into the couch. "I'm leaving on August 13th and yeah, I think I'm ready, mostly. I mean, there's only so much shit that's going to fit into a college dorm and since I'm flying, I can't take too much, ya know? How 'bout you?"

Rachel sighed loudly and then her face became animated. "I've been throwing out clothes and junk that I don't need. I don't know what to take to college, honestly. Noah, this is a tough decision! It's just....it's exasperating!" She wilted against the couch and took another sip of wine. "I don't think I'll ever be ready to leave," she added.

"But you're excited to go, right? You wanna go?"

Nodding, Rachel took another sip. "I do..."

The hesitation in her voice caused his brow to furrow. "You don't sound convincing, Rachel. You've dreamed of getting out of here and heading to New York. It's what you've lived for! It's what we've all had to listen to you drone on and on about every five fucking minutes for years."

A sad laugh escaped from Rachel's lips. "I know, right?" Standing up, she paced in front of the couch. Puck watched her long, tanned legs as she moved back and forth in front of him. His fingers itched to reach out and wrap his palm around her thigh. "It's just..."

"What?" He reluctantly pulled his eyes away from her legs and met her gaze.

"Are you ever afraid to grow up? I mean, I know we're not little kids anymore but we were in high school and still dependent on our parents and now, in just a few weeks time, we'll be living in another state and totally on our own. It's...it's intimidating."

Puck smirked and reached for the wine glass. "Rachel, relax. And sit your ass down. You'll kick ass in New York. The entire fucking city won't know what hit it. A_nnnn_d you need another drink."

She plopped back down next to him, the wide strap of her top sliding down to bare her shoulder. She didn't notice at first and instead took a drink. When she felt his eyes burning into her, she realized that he was staring at the exposed skin, his eyes sweeping over her shoulder and collarbone and down to the gentle swell of her breast. For a few lingering moments, as the heat from before returned to her body and pooled between her thighs, she allowed him to look his fill before slowly sliding it back up on her shoulder. It was in the look in his hazel eyes when they trailed her fingers as she pushed the strap back into place (a look she'd seen before) that fully clarified his reason for visiting. He wanted her. The realization hit her like an electrical shock and nearly caused her to shudder in his presence. _Does he...? Do I...? Can we...? _And she...she needed another drink. Holding out her wine glass for more, he topped it off with a grin.

An hour later, Rachel was giggling and obviously on her way to being very drunk. She'd launched into a tirade about how she never could understand why Kurt hated her so much, even after she'd become friends with Quinn and Mercedes. And then she began laughing hysterically as she recalled Mr. Schuester and his many, many attempts at rapping over their three years in Glee Club. Puck, who could handle his alcohol, watched her laugh and smile and couldn't remember when he'd ever seen her so relaxed. The worry lines that often crossed her forehead were gone, leaving a clear, smooth swath of skin in its wake. Her cheeks were flushed from the heated blood caused by the alcohol. And her hand kept landing on his leg, squeezing his knee as she laughed. Puck found himself staring at her lips again. He wanted to kiss her…he hadn't kissed her in so fucking long. However, as strong as the desire to claim her lips was, he held back. But as he watched her, he saw that her eyelids were beginning to droop and he realized his chances were disappearing _fucking fast_.

_Fuck. She's a sleepy drunk._

A few minutes later, once she'd quieted down slightly and when her head lulled back, she said, "I'm a little drunk, Noah…why are your eyes spinning around your face?"

He groaned in frustration and stood up, walking over to her. "C'mon, babe, let's get you to bed."

Rachel pointed at the bottle. "But there's still a sip left! We can't throw it out!"

Puck glanced at the bottle, picked it up, and then chugged the last inch of wine. Slamming the bottle down, he ordered, "Up to bed, Rachel. The wine's gone now."

She giggled and held her arms out for him to help her up. She leaned heavily on him as he helped her up the stairs as she yammered about how steep the steps were while he tried his damnedest to ignore the feel of her body against his. He knew that the things he had hoped would happen that night were certainly not happening now. He wanted to kick his own ass for getting her drunk.... As usual, he'd fucked up his own luck.

Puck nudged the door to her bedroom open with his foot and guided her toward the bed. She crawled across the covers and snuggled into her pillow as he flipped off the closet light, sending the room into darkness.

He made his way back toward her bed and looked down at her. "I'll lock the door on my way out, Rach."

He bent over her instinctively but then stopped himself. _Was I just about to kiss her? _He pushed himself upright again but she snagged his wrist in her hand.

"Stay with me, Noah….you've had too much to drink to drive."

As Puck stood there, he knew it wasn't true. He could hold quite a bit of alcohol and he was completely sober. Driving was no problem. He had no reason to stay.

Except he did.

_Her_.

Even as he grunted in protest, he gave in. "Okay, I'll stay."

He kicked his shoes off and crawled into the bed with her. Flipping onto his back, he threw an arm over his head and stared into the dark room. He felt her shifting beside him and her bare arm rubbed against his. He clenched his eyes tightly against the need to just fucking _take her_ and flipped on his side away from her. As he closed his eyes, he wondered what the fuck he was still doing there, really. It made no sense.

Except it did.

_Her_.

Realizing that these were his last moments with her, he told his brain to shut the fuck up. He would sleep for a few hours, make sure she wasn't hungover, and then go home and occupy himself with a few last minute, nameless flings until he left Lima, and Rachel, in the past where they both belonged. _S'fucking easier that way. _With this determination, he fell asleep.

* * *

Puck drifted out of sleep a few hours later. He glanced around the room, slightly disoriented at first, until he spied the clock. _3:56am. _Turning his head, he saw Rachel asleep on her side, facing him. In the moonlight, he watched the rise and fall of her chest and the deep valley of her breasts visible down the gaping neckline of her tank top. He swallowed hard against desire as he watched her sleep. She shifted slightly, a soft sigh escaping her parted lips, and he found himself rolling toward her.

He had to touch her. Desire shot through him and socked him the stomach as he looked at her sleeping serenely. _I have to fucking touch her. _It was why he'd shown up in the first place. This girl – this tiny wisp of a woman –and the fact that he never even attempted to see if she felt what he felt was _the_ single biggest regret of his high school years.

When his eyes settled on her lips, he knew only one thing: he wasn't leaving for Pennsylvania with a single fucking regret.

_Fuck it._

Propping himself up on his elbow, he pushed her hair back and his eyes raked over the long line of her neck. While she still slept, he bent over and dragged his lips against the tender flesh of her collarbone. At first, there was no reaction from her slumbering body. He pulled back, glancing at her face, before dipping his head to press his lips against hers. It was only then that Rachel's eyes flew open. Puck stilled his lips as he waited for her to push him away. But when her arms went around his neck and she kissed him back, Puck snapped with desire. He rolled her flat on her back, towering over her as he nipped at her lips before taking them fully again. Beneath him, Rachel softly undulated her hips and even the gentlest of contact seared through his skin. This – this _thing_ he'd wanted for so long, was actually fucking happening.

_Here._

_Now._

His hands found their way down the sides of her body and he tugged the top over her head, locking his gaze with hers. He expected to see hesitation but instead, he only saw need. The look in her eyes – like she had wanted him for as long as he had wanted her – was the final nail in the coffin of his self-control. He was sick of fighting it. She was his – if only for right now and with only a few days left. That night, in her white four-post bed, she was _his_.

Puck disengaged his body from hers, pulling his shirt over his head and throwing it so that it landed somewhere in the darkness and then he pulled Rachel to him, their bare chests making contact for the first time. He ran his hand over her side to her hip and then up her body, flicking his thumb against her nipple. Before she could cry out, she pulled his head to her and she kissed him hard. Her heart was pounding and she could feel the throb of it deep inside her.

How long had she thought of this?

How many times, as she'd watched him kiss this girl or that one in the hallway, had she felt a twinge of jealousy and even regret that she'd had her chances for this and hadn't taken them out of fear or a sense of propriety?

Why was it, during the _few _times that she'd given into need and self-pleasure, that it had been his name to escape her lips?

When she'd been handed her diploma, she thought the door had closed on these chances. But as his full lips sipped against the flesh of her breasts before sliding his tongue over her nipple and then sucking it between his teeth, she realized the door was very much open and then her brain went fuzzy.

_More. _All she knew was that she needed more.

Puck jumped, almost shocked into stillness, when he suddenly felt Rachel's hands on the waistband of his shorts, jerking open the snaps, yanking down the zipper, and then pushing them down. When they were halfway down his thighs, her hand felt in the dark until it brushed against the heated flesh between his legs. Encircling him with her hand, she shuddered at his groan and began to stroke him. He threw his head back, eyes clenched tightly, because this...this was beyond his wildest fucking fantasy.

Puck pulled his hips back as he loomed over her to allow her more room to stroke him. She arched up into him, her breasts rubbing against his chest as she lifted her head to kiss his lips as she slid the soft steel of his cock through her hand.

_So good, Noah._

_So goddamn good, Rachel._

Rachel opened her eyes when she felt him pull away. His cock still in her hand, she saw his hand go to the pockets of the shorts still dangling from his thighs. She let go of him and arched her back, sliding her own shorts down and off.

She watched as Puck pulled a condom from the shorts. His eyes were on her splayed thighs and the wetness, slickly gleaming in the moonlight, between them as he pulled the condom from the foil packet.

So many things he wanted to do to her.

So many things she'd _let _him do.

But now was not the time. He needed her _now. _

Puck locked eyes with her in the near dark as he smoothed the condom down over his cock. He shoved his shorts off and crawled between her legs, sitting back on his haunches. Hooking her thighs in the crook of his arms, he pulled her down the bed to angle her _just _right. Then he leaned over her, kissed her hotly, and took her.

She shuddered as the blunt head pushed in deeply and cried out into his mouth when he bottomed out. But then it was pleasure, sheer pleasure, as he gripped her hips and guided her on his length.

Rachel's eyes were clenched in ecstasy.

_This._

_Noah._

_At last._

Puck gritted his teeth, focusing on making this with Rachel last. If this was the only time he'd ever get to be with her like this, he wanted it to feel more like the main course than an appetizer. But reasoning and control left his body as he felt her slicking over him, tugging around him, pulling him deeper, wordlessly urging him on. _This was beyond…_

He fought against his release but knew it was futile. Dropping his hand from the knee he'd been holding wide open, he rubbed against her clit. She was so slippery, so wet for _him. _ She keened into his mouth and pushed herself into his body as she clenched around him.

He felt the burn low in his stomach and tried to push it away. _No. Not yet. _

But Rachel had other ideas. Throwing her thighs tightly around his waist, she pulled him against her and begged, "Please," into his ear. Puck slid his hands to her waist and held her tightly as he pounded into her, losing rhythm as the orgasm tore through his body.

Seconds before he came, he said his first words to her in hours. "Let go, baby, please let go for me." Locking his lips to hers, he groaned her name. As Puck lost himself in her, he felt her tremble and then cry out, her arms wrapping tightly around his shoulders to pull him into a desperate, pleading kiss as her body clenched around him.

He softly kissed her through her orgasm, his lips never leaving hers, until she stopped shuddering and wilted in his arms. Puck lowered her to the covers and she sighed as her back hit the cool blankets. He unwound his arms from around her and then held tight to the condom as he slipped out of her. Climbing from the bed, he went into the bathroom, discarding the condom, before coming back.

He lay back down on the bed and turned to look at her. Her eyes were wide as she stared at him. He turned on his side and reached out, pushing her face from her hair.

"What?" he asked softly as her gaze continued to bore into him.

"I'm…I'm just shocked that we just did that," she said honestly.

Puck stared at her, unsure of what to say. If she was going to be regretful, he didn't want to hear it. He rolled away from her but she scooted up behind him, throwing her arm across his waist and leaning her head towards his. "But I'm glad we did," she added softly.

He turned his head toward her and captured her lips to kiss her again. Then he rolled them, tucking her against him, and kissed her head. Come daylight, he knew he'd have to go. But right now, it was the still-dark morning hours of August 2nd and that meant that she was still _his_.

* * *

When daylight had barely begun to filter into the room, Puck popped his eyes open again. Rachel was no longer in his arms; in fact, she wasn't even in the bed. Confused, he pushed out of the bed, pulling on his clothes, before he ambled through the house. Standing at the foot of the stairs, he heard a glass clink downstairs.

When he stepped into the kitchen, the only light on was above the stove and it shown dimly into the large room. Rachel was standing by the sink in nothing but a t-shirt, leaning against the cabinets with a glass in her hand.

"Rach?" he said softly from the darkened doorway.

She looked up and smiled. "Sorry I woke you, Noah. My tongue felt like sandpaper when I woke up so I needed some water. Would you like a drink?"

Puck nodded, stepping into the room. His hands slid into the pockets of his shorts as he watched her turn to get out another glass and fill it up with ice and then water. She handed it to him and he reached out, their fingers brushing as he took the glass from her. Taking a sip, he leaned against the island across from her. He watched her take another drink and saw her brow furrow slightly.

"You okay?"

Rachel nodded and then put her hand on her forehead. "I don't drink much, obviously. My head is spinning a tiny bit."

Puck stepped over by her and put his arm around her. "No, I mean are you okay about…"

She looked up at him as he did, her eyes wide and confused for a moment, before her body seemed to relax and she leaned against him. "Am I okay about the fact that we had sex?" She shook her head. "Yes, yes…I'm absolutely okay."

Puck relaxed slightly, his lips brushing against her forehead. "No regrets?"

"No, Noah…well, other than drinking far too much wine so now I have a horrible headache. But as far as being with you? None. It was...it was something that I think I've wanted for a very long time. I just never thought it would happen."

Puck blew out a breath, her words - the same words as the ones in his head - sent relief through his body. He couldn't handle it if she had regretted even a moment of it. Finally, he snickered and squeezed her shoulder. "Thank fuck." He spied the empty wine bottle sitting on the countertop and then looked over at Rachel. "And I'm sorry you feel like shit. You just had wine, babe. I could have brought a bottle of bourbon and then you'd be vomiting. But I know you…wine is as hardcore as you're willing to get."

Rachel nodded, her hair brushing against his shoulder. "You're right."

She took a big gulp of water and then looked up at him. "How do you know me so well, anyway?"

Puck shrugged. _Because I watch you. _"Just do," he offered. She looked up at him, expecting him to speak more. When he didn't, she stepped out from underneath his arm.

"I think I'm ready to head back to bed now, Noah."

Puck stayed rooted in his spot as he watched her walk away. "I…I guess I'm going to head home," he finally said. He didn't want to leave. He wasn't ready. But he knew that if he didn't leave then, it would only make it worse later.

She nodded and said, "Oh, okay." Puck thought he saw hesitancy in her eyes but when she didn't say anything further, he walked toward the door.

He pulled his keys from the sideboard and shoved them and his cell phone into his pocket. When he opened the door, the heat that was already brewing for that summer day hit him in the face. He stepped out onto the porch, surveying the deserted street before turning back toward Rachel.

"Thank you for the wine...and for visiting, Noah," Rachel whispered softly, looking down at the floor. "I'm glad you came to see me. I would have hated to leave without being able to say goodbye."

Puck watched her, his head full of questions that he wanted to ask her and things that he wanted to say. Instead, he cupped her face in his large hand and tilted her chin up for a kiss.

When he pulled away, he softly said, "Thank you."

She looked at him curiously. "For?"

"You know why," he said sheepishly.

Rachel reddened but then kissed him again quickly. "You're welcome."

"G'bye, Rach," he whispered. "Good luck with school."

"You, too, Noah."

He watched her smile softly at him before closing the door. Long after she was gone, he still stood outside her house, staring. He'd finally answered his question and although she hadn't said it, her physical reaction spoke volumes. She'd wanted him as much as he had wanted her.

And now he'd be able to leave for Pennsylvania without the wonder.

But as he climbed into his truck and started it up, he wondered if he'd be able to stay away from her for the next 11 days. _Just one time, right? That's all I wanted? _

Backing out of her driveway, he looked up at her bedroom window and groaned. No, now that he'd had her once, that slow burn he'd been so careful to avoid was now scorching its way through his gut.


	2. All Those August 2nds

**Author's Note: As I stated in my last update of BWABS, there will be no more updates until at least this coming weekend because I'm heading to Chicago on Tuesday for Glee Live (Mark Salling. In. Person! Can't. Breathe!) Will hopefully have an update to this story in about a week! **

* * *

It made no sense. Even as Rachel closed the door to her car and stood in the street, staring up at his house, she knew it made absolutely zero sense. Puck hadn't even left her house more than 10 hours before but now, there she was, walking up the sidewalk toward his front door. Since he'd slipped away in the early hours of the morning of August 2nd, Rachel had been able to think of little else. She'd finished going through her closet while she thought about his lips on hers. She could barely concentrate on fixing lunch because she could practically feel his body over hers, remembering his flushed skin against hers as she came. Her faced burned hot and her entire body seemed to hum.

By late afternoon, she was going crazy. Reliving the amazing, middle-of-the-night sex she'd had with Noah Puckerman had turned her into a hormonal, horny teenager. So, sucking in a quick breath to calm her nerves, she blamed her hormones for causing her to knock on Puck's door.

When Puck pulled the door open, he looked momentarily stunned. "Rach…Wha—what are you doing here?"

Rachel looked up at him, meeting his eyes boldly. Wordlessly, his hand reached out and his fingers wrapped around her arm. Pulling her inside, he shut the door and pushed her up against it. Lips sliding over her neck, he quickly unbuttoned her shirt and yanked her bra down, freeing her breasts to the chilly air of the room.

"So fucking glad you're here," he groaned against her flesh. His finger and thumb gripped and gently twisted her nipple, causing her knees to buckle. She leaned her head against his shoulder, her lips gently biting him through the thin cotton of his shirt as his hands roamed over her body.

"I know I just left your house this morning but, _fuck_, Rachel…" he groaned, pulling away to meet her eyes.

She nodded, knowing _exactly_ what he meant, and trembled but said nothing when his hands cupped her breasts, the rough pads of his thumbs abrading her nipples. Her back slowly arched toward him as he dropped his hand, sliding it under her skirt. He roughly shoved the crotch of her panties aside, his cock throbbing at how wet she already was, and slid two fingers inside her, twisting them to rub _that _spot. Rachel's eyes went wide and she gasped out, "Noah!" as she instantly came around his fingers.

Puck held her, his hand cupping the crown of her head, as she shuddered against him and then he laughed against her forehead.

"Shit, babe. I barely touched you!"

Rachel popped her eyes open and looked up at him with flushed cheeks. The smug, satisfied look on his face made her smile, even as he still softly worked his fingers inside her. "I couldn't help it! I've been thinking about...what happened all day and...."

"You were fuckin' turned on?" He finished for her, eyebrow cocked with both amusement and arousal.

She nodded, embarrassed. "Yes."

Puck slid his now-wet fingers from her body and rubbed them slowly over her mouth, coating her lips with her own essence, before he dropped his lips to kiss her, his tongue flicking out to taste her. The intimacy of the act sent a thrill through her and she felt her core throb in time with the beat of her heart. When they parted, he slipped his hand into hers.

"C'mon," he motioned toward the steps and then pulled her up to his room. When the door was closed behind them, he flipped the lock and then carefully peeled her clothes from her body. As soon as she was naked, he stripped his own clothes off and backed her toward the bed. He settled on top of her, his hands sliding down her body to push her legs open. Their tongues tangled before he slid down her body, branding her with the heat of his wide, long tongue before he used his mouth to bring her to another orgasm. Only once she was panting and insisting that she could handle _no _more did he finally slide himself inside her.

An hour later, Rachel lay next to Puck, their heads sharing a pillow. Sunlight filtered in through the blinds as she intertwined their fingers, lifting their hands up to stare at where they were joined.

"This is completely scandalous," she muttered.

"What is?"

"Sex. In the middle of the day!"

Puck laughed low in his throat and flipped on his side to face Rachel. "You and Finn didn't get too freaky, did you?"

Rachel turned to face him. "Please! He was…water to your jet fuel."

Puck's body shook with laughter. "Poor guy," he said.

"I didn't realize what I _wasn't _experiencing, obviously," she said defensively. She reached out and poked a finger into his chest. "Not all guys have _your _sexual prowess, Noah."

Puck snagged her hand and held it against his chest as he leaned toward her. When their lips met, he slid his hand under her waist and flipped her on her back, pulling himself up on his arms to lean over her. She sighed in contentment and wound her arms around his neck.

"This is good," she said softly. "I always knew it would be."

Puck thought about asking her for how long she'd thought about how good it could be between them. A month? A year? For as long as he'd been wondering? But instead of talking, though, he shifted between her thighs, snagged a condom from the nightstand, and tore it open. He watched her watch him as he rolled it down over his erection and then, before she even had time to register his movements, he quickly pulled her on top of him and bucked his hips up, impaling her on him while he latched his lips to hers to absorb her whimpers. Looking up at her through a hooded gaze as he thrust into her, he confessed, "I did, too."

* * *

Sunday afternoon, Rachel, Mercedes, and Quinn were sitting in Rachel's living room, going over the college packing lists that Rachel had devised for them.

Mercedes stared incredulously at the list. "Rach…I don't need to pack a full year's worth of floss. There are stores in Cincinnati. And…uh…my dad's a dentist so I can get it for free!"

Mercedes lifted her head and glanced at Rachel when she didn't answer. Rachel was staring blindly at her paper, a small smile on her lips. Mercedes met Quinn's eyes in silent question over the way their friend was acting.

"Rachel?" Quinn prodded.

Rachel seemed to pull herself from her haze, glancing between the two girls. "What?"

Mercedes crossed her arms. "What's up with you?"

"Nothing!" Rachel shook her head adamantly. "Nothing at all."

A flash of red outside the window pulled Quinn's attention away from the obvious goofy girl in front of them. "Why is Puck pulling into the driveway?"

Rachel blanched and stood up. "I'll go see!" she announced before shooting out the door.

Quinn and Mercedes raced to the window and watched as Puck slid from the truck, closed the door, and shoved his hands in his pockets. Rachel stood about a foot away from him, her fingers stroking the hem of her shorts, as they spoke for a few minutes. And then, as Quinn and Mercedes peeked out the window, Puck slid his hands into Rachel's hair, tipped her head back, and kissed her. The girls turned to one another, squealing, before hurrying to look out again. When the two parted, Puck climbed back into his truck and drove away. Mercedes and Quinn scrambled back to their seats and when Rachel walked back in, they looked fully engrossed in their checklists.

When she sat down, Quinn eyed Mercedes as if she expected Mercedes to say something. All she got was a shrug of the shoulders in return.

"So… are you coming to Brittany's party tonight?" Quinn asked as she sat the list down on the table, her brain screaming to ask Rachel _what in the hell _she'd just seen.

Rachel looked up and stared at her absently. "Brittany's party? Um…I don't know."

Mercedes groaned. "Girl, you haven't been to a party yet this year. You'd _better _be there. I'm sure Puck will be there, too."

"Puck?" Rachel asked innocently. "What does he have to do with anything?"

Mercedes pointed at the window. "Considering he was just here and he sucked your face off before he left, I think he's got somethin' to do with somethin'."

Rachel's face turned red and she stared at her two friends, both of whom had dated Puck and one of which had bore his child two years before. "There's nothing going on with No—Puck."

Quinn's eyebrow flew towards her hair as a smile upturned her lips. "I don't believe you…but when you're ready to talk, you know we're dying to hear. And we _expect _to see you at that party tonight."

Later that evening, Rachel was waiting on the porch when Puck pulled back into her driveway. She skipped out to his truck, pulled the door open, and slid inside. Puck immediately hauled her into his lap, kissing her heavily. Rachel's fingers gripped the back of his neck and moaned as his tongue dueled with hers. When he pulled away, he pressed his forehead against hers and said, "So we're going to Brittany's party?"

Rachel nodded, crawling off his lap. "I promised Quinn and Mercedes." She smoothed her skirt down and then climbed over to her side, slipping the seat belt over her shoulder.

Puck pulled out of the driveway and headed the five streets over to Brittany's house. When they pulled up outside, the music was thumping so loudly that they could hear it.

"Cops are gonna come, Rach. Music's too fucking loud. Britt knows better."

Rachel bit her lip. "I…I really don't wanna—"

Puck cut her off. "Let's not go, k?"

He threw the truck back into drive and pulled back out onto the street. Rachel pulled out her phone, sending Quinn and Mercedes a text. _[Can't make it after all. Feeling ill. Sorry.]_

Puck looked over at her and asked, "Sending your regrets?"

"Yes," she sighed as she put the phone back down. "They won't believe me. I think they saw us kiss today."

Puck groaned. "I know they're our friends but…fuck 'em. This is about us."

Pulling back into her driveway, Puck shut off the truck and undid his belt. Sliding across the bench to Rachel, he undid hers and then immediately unbuttoned her shirt.

"Noah! We're in the driveway!" Rachel looked frantically around in the dark. When she looked back, Puck was reaching across her to push her door open.

"Move," he ordered. She slid out of the truck and he followed her out, slamming the rickety door behind him. She quickly unlocked the front door of her house and then spun the deadbolt once he was inside.

Puck grabbed her around the waist and hauled her against him. "So glad we're not at that party." Their lips met briefly and he pulled back again. "C'mon, Rach…let's fuck."

Rachel's mouth gaped open and she smacked Puck on the shoulder. He laughed, his mouth open and his eyes twinkling, as she glared at him. "You're so crude, Noah Puckerman."

Puck dipped his head to kiss her again and then pushed her shirt from her shoulders. He guided her backwards to the couch and when she fell against it, he pushed his shorts down and palmed his hard cock. "You ain't seen nothin' yet, baby."

Groaning at his insistence on being a pig, Rachel glowered up at him. But the look in his eyes as he stroked himself in front of her zapped what was left of her thought processes and soon she was opening her mouth, surrounding his heated flesh while he fisted her hair in his hands.

That night, they ignored seven phone calls from Quinn and eleven text messages from Mercedes.

* * *

"Noah, why did you throw that slushie in my face the very first time?"

It was Tuesday evening now and Rachel was lying in Puck's bed in one of his McKinley t-shirts. His mom and sister were gone to visit his grandmother and he'd made up an excuse to stay behind. Since he'd shown up at Rachel's house on Friday night and slept with her in the early morning hours of Saturday, he hadn't been able to get enough of her. They'd seen each other every day since then. She was like a drug, better than the best fucking pot he'd ever had, and he found himself craving her breasts or the way her mouth slid over his body or the way she tasted when she came on his tongue.

Puck, who was sitting on the floor with his guitar in his lap, turned his neck to look behind him at her on the bed. "Why'd I do it? Shit, Rachel…I've wondered that a million times."

He put his guitar down and stood up, slipping his boxers back off. He reached over, pulled the shirt over her head, and tossed on the floor, leaving her as naked as he was. Sliding back into the bed, he pulled her against him and buried his nose in her hair.

"I've just always wondered. I know you apologized and of course I forgave you but…what started it?"

Puck had a hundred different answers he could give her. _Because I've been attracted to you since the day I met you and a slushie to the face helped to make you seem off limits. Because I wanted to knock you down a peg and bring you back to reality. Because…_

"Because I'm an asshole, I guess," Puck finally offered.

Rachel shook her head and moved to crawl on top of him. She bit her lip as she rubbed her bare ass against his erection and said, "You're not an asshole, Noah. You were just…misguided…for a while."

"That's a nice way of saying that I was an asshole, Rach. It's okay. You can say it. I know I was. Actually, I _still _am."

Rachel groaned, partially from the fact that he was gently pushing her hips back and forth, creating friction between her soaking slit and his cock, and partially because he was being an _idiot. _"Noah," she half muttered, half keened, "You are _not _an asshole. You've always tried to maintain a certain reputation and bravado but personally—" she looked down at him as her hand snaked out to pinch his nipple, "—I think you're sweet."

Puck looked up at her, silently deciding that it wasn't the time to argue about his obvious badassedness. Instead, his eyes settling on the ragged movement of her chest, signaling to him how aroused she really was. He let his gaze sweet across her small, perfect breasts and then slide down over her abdomen to her flat stomach and finally to the small patch of hair between her thighs that beckoned him. He slid his fingers between her legs and rubbed her clit with one hand while the other held tight to her hips, holding her so that she couldn't move.

Rachel's head lulled back as he manipulated her body with his long, slender fingers and a gasp escaped her throat and she fell forward, leaning her head against his, when he slipped several fingers inside her, fucking her with his hand. He nearly came on his belly when his name escaped her lips like a song and her body clutched around his fingers, gripping and squeezing him through her orgasm. While she was still shaking, he rolled her below him, sheathed himself in a condom, and slammed into her. The urgency of which he moved inside her unnerved him a bit and a few minutes later, when he was emptying himself into the condom and groaning her name, he wondered why the hell he'd waited so long for _this_ – whatever it was.

* * *

Rachel turned off the water and then called to Puck. "Noah! The water is ready!"

Puck stepped into the bathroom, a scowl on his face. "Tell me again why I agreed to take a bubble bath in the middle of the afternoon? I'm a dude, baby. We don't _take_ bubble baths."

Rachel cocked her head to the side, undoing the knot on her pink robe and pulling it open. Dropping it to the floor, she turned her back on him and then bent over to turn off the water. Puck's eyes immediately zoned in on her perfect ass and her glistening sex visible when she bent over.

"_Fuuuuuuck. _Now I remember…"

Rachel stepped over into the Jacuzzi style tub and sat down, sighing as the warm water heated her skin. "You joining me, Noah? Or should I just bathe alone?"

Puck's clothes flew off faster than she had ever seen and she watched him hurry across the room until he reached the edge of the tub. Her eyes settled on his sex and she blushed. She loved looking at his naked body. She's seen Finn naked many times in the fourteen months they'd dated but Noah's body was…_different. _Defined. Strong. Powerful. Beautiful. And he knew it. He smirked as he watched her eyes hungrily stare at his cock and he stroked himself twice just to watch her pink face turn red. Then he lifted his leg over the tub and sunk in behind her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close to him as the hot, soapy water settled around them.

"S'feels good," he sighed as he leaned back.

"I know," Rachel agreed. "My muscles have been rather sore lately because—"

"—because of the insane number of times I've managed to fuck you since Saturday morning?"

Laughing, Rachel said, "Yup, that's precisely why, actually. Even as a dancer, my muscles have still managed to find new ways to ache."

They settled into the tub, the warm water sluicing around them, and Rachel ran her hands up and down his thighs in the water.

"Noah? Can I ask you a question?"

With his eyes closed as he relaxed, he said, "Anything."

"Do you…" she searched for the right way to phrase her question. "Do you ever think about your daughter? Quinn and I are friends and have been for a while now but she _never _talks about it…it's almost like…"

"Like it never happened?" Puck finished for her.

"Yes. It's like she pretends that her entire sophomore year never happened…"

Puck exhaled and tugged Rachel back to lean against his chest. "I guess it's just easier for her to do that. But do I think about our baby? Every fucking day."

Rachel settled her hand on his in the water, her fingers swirling designs against the wet flesh. "You never talk about her, either, though."

Puck thought for a moment. "What would I say? As much as I wanted to raise her, I don't regret that we gave her up. And I can't be like Quinn and block the whole thing out, ya know? I mean, I know we fucked up but…think about it, Rach. Because of that mistake that Quinn and I made, there is a man and a woman out there who are _so fucking happy_ because they have a daughter now. So yeah, it sucked but…it couldn't have _all _been bad because some good came out of it, right?"

As Puck finished speaking, Rachel scooted away from him and turned around in the tub. When she was facing him, she slid back toward him and settled into his lap.

"That's a good way to look at it, Noah," she finally said.

He settled his hands on her hips and pushed himself against her. "S'how I have to look at it, Rach. It's the only way I can…otherwise, I think it would hurt too much."

Rachel smiled knowingly before tipping her head to kiss him. That was the thing about Noah, she knew. He _always _seemed to be able to open up to her more than to anyone else. Ever since the first time he'd done it sophomore year, she wondered why she'd been the lucky one. It was like the softer side of Noah, the one with heart and feelings, was reserved for her alone. It made her heart pound.

She reached between them and grasped his cock in her hands while biting her lip. He grunted and reached down, swatting her hand away. "As much as I'd love to fuck you right now, babe, we've got no condoms in the tub."

She mewled in protest and then settled against him, acquiescing because she knew he was right. Puck lifted his arms from the water and wrapped them around her, pulling her into a tight, wet, soapy hug. Unnerved by the conversation and the fact that he seemed all to open to exposing his soul when she was around, he kicked the drain with this foot and the water began to seep out. He picked her up and sat her feet on the rug and then toweled her and then himself off before leading her to the bed.

Rachel settled between the sheets, sighing in pleasure at the coolness against her heated skin. Puck crawled in after her and loomed over her, their eyes locking. He finally looked away because it felt like she was reading his soul and it was just _too much. _Her body was his, he knew, and he couldn't think about the fact that the rest of her may belong to him as well.

* * *

"Does the future scare you, Rach?" Puck slid his hands through her hair as she leaned against him. They were out by the river, parked at the overlook, and she was between his legs as they sat in the bed of his truck. It was Friday now and the day of their departure was rushing toward them. Both Puck and Rachel, however, had refused to discuss August 13th. Instead, Rachel told Puck that every day was just another August 2nd. They were living in stasis those last few days of their summer and by extension, of their childhood. Rachel's fathers had returned from vacation so they couldn't spend hours having sex in the various rooms of her house anymore (and the only un-defiled room was her fathers' bedroom, anyway, and Puck had made it clear that there would be _no_ sex in the same room where two dudes did it.)

Rachel rolled her head against his shoulder to look up at him. "Does the future scare me? It terrifies me, Noah. I've worked my entire life to become a successful Broadway star. What if I go to college, flunk out, and end up performing _Oklahoma!_ at a dinner theater in Akron instead?"

Puck laughed, his chest vibrating against Rachel's back. "You won't end up at the dinner theater, Rach, I promise. You're fucking amazing and have more talent than anyone I've ever seen."

"Yes," Rachel said, a tone of bitterness laced through the single word. "But our dear classmates never seemed to think so, Kurt in particular."

"Kurt's a dickhead, Rachel. He was jealous of you because he wanted to _be _you. You'll show him, though. Fuck, babe, you'll show them all."

Rachel turned in his arms, settling herself on her knees in front of him so that they were eye level. She kissed the corner of his mouth on one side and then the other before finally sliding her tongue across his lips, forcing them to open and allow her entry.

When she pulled away, she leaned her head against his chest and his arms tightened around her. "Would it freak you out if I told you that I enjoy this…I mean, I love being with you like this. It's like…" Rachel's voice trailed off, her thoughts not translating to words the way they normally did.

"Like it always should have been this way? Had we stopped dicking around enough and had given it an actual shot?" Puck offered.

Rachel shivered because _yes_, that's exactly what she meant.

"At least we figured it out," he said softly into her cheek.

"But it's too late now," she offered sadly.

"Better late than not at all, babe. Besides, it's still August 2nd, right?"

Rachel laughed and kissed him. It was so easy to pretend when they were together like this that August 13th would never arrive. But the responsible voice in the back of her head was always quick to remind her, j_ust a few more days and it will all be over. _

Puck met her eyes and held her gaze as he linked their hands and pulled her against him. They could talk about feelings, sure. They could lament about the _what might have beens _or the _woulda, coulda, shouldas _but it would do no good. Instead, he shifted her so that she was leaning against his chest again and they watched the sun set over the river. Why discuss feelings when they could just _feel_?

* * *

"Noah! What are we doing? Why are we here?"

Rachel's eyes shifted nervously as they pulled into the deserted parking lot of William McKinley High School on a Monday night. She looked helplessly at him as he parked the truck in a back, darker corner of the lot and then tugged on her arm to pull her out of the truck with him.

They darted across the parking lot to a side door and Puck stopped, looking all around, before he slid a key from his pocket and unlocked the door. Quickly, he shoved Rachel inside and pulled the door closed, relocking it.

When he looked her way, he saw that her arms were crossed and she was tapping her flip-flop clad foot against the cold tile floor. "Where did you get that key, Noah?"

Puck smirked, shoving the master key back into his pocket. "Had it since freshman year, babe. The reason I owned this fucking school was because I had connections."

Rachel rolled her eyes as she watched him stride down the hallway. Realizing she wasn't behind him, he turned back to look at her. "You comin'?"

Shrugging, she picked up her feet and trotted after him. He grabbed her hand and tugged her into the blackened auditorium. Feeling along the wall, he flipped on the lights and tugged her down the steps toward the stage. When they got to the first row, he ordered her to sit and then disappeared up the stage. When the spotlight had been turned on and shown brightly on the bare stage, he rejoined her and plopped down in the chair next to her.

They sat silently for a moment, both staring at the stage. Finally, Rachel's voice cut through the quiet. "Why are we staring at the stage, Noah? We've spent hours and hours up there…"

Puck groaned and threw his arm across Rachel's shoulder. "This isn't the McKinley stage right now, Rachel. Use your imagination. This is Broadway. That spotlight up there?" He pointed toward the bright beam of light. "It's waiting on you."

She stared at him for a moment as she analyzed his words. Then she smiled, kissed him on the cheek, and darted up the steps to the stage.

He propped his feet up on the railing in front of him, locking his fingers behind his head, as she stepped to the center of the spotlight. She curtsied to her invisible audience and he laughed loudly before whistling and screaming out, "Encore! Encore!"

And then she opened her mouth and her voice filled the auditorium. He immediately recognized the song as "Tonight" from _West Side Story _and even though he'd been in show choir and had _obviously _heard the words before, with her singing acapella on the stage for only him, he really listened. He knew she picked the song because she dreamed of playing Maria on Broadway. But he wondered, as her voice swelled toward the rafters and caused chills to race across his skin, if she hadn't chosen it because the words, maybe just maybe, reminded her of him, too.

When the last note left her mouth, he clapped wildly before running up on the stage. She smiled at him, her eyes sparkling in the bright light and asked, "Well?"

Puck pulled her against him and kissed her forehead. "You have to ask? That was fucking incredible, babe. You're going to knock 'em dead. You'll be solely responsible for putting this shit-ass cow-town on the goddamn map."

Rachel tilted her head to kiss his lips and then wrapped her arms around his waist. "You're probably overestimating my abilities, Noah, but that's okay. Because right now, I feel like I could do anything."

Puck laughed, his body shaking, and Rachel looked up at him curiously. "What?"

He shook his head. "Nothin'." But he still continued to laugh. Rachel pulled away and glared at him. "Noah? What?"

Puck looked around, even though he knew they were totally alone. Then he dropped his voice to a whisper, pulled her tightly against him to rub himself against her stomach, and asked, "You ever had a fantasy of getting fucked on the choir room piano?"

Rachel's face went red and she gasped but the smile on her face betrayed her indignation.

Puck arched his brow. "Well, babe?"

Rachel didn't answer but instead, she grasped his hand and pulled him across the stage. She flipped the lights off, sending the stage into darkness, before she turned and pulled him into a kiss. She slid her hand down and caressed him through his shorts and felt heat rush through her when he groaned approvingly.

"Babe?" he asked against her lips. "Is that a yes?"

Nodding, she pulled him out of the auditorium and into the choir room. She turned on a small light that barely lit the room and then pulled her shirt over her head. Puck picked her up, sat her on the piano, and helped her out of her panties. As he pushed her back and dipped his head between her thighs, he couldn't help the small laugh that escaped his lips. _All the years I spent in this room and the last time I'm here, it's so I can fuck Rachel Berry on the piano. _

Later, after they were both spent and exhausted, he leaned against the concrete block wall with her in his arms. Her breathing was returning to normal and she let out a small laugh.

"I can't believe we just had sex in the choir room, Noah."

Puck kissed the top of her head, smiling at himself. "I dunno, Rach. I'm pretty sure that what we just did was the best goddamn time I've ever had in this fucking room."

Rachel nodded against him. "I think coming here was appropriate, to say the least. It's like we've come full circle."

Puck groaned and then laughed. "Hey, Rach?"

"Yeah," she softly answered.

"You said 'come'," he informed her.

Rachel turned to pop him on the back of the head. "You're so juvenile, Noah!"

Puck let out a belly laugh and tickled Rachel until she shrieked and collapsed on the floor. He bent over her, his lips brushing across her face and up over her eyelids before he slanted his mouth and kissed her hotly.

"I love this," Rachel breathed against his lips.

He just nodded and kissed her again.

* * *

The weight of the date seemed to hang over both of them. _Tomorrow, _Rachel thought as she slid into the passenger seat of Puck's truck. _We leave tomorrow. _She felt both a thrill of elation and the heavy weight of dread descend on her simultaneously. _It all starts, and it all ends, tomorrow. Her eyes shifted to the silent male currently driving them out of Lima and she felt her heart nearly clench with pain. __I never thought that it would hurt to say goodbye to Noah Puckerman._

Rachel watched out the window, her mind whirring, as they passed fields and barns. Finally, she spoke. "Noah, where are we going?"

He looked over at her, a smile on his face. "We wanna be alone, right?"

"Yes, of course."

"My uncle has a farm out here. And I know just the spot…used to camp out here as a kid."

The truck began to bounce as he pulled onto a dirt road and drove them through a field. The expanse of green eventually turned into a large tree grove and Puck maneuvered the truck into the trees before pulling off the road, coming to a stop and cutting the engine.

He slid from the truck and Rachel followed, her eyes taking in the large expanses of green fields that seemed to stretch out in front of them.

"It's really desolate out here," she commented.

"No," Puck corrected, pulling a duffel bag from the back of the truck, "it's private. And tonight? We need _a lot _of fucking privacy."

She watched as he yanked a thick blanket from the bag and spread it out across the grass. Rachel pushed her hair from her face in an attempt to allow what little breeze there was to reach her face. Mid-August in Ohio was always muggy and that year was one of the worst. Feeling eyes on her, Rachel turned to look at Puck. He was leaning against the truck, hands shoved in the pockets of his shorts, studying her. It made her self-conscious because his gaze left her feeling bare and exposed. "What?" she finally asked.

Puck stared at her for a moment longer before shaking his head. "Nothin'." He stepped up to her, his arms dropping to slide around her waist. When she was pressed into his body, he lowered his head and ran his lips over the skin of her shoulder.

"It's insane how much I fucking want you right now," he said gruffly before he gently sunk his teeth into the soft flesh at the base of her throat.

The words, as simple and as honest as they were, sparked desire through her. Rachel sighed his name softly, her lips and tongue sliding over his broad shoulders and down over his biceps. She could taste the slight saltiness from the fine sheen of sweat that covered his skin but she didn't care; in fact, it only seemed to turn her on more. Tasting him was so…erotic.

"Noah," she keened when she felt him sucking hard against her collarbone. Despite the heat, chills broke out over her skin and fire raced along her spine.

"Rachel," he groaned in response. Pulling away from her, she watched him pull his shirt over his head and push his shorts to the ground, leaving him naked in front of her. She should have felt shy; she knew it was scandalous that she didn't. But this was Noah and she'd spent the last week and a half learning every part of his body. From the small dimple in his left butt cheek to the three moles in a line along his hipbone to the hard muscles of his biceps, she'd touched and kissed every single part of his spectacular body.

He was on her in a flash, stripping her naked and then picking her up. He carried her to the blanket where he dropped her gently to the ground and then crawled next to her. His eyes darted for a moment until he spied the duffel bag and the condom box jutting from it. Snagging a few condoms, he tossed them onto the blanket, pushed her back, and pulled her knees apart. His fingers prodded and tested, discovering that, as usual, she was more than ready for him. Rachel watched him roll the condom on and then he was over her, on her, and finally slamming inside her, need outweighing gentleness.

He rocked into her roughly as her arms went around his sides and her thighs tightened along his hips. His hand pushed the hair from her face and then slid to the nape of her neck, where he tilted her head up to kiss her. Their lips gently brushed, pressure increasing briefly with every thrust of his body into hers.

She pulled her lips away to let out a guttural sob as he hit that spot inside her before she stretched up to latch onto him again. And then she was kissing him not only for how he made her feel when he was inside her but for what he had become to her, even is she couldn't define it.

And as he rotated his hips, burning for her even while he was moving with her, he kissed her like she mattered to him. Because she _did._

She kissed him because he made her feel things she'd never felt before, not with any guy, at any time, in all of her 18 years.

He kissed her like he'd wanted to for years, like she was his and like they shared something that went beyond middle-of-the day, hot August sex full of stolen moments and on borrowed time.

He kissed her for all the times he wouldn't get to.

She kissed him for all the times she should have but never did.

With a final thrust of his hips down while she pushed up, the orgasms that tore through both of them were caught up in the muted sounds of their groans and cries because their lips never parted. Until they both stopped trembling and their heart rates returned to normal, their lips never ceased pulling, sipping, and taking.

Only when she went limp below him did he break the kiss. Wordlessly, he flopped over on his back next to her and stared up at the sky. In the distance, they could see dark clouds moving in against the night sky, heat lightning streaking between them but never hitting the ground.

"I can't believe this ends tomorrow, Noah," Rachel said, her voice soft and shaky.

In the near dark, Puck nodded. "What time does your plane leave?" They hadn't talked about what would happen tomorrow. That day, since they'd started _this, _had failed to exist. But now it was there and it had to be dealt with.

"10am. Yours?"

"5pm."

Rachel turned her head, her eyes settling on the moles scattered across his shoulders. "Are you nervous?"

Puck sighed stretched, tucking his arms behind his head. "I am but I'm not. I mean, I never planned on going to college but yet I am. So I'm excited but…I'm gonna miss it."

"Miss what?"

"Irresponsibility. My mom doing my laundry. Arguing with my little sister. Hell, I'll even miss Lima." He looked over at her and then added, "And you."

Her breath caught at his admission and she offered, "I'll miss you very much, Noah….but we'll keep in touch."

He nodded but said nothing and together, they stared up at the darkened sky through the trees, watching as heat lightning danced intricate patterns in the clouds above them. The woods and surrounding fields were silent in the post-dusk evening. It felt like there was no one for miles and that maybe, if they tried hard enough, tomorrow could be postponed; that saying goodbye to _this_ – whatever it was in it's undefined but very real state – could be postponed.

As the sky lit up from a violent flash of lightning, Puck muttered, "I don't want to think about tomorrow, Rachel. We still have tonight." Waggling his fingers at her, he said, "Come here, babe."

Rachel rolled toward him and he gathered her into his arms, pulling her body on top of his. She straddled him and grabbed his hand, bringing it to her breast. He squeezed her nipple and she moaned, arching back and grinding against him.

"You're beautiful, you know," he rasped, his eyes raking down her body. "I've always thought you were _so _fucking beautiful."

Rachel leaned forward and bent to press her mouth to his. His hand searched the blanket until he found the small packet and then he grabbed it, pressing it into her hand. She effortlessly popped it open and smoothed it over his now hard cock before quickly angling herself above him. As the heat of the day slowly eased and their final day of _them_ drew to a close, she pushed herself down on him with force. He growled as she surrounded him, immediately thrusting hard in an attempt to ease the pressure inside his chest.

As he guided her against him and took them spiraling toward relief, Rachel tried not to think about how this was _it_. But with every thrust, every caress, and every groan, she felt her heart break just a little bit more. These special moments that they'd shared would never happen again. _This - _what they'd shared the last few weeks of their childhood - was all they'd ever have. She felt herself tear up even as pleasure raced through her and she batted the offending tear away. Puck saw the emotion in her face and realized that it mirrored his own. He _knew _when he started this less than two weeks ago that it was going to be hard to end it. He hadn't expected to care so much about this girl.

But he vowed, as he watched her breasts undulate over him, that he wasn't going to regret it and he wasn't going to look back. So he grabbed her hips, held her a little tighter, and pounded into her a little harder. It was all he _could _do. And when he hit that sweet spot again and his name escaped from her lips and echoed off the trees and up into the lightning-laden clouds, both of them stopped thinking completely. They had to…

* * *

Rachel put her carry-on bag into the backseat of her father's car and then slid in beside it. As she got situated for the trip to the airport, she said a silent goodbye to Lima, to McKinley, to Mr. Schuester, and all the Glee Club kids. But there was no silent goodbye to Noah. They'd already said their goodbyes the night before. Once their bodies were finally spent, he'd held her silently until the mosquitoes forced them back into their clothes and back inside the truck. They'd driven back to Lima in silence, their fingers linked on the seat between them. He'd kissed her, his mouth bearing the brunt of the silent sob that racked her body. And then he'd promised they'd talk and email, he'd wished her good luck, and he'd hugged her tighter than he meant to. When they finally parted, she pretended that he didn't look upset and he pretended that her eyes weren't wet. She'd finally whispered goodbye and slid from the truck, watching as he disappeared into the dark before she went inside.

As her daddy's car began to move, she vowed that she wouldn't cry again. She wouldn't be sad that the best relationship she'd ever had only lasted 13 days and wasn't actually a relationship at all. She wouldn't cry that the last two weeks of her childhood were probably the best she'd ever had.

When Lima was behind her, Rachel forced herself to smile. She always said she was going to leave _every _part of her past behind her when she headed to New York City for good. But instead of just taking her friendships with Quinn and Mercedes with her, she now had a little part of Noah tucked inside her heart. It hurt to leave him behind but at least she could go to college knowing that _yes, _she had mattered to the mysterious, troubled boy with the handsome face and hidden generous heart.

As the car pulled into the airport over an hour later, Rachel's phone vibrated. Retrieving it from her purse, she saw that it was a text from Noah.

_[New York City is about to get a lot brighter, babe. Go easy on it at first… Talk 2 u soon.]_

She read the note over and over again before finally writing him back.

_[New York has been waiting on me, Noah. It needs me. Have a safe flight and don't forget about me.]_

Seconds later, the phone buzzed again.

_[Not a chance in hell. We'll always have August 2nd.]_

She smiled, her eyes filling with tears again as she bit her bottom lip. Sucking in a breath to steady her shaky nerves, she took her Daddy's arm and slid from the car.

_Noah's right. We'll always have August 2nd._

_

* * *

**Next up: Freshman year for Rachel and Puck. Review, please!**_


	3. It's Been A Long Time

**Author's Note:** Sorry for the long delay in updates. Wrote two chapters of my other story but this one took some ruminating over. And FYI, if you haven't yet seen my Glee Live pics and would like to, please go to my profile and click on the link (and prepare for some super Mark Salling hotness!)

And please forgive any errors. I've edited the hell out of this thing and all I see now is a bunch of letters that might or might not make actual words. Will continue to edit and correct once my eyes uncross and I get some sleep.

* * *

Rachel pushed the door open to the room in the apartment she shared at The Towers, the student housing on the campus of The City College of New York (CCNY), tossed her backpack on the chair, and collapsed into a heap on her small bed. Across the room, her roommate, Allie, sat flipping through a textbook, attacking each page with a highlighter and a string of profanities as she crammed for an exam later that afternoon.

"Rough day, Rach?" Allie asked before chewing on the cap of her highlighter and then glaring at the page in front of her.

Sighing dramatically, Rachel kicked off her shoes and turned on her side to face Allie. "Dr. Adamson is…he's…he's positively _prosaic. _I've always been an excellent student but the moment I step inside his lecture hall, I'm completely bored by the sound of his monotone droning that I drift off. I don't know how I'm going to survive the semester! I certainly can't pass the class if I sleep through each lecture but I am unable to pay attention because he's…maddening!"

Allie, an architecture major, rolled her eyes. "Rach, you're a Theatre major. I never know if you're tales are accurate or are embellished for the sake of storytelling."

"I assure you, Allie, this is purely truth. I've got to find a way to stay focused and alert!"

"Starbucks, babe, Starbucks," Allie muttered as she practically stabbed her textbook with a yellow highlighting pen.

Rachel rolled off her bed and walked over to her desk, firing up her laptop. When it was running, she opened up her email application and faltered when her breath hitched in her throat. Across the room, Allie's head shot up. "Is it an email from Noah?"

Biting her lip to control the smile that threatened to overtake her face as her heart did a giddy flip in her chest, Rachel nodded. Allie squealed, tossed her textbook and highlighters into the sheets, and was pressing her shoulder against Rachel's as they read the words on the small screen.

**_ Rach,_**

**_ Hope things are going well. School is kicking my ass. I knew college would be different from high school but fuck, this is exhausting. How is a guy supposed to keep his grades up when there's a party every single night? And don't get me started on my roommate. He's got to be quietest guy alive. He seems okay and I don't think he's murdered anybody and buried the body but I try to talk to him and he just stares at me. Doesn't answer. Just stares. Kinda creeps me the fuck out. Lucky for him, I spend a lot of time at those parties so I'm not here a lot._**

**_ Anyway, I better study. Have an exam in two days and it's the first one for this class. _**

**_ Write when you can,_**

**_ N_**

Opening grinning, Rachel closed her laptop and sat down on the edge of her bed. It was mid-September now and she and Puck hadn't seen each other in slightly over a month. She still thought about their time together nearly constantly and they usually emailed each other a few times a week. At night, she couldn't help but remember how she felt when he was with her. He'd made her feel things that no one else ever had and even a month later, she found herself captivated by the memories. And once she and Allie had formed a friendship, Rachel had poured the entire story out over dinner and now Allie waited for Puck's emails nearly as much as Rachel did. "He sounds amazing," Allie had breathed dreamily the night Rachel retold the events. "He's…so _incredible_," Rachel had offered.

Allie sat back down on her bed, glancing over at her friend. "It sounds like he's doing well at school."

Rachel nodded in agreement. "I knew he could do fine if he applied himself. He never really cared much about high school…and then the baby was born and things changed for him. He never would _admit _to being interested in school but he's _not _stupid. I'm so glad he seems to be doing okay!"

Allie watched Rachel as she stared at the blank wall opposite her, her mind obviously travelling back to past events. She knew, without a doubt, that Rachel was replaying those August days and nights over again in her head.

"Are you going to write him back?"

"Of course! Let's go grab some dinner and then I will compose a proper reply. I don't want him thinking that I don't care!"

Linking arms, Rachel and Allie stepped into the living room, met up with their roommates Olivia and Flora, and headed off to dinner.

* * *

Puck shouldered his backpack, checked his phone for missed calls, and stepped out into the sunlight on the main campus of the University of Pittsburgh. His schedule free for the remainder of the afternoon, he was going to go change clothes and head to the gym to get a workout in.

As he maneuvered through the crowded sidewalks, he slowed to wink at a cute redhead in a barely-there dress and then let out a wolfish whistle at a brunette in shorts so short that he could see her ass cheeks. A month into college, he was loving campus life. If he thought he was a stud in high school, college was definitely a shock to him. Women literally threw themselves at him (the number of girls who had "tripped" in front of him just for the opportunity to grab at his guns would be laughable if their near-fawning wasn't such a great shot to his already healthy ego).

Unlocking the dorm room door, Puck pushed inside, draping his backpack over his chair and then pulling his shirt off and tossing it on the bed. He rummaged around through the drawers of his small dresser and yanked out a t-shirt and shorts, his customary workout clothes.

He was just finished getting dressed when the door open and his roommate, Trevin, let himself inside.

"Hey, dude," Puck said casually as he slipped on his runners.

Trevin said nothing as he pulled the chair to his desk out and sat down. From behind him, Puck glared. _Fuckin', guy. Never fucking talks. _Shrugging it off, Puck flipped on his computer and pulled up his email. Seeing a reply from Rachel, a sly smiled curved his lips and he sat down to read.

**_ Dear Noah,_**

**_ I was pleased to receive your email and I hope you're doing well. School is admittedly brutal with my classes, dance classes, voice lessons, and other things that keep me busy. I find myself completely without a social life (which isn't different from high school, I suppose) and if it weren't for my roommates, I'd probably never see any of New York City!_**

**_ I am concerned about your partying, though. You have to be focused, Noah! Just don't party yourself into a coma, okay? _**

**_ I miss you and I think of you often,_**

**_ Rachel _**

Puck grinned at Rachel's email, his mind travelling back to their time together. Just thinking about her smile led him, inevitably, to thinking about her body and then to her being naked under him or on top of him and then he was half-hard and frustrated. He would be pissed at himself if he weren't so used to it. In the month since he'd been with her, she'd been on his mind more than ever before. Being with her had done nothing to cure the attraction he felt.

Flipping his computer back off, Puck stood up. _Time to work out this fucking tension at the gym. _

As Puck sauntered across the grassy commons area toward the gym, he winked appreciatively at a large-breasted blond, turning to check out her ass as she strolled past him. He hadn't been with anyone since Rachel because…well…_fuck_, he didn't really _know _why. He blamed it on his need to adjust to college life. But later that night, after he'd pushed himself hard in the gym and as he washed the sweat from his body in the shower, he let his hand travel south. Stroking himself to release, his hand slipping along the soapy length of his cock, he didn't imagine the sexy big-titted blond from the commons or the fine-assed redhead from his Anthropology class but the small brunette with the big mouth who he hadn't actually seen in a month.

_

* * *

**November 1st**_

**_ Hey Rach,_**

**_ So have you taken over New York City yet? Guess not because I haven't seen your ass on the news. (That was my lame attempt at joking through email. Does email reduce my badass charm? I think it does but I promise, I've still got it.)_**

**_ Anyway, school is still going okay. Totally kicked ass on my Anthro exam and, of course, I'm fucking awesome in my music classes. (Seriously, Rach, some of these people have zero musical talent. I'm not exactly critical (like you usually would be) but shit…. _**

**_ So I guess that's it…_**

**_ N_**

**_ November 5th_**

_

* * *

**Noah,**_

**_ The fact that you're finally taking music serious enough to be critical of the performance of others warms my heart! I do believe, Noah Puckerman, that I have had a positive influence on you._**

**_ School is keeping me busy and my roommates are forcing me to get out more. They think I'm taking college _too _seriously and I don't think they're taking it serious enough. The constant stream of men through our dorm room is testament to that. I have to tell you, having three other roommates, two of which seem to be nymphomaniacs, is challenging. Now, I enjoy sex just as much as the next girl (as you very well know) but I also think there is a time and a place and weeknights, in our shared living room while I am trying to sleep just a thin wall away is _hardly _the time. I'm just thankful that the girl I share a room with is, to put it bluntly, a nerd and is therefore keeping her trysts to a minimum (as in nonexistent.) _**

**_ I fully expect something lewd and vile in your response (and that's acceptable because I honestly kind of miss your ability to turn any conversation into something dirty.)_**

**_ Keep excelling, Noah!_**

**_ Rachel_**

_

* * *

**November 10**_**_th__, _**

**_ R,_**

**_ Are your roommates hot? If so, next time you hear one of then gettin' it good out in the living room, go join in, for fuck's sake! And then email me __every single fucking detail__ because I wanna hear all about it. And ask your nerd roommate to take some pics and email those to me, k, babe? (And if you ever are in the mood to just send me some naked pictures of you, I'll totally take them. Just sayin'.)_**

**_ Gotta go. Another fuckin' exam to cram for. I've never taking so many tests in my life._**

**_ N_**

* * *

"Flora, why in the _world _would I agree to go out on a date with this man? I don't know him or anything about him!" Rachel protested loudly, her arms crossed, as she glared at her roommate.

"Rach, it's one fucking date. Go. You'll like him. He's hot as hell and you haven't been on a single date since school started and it's December already. You _need _to date."

"It's just a date, Rachel," Allie offered from her spot on the couch. "It won't hurt anything."

Rachel shot Allie a pleading look. _Noah. I can't stop thinking about Noah. No other guy matters. _

"I already told him that you were going, Rachel," Flora advised. "So you're going."

Shrugging heavily, Rachel headed into her bedroom and closed the door. It quickly opened again and Allie slipped in.

"This is about Noah, right?" she asked softly.

Nodding, Rachel plopped down on her bed. "I know that Noah and I aren't dating and we aren't really anything but friends who shared an amazing time right before summer ended but…I think about him _all the time. _He's…will any other guy compare?"

Allie shrugged. "Honestly? Maybe not. But you don't know what Noah's doing at college and you can't save yourself for something that hasn't ever even been defined. You're friends with him and maybe there will be something more someday…but right now? Do you even know how he feels about you?"

"No," Rachel admitted. "Not really."

"Well why don't you email him, casually mention about being set up on a blind date and see what he says? That will tell you."

Rachel thought for a moment, ticking her eyes toward the ceiling as she mulled over Allie's words. Then she let out a tortured sighed. "You're right. I really have been holding back because of him. But your statement is correct: he and I really aren't anything…."

"Email him, Rachel. I know you have feelings for him and I think he has feelings for you but you're hundreds of miles apart and that's not changing any time soon."

A few minutes later, after Allie had left Rachel alone with her thoughts, Rachel found herself typing up an email.

**_ Noah,_**

**_ I assume you're doing well. I know that you'll be heading home to Lima for Christmas break soon. My fathers are coming to New York City this year so I won't be home. I'm actually sad because it would have been nice to see you._**

**_ My roommates are insisting that I go out on a date with some guy. They think that I need to get out more. I guess they're right…I just am not sure about the whole blind date thing. _**

Rachel stared at her words as her fingers hovered over the keys. There were so many things she wanted to ask him. _Should I go on this date? Do you care? What are we? _Her heart heavy, Rachel continued typing.

**_ Have a safe trip home to Lima, Noah. And Happy Holidays,_**

**_ Rachel_**

* * *

Puck read Rachel's email over twice, trying to ignore the clenching of his jaw and the grinding of his teeth. Okay, so he hadn't actually been celibate recently (his mind travelled back to the tiny black-haired, pale-skinned girl who'd sucked him off at a party the weekend before) but it still bugged the shit out of him that Rachel would be dating. But, fuck_, they_ weren't dating. They hadn't actually dated since sophomore year. That shit that happened in August? That was…friends with benefits?

Leaning back in his chair, Puck ran his fingers through his hair. He didn't have any claim on Rachel and other than the memories of the many times they'd fucked that were on constant rotation in the spank bank, she wasn't his. With a fractured groan, Puck began typing.

**_ Rach,_**

**_ Sorry you won't be home in Lima this year. I will admit that I wouldn't mind seeing you. But as far as dating goes, you're in college and you do need to live a little. Go out, have fun. _**

Puck looked at his words. What else could he say. _Don't fuck him? If you do, I hope he sucks. His junk will be smaller than mine and I bet you won't come. _

"Fuck," he swore at the screen.

**_ But don't do anything you'll regret. _**

**_ N_**

* * *

Rachel read Puck's email, ignoring the lump in her throat as she did. Glancing at Allie, who was waiting expectantly a few feet away, she said, "He told me to go on the date and have fun."

Allie put a comforting hand on Rachel's shoulder. "There's your answer, Rachel. He's not expecting you to wait on him so I seriously doubt he's waiting on you."

Rachel's eyes stung slightly but she pushed it away, refusing to think about the fact that he was probably sleeping with other girls. _Of course he is. It's naïve of me to think otherwise._ She had her answer. It made sense, really. Noah was doing her a favor, _really. _What they'd shared back in August was a one-time thing. It was an amazing way to spend the last days of summer together. That was all. _Nothing more. Nothing less._ She breathed in deep, forcing herself to accept reality.

"Okay, Al, I'll tell Flora that I'll go."

_

* * *

**January 5**_**_th_**

**_ Noah,_**

**_ I'm sorry it took so long to get back to you but my fathers were here and I figured you were at home enjoying time with your family. Did you see any of the Glee kids while you were home?_**

**_ Christmas in New York City, even for people who don't celebrate Christmas, was spectacular. We went to Radio City Music Hall and did many of those clichéd, touristy things. And Daddy went a little crazy with his American Express but I have a new wardrobe._**

**_ I did go on that blind date and ended up having a fantastic time. I'm seeing him again next Tuesday night. We're going to a retrospective at one of the art museums here._**

**_ Hope you're settling into the new semester,_**

**_ Rachel_**

_So she went on the date, huh? _Puck glared at his email. _Good. She needs to have fun. _

Shutting his computer off, he stood up and threw on his workout clothes. And after that? He was getting laid.

_

* * *

**January 16**_**_th_**

**_ Rach,_**

**_ Glad you had fun on the date. I've been seeing a couple of different girls. Turns out, chicks here at school dig the Puckasaurus. I'm not surprised but hey, it's always nice to be wanted, right? _**

**_ Don't stress yourself out studying, _**

**_ N_**

"What'd he say?" Allie called out, not looking up from her own computer.

Rachel gulped. "That he's seeing several different girls, which isn't surprising." _But it still hurts. _

Allie stared at the back of Rachel's head and watched her shoulders tense. _Poor girl, _she thought. _Straddling the past and the present. _

"Are you going to write him back?"

Rachel, ignoring the uncomfortable ball in her stomach and shook her head in the affirmative. "Of course! We're friends, after all." As she typed out an email, she told herself not to let her words betray her emotions.

**_ January 16__th_**

**_ Noah,_**

**_ Sounds like you're back to your old self. Just be safe! I'm sure you don't want past mistakes to repeat themselves and you need to stay healthy for school. I'm positive that you're practicing safe sex but I have to remind you because I care._**

**_ Rachel_**

_

* * *

Be safe? _Puck's brows bunched and he rolled his eyes. _Like I'm gonna screw up and make myself another goddamn baby?_

Slamming his laptop closed, Puck slipped on his shoes. It was Friday night and there was a huge frat party up the street. Yeah, the fraternity guys were douches but they had money, meaning they usually had some top shelf liquor at their parties. Pulling his black hoodie on, he grabbed his phone and his keys and took off, pushing Rachel's email out of his mind.

* * *

"Still haven't heard from him?" Allie asked on a Wednesday afternoon. She'd just walked into the dorm room and found Rachel sitting at her computer, tapping quickly at the keys.

"No," Rachel shook her head. "It's been over two weeks." She swiveled her chair and looked at Allie. "I hope I didn't offend him. All I said was for him to be safe. Maybe he's just busy?"

Allie smiled a tight-lipped smile at the hopeful look on Rachel's face. "I'm sure that's it. He's 19 years old and at college. _Of course _he's busy."

Swiveling back towards her desk, Rachel couldn't help but hope that she'd hear from him soon.

* * *

With his roommate gone for the weekend, Puck took advantage of the opportunity and slipped a tall, curvy brunette named Ella past the RA's room and into his own.

She giggled when he pressed her against the door, sliding his tongue down her neck and into her shirt.

"You gotta be quiet, babe," he murmured against her skin, "don't wanna get fuckin' caught."

"Oh, sorry, Puck," she whispered loudly as she began unbuttoning her shirt. Pulling it open, she grabbed Puck's hand and pressed it against her breasts. Growling, he pushed her onto the bed.

Later, when Ella was sleeping, he crawled over her and out of the covers, turning on his computer. A pang of guilt surged through him when he read the email.

**_ February 11__th_**

**_ Noah,_**

**_ It's been nearly a month since I've heard from you. I hope my last email didn't anger you. I wasn't trying to lecture you. _**

**_ Anyway, I hope you're okay…._**

**_ I miss hearing from you,_**

**_ Rachel_**

Puck inhaled deeply and stared at her email address. He wasn't sure why he hadn't responded last time. He just...hadn't.

As he heard Ella begin to stir, he typed:

**_ Rach,_**

**_ Sorry I didn't respond. And no, I'm not mad at you. I'm being safe, I promise. _**

**_ Hope school is going well,_**

**_ N_**

Shutting his computer off, he crawled back into the bed and nudged Ella's knees apart. Minutes later, when his third orgasm of the evening was racing through him, he tried everything he could to keep his mind on the woman below him and not on the one in New York City.

* * *

**_February 13th_**

**_Noah,_**

**_I'm relieved that you're not mad at me. I sometimes don't know what to say to you, given our...history. I don't want to appear bossy or tell you how to live your life but I always worry about you and I think of you often._**

**_Rachel_**

* * *

"He's detaching," Rachel said sadly one day in early March. She and Allie both had an afternoon off and had decided to head to Central Park to take a walk in the brisk cold.

"Noah?"

"Yeah."

"Why do you say that?"

Rachel stopped walking and diverted toward a park bench. Throwing herself dramatically down on it, she looked sadly up at Allie. "The last email he sent me was barely an email. And he hasn't responded again since I wrote him back." She lifted her eyes and they skimmed over the skyscrapers of Central Park West. She felt her eyes burn and before she could stop it, a tear slipped down her cheek. Allie watched Rachel and then sat down, putting her arm around her shoulder and tugging her close.

"Maybe it's for the best," she offered.

"You think?"

"Well," Allie began as she let go of Rachel and crossed her ankles, staring down at the concrete pathway. "You always said he was a manwhore… You _knew _he wouldn't be celibate when he got to college, right?"

_I had hoped we meant more to each other than that. But Noah—Puck—will _always_ be Puck. _

"Yes, I guess I knew that." Rachel turned toward her friend, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "But Allie, those days we spent together last summer were _mind-blowing. _I'd never felt anything like what I felt with Noah. Granted, the only other guy I'd slept with was Finn but Noah…" she exhaled, her warm breath creating a misty cloud between herself and Allie, "…was incredible, Al. It's like he knew my body better than I knew it myself. And then sometimes we'd just talk… or he'd just hold me and it felt like he'd _always _wanted to. Now, the whole thing feels like a dream…like it didn't even happen. And I wonder, has he forgotten?"

Another tear dripped from her eye and she brushed it away. "But I won't let myself be sad. We never, ever expressed any emotional attachment to one another. I knew it was stupid to expect us to be able to maintain that connection when we haven't even seen one another since August. I just—it would just be nice to know if he ever actually gave a damn about me, you know?"

"Rach, I think he did. Actually, I think he _does. _You've told me all about those days and it seems, to me, like you mattered _a lot_. So maybe, for the sake of your heart, you tuck those memories away and cherish them but accept him for what he is: a 19-year-old guy who is hot as hell and is probably plowing his way through half the female population of the University of Pittsburgh."

Rachel let out a sad laugh, shaking her head in agreement. "I'd say that's probably a fair and accurate description." She blew out a breath. "And you're right. I have to stop holding on to those 12 days and nights. They were incredible but…they're the past. I need to let them be…"

"I think it's for the best."

Rachel rubbed her eyes and stood up. "Fine...Let's go find some food. I'm starving."

* * *

On a Friday in late March before she went on a date with Matthew, Rachel checked her email. With nothing greeting her but junk mail, she closed it again, furious at the burning in the back of her throat. Noah wasn't going to write her. It wasn't a surprise. So why did it still hurt so much?

* * *

Puck missed Rachel so fucking much that it stung. By early April, it had been two months since she'd emailed him and he'd failed to respond. He'd read the words of that email a dozen times and even allowed his cursor to hover over the "reply" button before he would swear and log out of his account again. What would he say to her? He hadn't responded to her last email out of frustration over the entire situation. He'd shown up at her house that night just to see if the attraction he felt was real and then it had turned into something much more. When they'd parted on that last day, they both knew it was the end, right? Their days together had been just that _one_ time during that _one_ summer, right? So why try to hold on to something that was really over before it even started? That internal argument forced him to shut his computer back off and head to the gym.

* * *

The rest of the school year flew by for both Rachel and Puck. Even after her conversation with Allie, she'd hoped she was wrong and that Noah would email her again. But soon it was May, school was ending, and she hadn't heard from him in three months. The pain was dulled now and she'd managed to even find a guy that she liked long enough to date for five weeks (until she had to break up with him because he'd referred to "Wicked" as that "lame musical about the lesbian witches" one two many times.)

On a Friday afternoon in late May, Rachel hugged Allie and helped her take her suitcases down to the taxi.

"I'll miss you, Al!" Rachel threw her arms around her roommate and they hugged tightly.

"I can't believe you're staying in New York for the summer, Rach," Allie said into Rachel's hair as they embraced.

"Only until the end of July. This summer workshop is going to be incredible. And if I'm going to land on Broadway as soon as I graduate, I have to explore every avenue possible at improving my craft between now and then!"

The cab driver cleared his throat in annoyance and so the girls let go of each other. As Allie climbed into the cab that would take her to the airport, she called out, "I'll see you in mid-August…and have an amazing summer!"

Rachel waved as the cab pulled away and then headed back up to her apartment. The other three roommates were heading home for the summer so Rachel had the entire place to herself. As she threw on her dance clothes to head to the studio for rehearsal, she was filled with renewed vigor for her goals and her future.

* * *

After Puck arrived home the last part of May, he spent days doing nothing but sleeping and eating. He hadn't realized how tired he was until he was back home in his own bed, eating his mom's cooking and fighting with his sister. It was like he'd never left.

In early June, he and Artie got together to jam for an afternoon. Finn showed up and the three rocked out in Artie's basement. The three guys shared college stories and, as expected, Puck had the most exploits to share.

The relaxed nature of his first weeks home set the stage for the entire summer. Between parties, jamming with the guys, playing basketball with Matt, and hanging at the pool, Puck couldn't have asked for a better summer…

…except Lima was really fucking dull without Rachel around. He'd talked to Quinn and Mercedes at a party and had casually brought up Rachel. Ignoring the knowing look between the two girls, he'd prodded, "so where the hell is she?"

"She's still in New York City, Puck," Mercedes offered, nudging Quinn in the shoulder.

"Why? School's been out for the summer for a while now." His voice was laced with irritation but he didn't fucking care. He hadn't talked to Rachel in months and he knew that it was his fault for not writing her back but at the time, it had seemed like the best thing to do. She was always in his head when they talked so he'd assumed that if they didn't, she'd eventually faded to the background where, he felt, she really belonged. But, as it turned out, he was fucking wrong and by the time he realized he's royally screwed up, his ego prevented him from emailing her again. So he'd pushed her out of his mind…except for every time he heard a song that they'd sung in Glee…or every time he'd seen a girl with her build…or every time he'd been balls-deep in one of the many willing women on campus. And then, being back in Lima and driving past many of the places he'd taken her those last days of August, she was back to being constantly on his fucking mind again. It was driving him crazy.

"She's in a summer program, Puck," Quinn rolled her eyes. "She'll be home on August 1st. I talked to her this morning. She said this workshop is really helping her and that she's having a blast."

"Cool," Puck breezed, trying his best to sound nonchalant. "Well tell her I said "hey" when you talk to her."

* * *

"He said 'hey'?" Rachel shrieked into the phone.

Back in Lima, Mercedes pull the phone from her ear momentarily to preserve her ear drum from shattering due to Rachel's incredible lungs.

"He ignores my email and doesn't write me back for months and _now_ he wants to send his regards?"

"Look, Rach, don't kill the messenger. Besides, why ya so pissed anyway?"

Standing outside the dance studio, Rachel bit her lip. She hadn't divulged much about her time with Noah to Mercedes or Quinn and wasn't sure how much she was comfortable sharing, even if they were her two closest friends. Her time with Noah felt like _their _time and while she was okay with sharing her story with someone who didn't know him, like Allie, it made her uneasy to divulge these intimate facts with her two friends, one of which had a baby fathered by him a few years before.

"Mercedes," Rachel groaned, "I can't get into the full details now but…as you may as well know, Noah and I shared some things last summer and we kept in contact for part of the school year and then he stopped answering my email and I haven't talked to him since."

Mercedes tumbled onto her bed, trying to stifle her giggles at Rachel's confirmation of what she and Quinn had suspected all along. "I knew you slept with him, Rachel. I could tell…. So how was it?"

Rachel sighed. "Which time, Mercedes?"

When Mercedes burst out a belly laugh, Rachel snipped, "I'll see you when I get home. Give Quinn my love and goodbye!"

Back in Lima, Mercedes' giggles finally subsided and she typed out a text message to Quinn.

_[Q, R confirmed that she did the nasty with P last summer. We were right!]_

* * *

"You're going to this party, Rachel," Quinn barked, pushing clothes around in Rachel's closet at she looked for something suitable to wear. Mercedes was rooting through the accessories drawer and muttering under her breath about Rachel's continued lack of style.

Defeated, Rachel flopped down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. "Girls, I'm tired. I just got home _today. _It's been an exhausting summer. I think I need to rest tonight."

Quinn pulled a skirt and a top off a hanger and tossed them on the bed next to Rachel. She glanced at the clock and then said, "You have two hours to take a nap. We'll be back at 7pm to get your ass ready for this party. You're _going. _You don't actually have a choice in the matter."

Mercedes pulled a few items from the drawer to go with the ensemble that Quinn had selected and then turned toward the girls. "C'mon, Quinn. Rachel, we'll be back in two hours. Now sleep!"

Rachel watched her two friends leave. Then she pushed herself up off the bed, draped the clothes over the chair, and pushed back her covers. She climbed in and yanked them over her head to block out the daylight. As she drifted off to sleep, she wondered if Noah would be at the party. It'd been so long since they'd talked…and even longer since they'd seen one another. A chill ran through her as she thought of him but she pushed it away and fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

When they stepped inside Matt's house, the music was thumping. Rachel immediately recognized most everyone as former classmates who were obviously home from college as well as a few that she knew had never left Lima. She nearly tripped over Artie's wheelchair before catapulting herself on his lap to give him a hug and catch up on how life he handled his freshman year at MIT. Artie wheeled into the next room with Rachel still on his lap but she slid off when she saw Tina standing there, a cup in hand, talking to Mike Chang. The three friends embraced in a hug and Rachel told them about her freshman year at school and they exchanged roommate horror stories. Even as they spoke, Rachel's eyes darted around the room, looking for the tall figure of Puck somewhere amidst the crowd. She tried to hide her disappointment when she didn't see him but told herself that it was still early.

Rachel wandered through Matt's house, taking care to avoid Karofsky and the hockey goons that were congregated in the game room, screaming at the huge television and throwing popcorn as two of their cronies battled it out on a video game. She could tell, even from the briefest of glances, that the group in that room hadn't changed one bit and would probably be doing the same things twenty years later. She ran into Brittany and Santana in the hallway and they caught up on all that had happened in the past year. Both the girls informed Rachel that they were preparing to try out for the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders next season and Rachel squealed happily for the both of them.

"Girls, that would be _amazing. _I bet you both get in. You're both _so _talented!" Rachel gushed, partially out of excitement for the girls and partially because they were both talking to Rachel _and _being friendly for once. _My, how a year can change some people, _Rachel thought dryly once she excused herself and headed into the kitchen to find a bottle of water.

Stepping inside the crowded room, she squeezed between a few people and grabbed a bottle of water from the ice bucket. Turning back around, she stopped mid-step and stood still. Standing with his back to her, in between the knees of a girl who was sitting on the counter with her hands around his shoulders, was Puck. She could hear the two of them talking softly and she felt her heart start to pound.

_Do I say something? _

_Do I approach him? Wait, of course I don't. He's obviously…busy._

Rachel watched as the girl, who she vaguely recognized, leaned in and pecked Puck on the lips. She felt her eyes fill with tears as memories of the kisses, touches, and caresses that filled their last days of summer flooded back into her memory. If she closed her eyes and tried, she could still feel the weight of his body pressing her into the bed. Stifling a cry that both scared her and perplexed her because of the intensity of emotion coursing through her, she turned to flee. As she did, she ran head-on to someone carrying a fresh keg.

"Oh!" she yelled. "I'm so sorry!"

The room quieted at her outburst and everyone, including Puck, turned to look at her. Their eyes met and Rachel's mouth opened slightly, like she wanted to speak. Before she could, though, the girl Puck was with used her index and middle finger to push Puck's chin back and turn his attention back toward her.

Rachel watched the exchange, gripped her water bottle tighter, and then exited the room quickly, her heart pounding in her throat.

Puck finally pulled his attention back from Candy (or was it Mandy?) and glanced back at Rachel but the spot she'd been standing in was empty. He swore under his breath. He'd been waiting, _waiting all fucking summer, _for her to get home. He'd only come to the party that night because he'd hoped he'd see her. _And when I finally do, I'm between the thighs of _this_ chick. _Frustrated, he pushed away from the girl and stalked through the kitchen.

"Puck?" the girl called after him.

He waved her off with a flick of his wrist and stomped into the next room, his eyes skimming for Rachel. When he didn't see her, he went room by room until he'd covered nearly the whole house and walked in on Santana giving some dude a blowjob in a closet.

Practically sprinting, Puck landed in the living room and his eyes darted at the faces that clogged nearly every inch of space. As he tried to move through the crowd, a girl he'd gone down on early last summer snagged him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Hey, Puck," she murmured, tipping her head up to smile at him. Puck's hands gripped her wrists tightly, detaching her from his body. Without a word, he gently pushed her aside and continued on his search for Rachel. Furious at himself and pissed at Rachel for bailing, he stepped out onto the porch and finally spotted her climbing into the backseat of Quinn's car. They locked eyes for a moment before she slammed the door and disappeared behind the tinted window. He stood, still as stone, until the car pulled away and went around the corner and out of his sight. Thoroughly pissed off, he jammed his fingers through his hair and went back inside.

When Rachel got back home, she glanced at the clock. It was only 11:30 and her curfew hadn't been until 2am. Groaning, she grabbed an apple and some water and headed up to her bedroom. As soon as she was situated, she heard a knock on her bedroom door before it opened.

"Honey," her daddy said. "We're heading to bed. Did you have a good time at the party?"

_No. Noah was sucking face with some random girl. _"Not really, Daddy, no. It was quite dull, which is why I came home early. I'm going to get caught up on my emails and then just go to bed."

Her father bent and kissed her on the forehead, whispered goodnight, and then let himself out of the room, closing the door behind her.

Rachel hopped online and skimmed through her emails while her mind traveled back to Noah. She didn't know why she'd gotten so upset. It wasn't like they'd been dating or anything. He certainly wasn't cheating on her because they weren't even together. But as her return home had loomed closer on the calendar, he'd been on her mind nearly constantly. She'd battled with herself over anger that he'd basically cut her out of his life and the strong desire she still felt for him. Seeing him with that tramp only punctuated the fact that her feelings - and her relationship with Noah - were more complicated than she'd allowed herself to admit.

With a heavy-hearted sigh, she closed her laptop and sat it on her desk before stripping off her clothes and pulling a tank top over her head. Pushing back her comforter, she flipped off the light, sending the bedroom into darkness, and climbed into bed.

Turning on her side, she stared at the window and watched the silhouette of tree branches dance against the white blinds. Irritated that she couldn't pull her mind from Noah, she tossed and turned and then ended up on her other side.

From across the room, she heard her BlackBerry beep. Groaning, she pushed herself off the bed and grabbed it, bringing it back into the bed with her. Opening the text message, she read:

_[You left before we could talk tonight.]_

She stared at his message, unsure of how to reply. Wavering between anger and hurt, she finally tapped out: _[You seemed too preoccupied to notice.]_

Moments later, her phone beeped again. _[Bullshit. And I'm on the porch. Let me in.]_

"No," she told her phone. "Go back to your little slut." _[Go home. I'm trying to sleep.]_

She started to put her phone down but it beeped again. _[If you don't open the door, I'm going to start ringing the bell and wake up your dads.]_

"Dammit," Rachel swore into the darkness. Rachel kicked off her covers and stood up, smoothing her top down before she slipped some shorts on and ran her fingers through her hair. She quietly opened up the bedroom door and looked down the darkened hall toward her fathers' bedroom door. It was closed and she could hear soft snores coming from their room.

She quickly flitted down the stairs, not making a sound, and then pulled the door open. Noah was standing in the darkness, staring at his iPhone.

"Good," he said. "I was about to start pounding on the door."

Rachel folded her arms across her chest. "What do you want, Noah? I was trying to sleep."

"You only left the party an hour ago." Puck pushed past Rachel, brushing against her, as he left himself into her house. She watched wordlessly as he headed up her stairs two at a time. She quickly closed the front door, turned the deadbolt, and followed after him. Her body throbbed all over at the idea that they were about to be alone.

When she stepped inside, he was sitting on the edge of her bed in the darkness, waiting for her.

"What are you doing here, Noah?" She wrapped her arm around one of the posts of her bed, her eyes on him. In the moonlight, he raked his eyes over her thin shirt, leaving Rachel feeling vulnerable and exposed.

"Why the fuck did you run off tonight?" Puck groused.

"The party was dull," she answered.

Puck didn't say anything for a few moments. Finally, he looked up at Rachel and admitted, "I've been waiting for you to get home all fucking summer."

Before she could help herself, she barked, "You didn't seem to be waiting on me this evening. In fact, I don't believe that I've even crossed your mind in months."

"That's bullshit, Rachel," Puck barked. "And the chick was hitting on me and of course I was game - I'm always game to be hit on - but dammit, nothing happened."

"You don't have to explain yourself to me," Rachel said, her eyes settling on his. "We have…we have no claim on one another."

Puck pushed himself off the bed and his long fingers wrapped gently around Rachel's biceps, holding her in his grip.

"We may not have a "claim" on one another but _goddammit, _I've wanted no one but you all fucking summer. I can't get you out of my fucking head, Rachel. It's been this way all goddamn year."

"Then why'd you stop answering my emails, Noah?" Her voice betrayed her sadness and the hurt of his cutting off communication laced through.

"Fuck, Rach…I don't know. School kept me so busy and…it just got…" He looked into her eyes. "I don't know why. I guess I thought it was easier. I guess I thought I wouldn't want you so goddamn bad if I didn't talk to you but you know what? I think it made it worse. I haven't been able to think about a goddamn thing but you and your body…and last summer…" his hands slid down her arms and onto her hips.

Rachel pushed away from him and stomped over to the other side of the bed. "Do you think I haven't thought about those nights, Noah? And then you just stop responding to my emails and I think…" her eyes flashed in the darkness as she looked at him, "…and I didn't know what to think."

Puck walked over to her and put his arms on her shoulders, turning her towards him. "I haven't stopped thinking about those nights, Rach. I fucking _can't_. That shit was awesome."

She nodded, saying nothing, and stared up into his eyes. His eyes traveled over her face, seeking acceptance or at least a sign that she wasn't angry with him.

"I missed you, Rach…believe me." His voice was low and it cause heat to flush her cheeks. "I missed your voice." He dipped his head and brushed his lips over her mouth. "And your lips." He lifted his hand up and brushed his thumb over her mouth. "And your breasts." His other hand cupped Rachel's breast through her shirt and her head fell back, heat racing through her body and settling low in her belly where it began to burn with urgency. Puck lowered his head, his hot breath heating her ear, and he softly said, "And the way you felt when I was inside you…"

Rachel shivered at his words and Puck lunged, pulling her head to his and kissing her hotly. She allowed herself to be coaxed into the kiss until she felt his hands slide under her shirt and attempt to push it up. Pulling away, she stepped back toward her bed.

"You can't fix this with sex, Noah," Rachel turned and stared at the blinds covering her window.

"I screwed up, yeah. But what the hell? This whole year, I haven't been able to figure out…do we talk, do we not talk? I'm not sure what the protocol is for how to handle this whole thing…"

Rachel didn't say anything and Puck watched her shoulders tense. "Maybe we shouldn't talk at all anymore, Noah." She turned to face him, her arms crossed protectively. "Last summer was amazing. But it was a year ago… We made no promises to one another and since then, we haven't known how to act. So maybe it's best if we…if we just don't talk anymore."

Puck met Rachel's eyes. "Rach…no. I don't think that's—"

Rachel cut him off. "—No, Noah, it is… Otherwise, we just complicate things." She turned her back on him again and waited for him to leave. After a few seconds, she turned toward him again.

He was standing still, fists balled, staring at the floor. He slowly lifted his head, his eyes boring into her, and he stepped forward.

"So you're just gonna kick me out of your life because it's easier? Goddammit, Rach, I have no idea what the fuck _this _is and yeah, I fucked up and I'm going to continue to fuck up, but I can't help the attraction I've had to you for nearly four fucking years. And I know, thanks to the way you respond to me _every single fucking time_ I touch you, that you feel the same way. You can push me away and pretend that it doesn't exist but it won't help." Puck grabbed Rachel's wrist and pulled her against him, grinding his hips into hers. "All I know is that I want you so goddamn much and I'm not leaving here until you admit that you want me, too."

Rachel stared up at him and felt his chest moving rapidly. She felt her hands shaking and tried to pull away from Puck but he just held her closer. "Tell me, Rachel."

"Noah, I—" She looked around her room, her heart pounding in her ears. "I—"

"Tell me."

Rachel looked into his eyes and saw the pleading in them. _Noah. Oh god, Noah. It's so hard to resist..._ Ending this - _this whatever it was_ - made the most sense. But the idea of ending it and of him never touching her again was _too much. _"—I don't _want _to want you but...I do…"

Puck wasted no time, pressing his lips to her and sinking his tongue into her mouth. Rachel whimpered as his hands slid down to cup her ass, pulling her tightly against him and grinding his erection into her belly. He tore his lips from her mouth and ran them down her throat, his hands snaking up to push the straps of her tank top down her arms until the top slipped down, pooling around her waist.

Puck stilled with one arm around her waist, lifting her head to meet her eyes as his had slipped up her abdomen to gently cup her small breast, his thumb flicking out to work the nipple into a hardened peak at a slow, deliberate pace. He kept his eyes on her even as he dipped his head to take the pebbled nipple into his mouth, sucking until Rachel wilted against him, her hands tightening on his sides to partially hold herself up.

"I missed your body," Puck groaned as his other hand teased and plucked her nipple. "Goddamn, Rachel, I missed _you_."

Rachel shuddered, her hands frantically pulling at Puck's shirt until he pulled away to tug his shirt over his head. He met her eyes again and Rachel lunged at him, jumping to wrap her legs around his waist. Puck held her, pressing her breasts against his chest, and backed her toward the bed. As he laid her back against the sheets, she unwound her legs and pushed her shorts and panties off, spreading herself lewdly for him.

Puck groaned when Rachel's hand snaked down, her fingers sliding over her clit as she met his eyes. Puck pushed his shorts and boxers to the ground, stroking his cock in his hand as he watched her.

"D'you think about me, Rachel?" His eyes burned into her as she flicked her finger against her clit and then instinctively arched against her own hand. "Did you think about me when you touched yourself?"

Puck's eyes slipped away from Rachel as he pulled open her side drawer, feeling around in the dark until his fingers snagged a condom that he knew she kept there. He slid his gaze back toward her as he tore the package open, stroking himself a few more times before sliding it down over his cock.

Grabbing her legs, Puck pulled Rachel down until her ass was at the edge of the bed. Thumbing his cock down, he dragged the tip of it against her clit, groaning at the heat and moisture he could feel even through the thin sheath.

"Answer me, Rach," he ordered, his voice thick with desire. "Did you think about me when you fucked yourself?"

The head of his cock slipped inside her pussy and she moaned in response but just as quickly, he pulled back out again. Rachel balled her fists and grunted in frustration, pushing her pussy toward him in a vain attempt to get him to assuage her need.

"Did you?" he prodded again.

Frustrated, Rachel lifted her head and met his eyes. "Yes, Noah, oh god…yes."

Puck growled, hooked an arm under her leg to push her open, and shoved himself inside her until he felt his balls hit her body.

"Fuck, baby…" Puck thrust into her roughly, pressing her legs open wider so he could get closer and deeper. "Goddamn, Rachel…"

Rachel arched her back and then jerked her hips against him, sliding herself over his cock as hard as possible because she needed release. And _now_.

"Noah, pleeeeeese," she keened, her hands sliding around to cup his ass, pushing him against her. Her nails dug into his ass but the slight pain only further aroused him.

Puck groaned. "Rach, this won't...you've...you've gotta slow down or..."

"Noah…_God_, Noah…I need to come…"

Puck bent over, attached his lips to her collarbone and sucked hard as his hand slid between there bodies, his fingers massaging her clit.

"Come, baby…" Puck's rhythm faltered, heat rushing from his belly into his balls. "Please, Rach, fucking _come…_" Puck groaned, unable to hold back anymore as he emptied himself into the condom. Rachel felt him swell inside her and she grunted loudly, her legs tightening around his waist as she came hard.

Puck collapsed on top of her, their ragged breath the only sound in the room. After a few moments, Puck pulled out and Rachel sighed sadly at the empty feeling inside her.

With weak legs, he walked into Rachel's bathroom and tossed the condom in the trash can before walking back into the room and climbing into the bed. He flopped on his back and tugged Rachel against him so that she rested on his chest as he cradled her head in his large hands.

"Noah?" She whispered into the darkness a few minutes later.

Puck's hands slid through her hair, his fingers twirling the soft tresses through his callused fingers. "Yeah?"

"You do realize that it's August 2nd again, don't you?"

She felt Puck's chest move slightly as he laughed. "Yeah, I do. I guess that's our day, huh?"

Rachel sighed, closing her eyes as she inhaled the smell of his skin. "I suppose so."

Quietly, Rachel listened to the beat of his heart until his even breathing lulled her into sleep.

When she woke up a few hours later, it was because Puck's fingers were sliding between her legs. He loomed over her, grinning perversely when she opened her eyes.

"Hope you don't mind," he murmured, his thumb gently massaging her clit as his lips took hers.

"No," she breathed against his mouth. "Not at all."

Puck slid his lips to her breasts, gently biting them as she slickened for him and he pushed two fingers inside her. Rachel bucked against him and he used his free hand to grab her wrists, holding her hands above her head.

"Noah, _oh_…" Rachel's head thrashed from side to side, a thrill rushing through her at the idea of her hands being trapped and immobile.

"You're gonna come for me, Rach," he stated matter of factly, his tongue slipping out to glide over and trace her mouth as his fingers curled inside her. "And then," he added, kissing her quickly, "you're gonna ride me."

Rachel arched, clenching around him as she came. Puck yanked his fingers fro her body and jerked open the drawer, grabbing a condom and rolling it down quickly. Lying on his back, he tugged Rachel on top of him and slipped inside her, thrusting up as he pushed her down.

When Rachel bit her lip and met his eyes as she roughly rode him, Puck realized that it was going to be a _long_ night.

* * *

"How am I gonna get outta here, Rach? I know your dads are up now."

Rachel had her head on Puck's shoulder, his arm tightly around her, as sun shone through the blinds.

"Is your truck in the driveway?" she asked.

"Nah, it's down the street."

"Well…we're adults. I guess I'll just walk you out and then remind my parents that I'm 19 and a responsible adult?"

Puck laughed, turning toward Rachel to kiss her temple. "How long are you home for, Rach?"

"Only three days," she complained. "Then we're going to Indiana to see my grandmother. We'll be back the 11th."

"Fuck," Puck swore. "That's when I'm leaving to go back to Pennsylvania."

Turning in his arms, Rachel kissed him sweetly. "Then I guess we have a lot to do in the next three days?"

"Rach?" Puck questioned, lifting his eyes to double-check that Rachel's door was locked. "Am I turning you into a nympho?"

Rachel nodded, a smile transforming her face. "I can't help it."

Puck pulled Rachel against him and then rolled her over, yanking the drawer open to snag another condom. "Shit," he said as he felt around. His fingers finally snagged a packet and he muttered, "last one. We gotta get more of these, babe."

Rachel nodded, her eyes closed as she felt him press inside her. Terrified that her fathers were going to come upstairs, she and Puck stayed as quiet as possible and as she flew apart beneath him, Puck slid a hand over her mouth. Getting chased out of Rachel's room with his pants in his hands was not on his agenda that morning.

* * *

Puck pressed Rachel against his truck, the sound of the river rushing past them. She was leaving in the morning to head to her grandmother's house so it was their last night together again for the summer.

"So how do we handle next year, Noah? I don't want things to be awkward…"

Puck kissed her, leaning his forehead against hers. "Why don't we email when we can…no pressure and no hurt feelings, okay?"

Rachel nodded, sliding her hands to the back of his head to press his lips against hers. When they parted, Puck could see that Rachel's eyes were full of unasked questions.

_What are we? _

_Do we matter to one another?_

_What is this?_

"Rach…" Puck's voice was heavy.

Rachel pressed her fingers to his lips, effectively shushing him. "Don't say anything, Noah. Just kiss me. We'll figure things out eventually."

As Puck backed Rachel into the cab of his truck and then crawled in with her, he focused on her body and the way she made him feel. He wasn't sure how he felt about Rachel at that moment and he couldn't begin to guess how she felt about him. Did she love him? And _fuck, d_id he love her? Was there more to this than just a deep friendship and smokin' sexual chemistry? There were no easy answers to those questions. All he did know was that, for the second August in a row, they were consumed with each other and at that moment, it was enough.

**

* * *

Next up: Another year in the world of Puck and Rachel…**


	4. Hello, New York

**Author's note:** I apologize for the HUGE delay in updating this story. My one-shot muse took over my life and wouldn't let me really write much else. I think I have all my muses (and there are a lot of them) back under control now so the next update shouldn't take quite as long!

_**

* * *

September 21**__**st**_

_**Rach,**_

_**Please remind me what's wrong with dropping out of college? I'm only six weeks into the semester and the bullshit is already killing me. I hate every one of my fucking classes but the music ones and I only have two of those. Maybe once I get through all of this elective shit, it will get better? (This is where you say, "Yes, Noah, I promise it will get better.")**_

_**Oh, I have a new roommate this year and he's really cool. He's also a music major (although he plays the fucking trumpet so I may murder him during the year if I have to hear that shrill shit too much) and he's not a scary motherfucker like the last guy was. He almost seems normal. We'll see if he ends up howling at the moon or some shit. The year is still young.**_

_**Guess I gotta get…these papers won't write themselves.**_

_**N**_

_..._

_ **September 24**__**th**_

_**Noah,**_

_**Yes, Noah, I promise it will get better.**_

_**Okay, now that I've said that, I will tell you that I definitely believe the statement you forced me to make. This is just one semester and you'll get through it. And like you said, it's all those electives. Believe me, I'm not exactly enjoying this sociology class but I know it's necessary and just one small speck in the greater scheme of things. **_

_**I'm glad you got a better roommate. I'm happy that ours didn't change at all this year. I love Allie too much and am glad we're planning on rooming together all four years. I hear enough roommate horror stories to know how lucky I am.**_

_**I have a voice lesson so I suppose I need to sign off. **_

_**I miss you,**_

_**Rachel**_

_

* * *

_

Puck was walking across campus, the early October sun beating down on his neck, when his phone rang. Seeing Rachel's name pop up shocked him a bit because she never called. Afraid of something bad, he quickly answered. "Rach? What's up?"

"Hi, Noah! I know we never do the whole telephone thing but my computer broke and I have to replace it so I might not be available for a few days. I just didn't want you to think I was ignoring you if there was a long lapse between replies."

Puck was pretty sure that Rachel left the whole "like you did to me last year" thing out on purpose and for that, he was thankful.

Puck slowed down his pace, cinching his backpack tighter against his shoulder. "Okay…so how'd you break a laptop, Rach? Did it just blow up or did all that horrible shit you listen to finally short the thing out?"

Rachel "hmphed" into the phone and said, "No, Noah…it's an old computer. It just won't turn on anymore. Daddy bought me a new one already and it's being shipped to me. Then I need to take it to our campus computer guys and see if they can save all my _fabulous _music and transfer it over."

"Yes, because you'll die without your Barbra and your Celine and your Josh and your Olivia and all those other people that were forced down my throat in Glee club," Puck rolled his eyes even as he smiled because he actually _liked _hearing her voice. Talking was so much better than fucking typing.

"You're right, I may very well die without them. They are like oxygen to me!" Rachel sang dramatically into the phone.

Puck found himself laughing at her antics. "Fuck, Rach…I think you need to call me more. This is way better than email."

Rachel sighed and agreed, "Yes, it is. And call me anytime, Noah. If I can't answer, I promise I'll call you when I can."

"Sure thing, babe. Look, I gotta head into class. Be in touch soon."

"Okay. Have a good day!"

"You, too. Bye."

Puck ended the call, shoved the phone in his pocket and headed into class with a grin on his face. His day had suddenly improved.

* * *

"…and I know it's horrible to say but I swear, I have more talent in my pinkie than a lot of my classmates have put together!"

Puck dropped onto a bench, ignoring the November chill that raced through his body. "Don't even pretend to feel guilty about thinking that way, Rach. That's _you_. You've been positive of your talent since you were practically still a sperm."

"I don't like to sound conceited, Noah, and—"

Puck's snorting cut her off. "I'm calling you on your bullshit, Rach. Do we need to take a walk down memory lane? Have you forgotten the time you had that 500 pound chick from the A/V club bug the choir room so you could bust us for "not pulling our weight" in Glee? You're fucking cut-throat and you _know _it!"

Rachel huffed into the phone as she stood outside the lecture hall. He did have a point. She _hated _it when he was right. "Fine, Noah…you're correct. Maybe I can have tunnel vision but seriously, I feel like these people are no competition for me! And I'm just…I'm not getting anything out of school, you know? I mean, sure, I'm fine-tuning my talent and all that but I just don't really know what I'm going to truly get out of this."

"Uhh…a college degree, for one," Puck stated. "Are you thinking of dropping out or something? Because just two months ago, didn't you lecture me on the value of school and all that shit?"

Rachel shook her head vigorously. "No, no…I'm not saying that at all. I'm just thinking out loud Noah, really. I'm honestly just really frustrated with school and everything and you and Allie, and sometimes Flora and Olivia, usually bear the brunt of my complaining."

Puck kicked his leg out in front of him, ignoring the bicyclist who had to swerve around him and nearly went over the handlebars in the process. He liked being one of the people Rachel came to when she needed advice or just wanted to rant.

"Okay, Rach. Just checkin'. I don't wanna have to go all "Rachel Berry" on you but if you need me to, I will."

Rachel laughed and sounded more relaxed, which eased Puck's mind slightly. "I have no doubt, Noah. You know me well enough to give me a taste of my own medicine."

"I'd like to give you a taste of something," he said suggestively, a leering grin on his face that he wished she could see.

From New York, Puck her Rachel groan disapprovingly. "I have to go, Noah. Take your perverse thoughts and enjoy your day."

Laughing, Puck stood up. "You too, Rach. Call me back later if you wanna talk dirty. Oh, and everything would be better if you'd maybe just get drunk once in a while. Seriously, Rach, you need to drink. Anytime I'm having doubts about school and shit, I drink. S'funny how the doubts just slip away with a little JD coursin' through my veins…"

"Noah, I'm not getting drunk!"

"Well then I guess you're stuck with thinking too much, aren't you?"

Rachel moaned pathetically into the phone.

"Look, Rach. I know you're frustrated. But as you've lectured me a hundred times, it's just one semester. Next semester will be different. Maybe you aren't getting anything out of it now but next semester could be totally different. Just…don't give up, okay?"

Shaking her head, Rachel said, "You're right, Noah, you're right. And thank you."

Puck smirked. "I got your back, babe."

"I'd better get to class. I'll call you soon, okay?"

"K, Rach. See ya."

Rachel closed the phone and slid it back into her purse. Noah was right, she knew. She would make it through this semester and the next one would be different. Feeling more relieved than she had in days, Rachel headed into class.

* * *

In early December, Puck was sitting on his bed messing with his guitar when his phone rang, Rachel's name flashing across the scene. They'd been regularly talking a few times a week and so her calling was no big surprise. When he answered, she said, "Just another week or so and we can get away from the school madness and go home for the holidays!"

"So…at least we'll be able to see each other at break this year? Won't have to wait until August, huh?" Puck sounded optimistic and hopeful as his mind wandered to their past time together. He felt himself instantly grow hard at the idea of seeing her soon and was smiling into the phone until he heard the pause on the other end of the line. "Rach?"

Rachel blew out a dejected breath into the phone. "I'm sorry, Noah. I'm getting home on the 14th and we're leaving for my grandma's on the 15th. We won't be back until the 25th… But we can see each other after that!"

It was Puck's turn to complain. "No, no we can't. I'm not getting home until the 16th. And we leave for my uncle's house in Cleveland on the 25th. We're not coming back until January 3rd and I'm heading back to school on the 4th. When are you going back to school?"

Rachel's voice was small. "January 3rd."

"Dammit!" Puck swore. "This is absolute bullshit. So we're going to be in town at the same time for, like, what? A day? Maybe a few hours?" He threw himself back against his pillows and glared up at the ceiling. Holidays were fucking with his plans to see Rachel and get laid. That shit wasn't kosher.

"I'm sorry, Noah," Rachel said honestly. "You know I'd love to spend some time with you. Holidays are just such a busy time for our family."

"Mine, too. But it still sucks."

"Well, I'm calling you on the 25th and hopefully we'll be able to get together…if even for a few minutes?"

Puck inwardly groaned. A few minutes would be useless…but a few were better than none. "Yeah, okay."

"It'll work out, Noah. It always does."

Minutes later, a very frustrated Puck hung up the phone and closed his eyes. _So much for not waiting until August. _

* * *

The holidays, as expected, were full of the normal hustle and bustle. Rachel's family was a mix of faiths since one of her fathers was Jewish and the other was not so she experienced touches of both Hanukkah and Christmas each year. Gathering at her grandmother's home for the holidays was normally something Rachel looked forward to each year. But as she sat around listening to her Aunt Cindy regale the family with stories about the depressing Indiana housing market or her Uncle Bart talking incessantly about fishing down at Lake Monroe, Rachel's mind drifted to Noah back in Lima. She fought the disappointment that threatened to ruin her mood every time she thought about wanting to see him and being unable to. And then that made her analyze why she'd have such a reaction to him anyway.

As she lay in the small bed in the attic-turned-guestroom, Rachel's mind traveled to her past two Augusts with Puck. Why had it even really happened? They were nothing to one another…right? The physical attraction was undeniable and had been there for years but finally giving in to it had opened a floodgate full of uneasy waters. So many times, she wanted to say, "Noah? Are we more to one another than just sex and friendship? What is this? What are we?" But every time she tried, she chickened out. She knew how Puck was when it came to relationships. She could anticipate his reactions and was too afraid to lose what they had, even as convoluted and as confusing as it may be. So they came together each August and for a few days anyway, he was hers and she was his. And the rest of the time? They led their own lives, even if he did have a piece of her heart that she wasn't willing to reclaim yet. All she _did _know was that the entire relationship was confusing and frustrating...and she didn't want to live without it.

...

When Rachel got back to Lima on the 25th, her fathers noticed how antsy she was but couldn't figure out why. As soon as their car pulled into the driveway, Rachel typed out a message to Puck. _[Back in Lima. PLEASE say you haven't left yet?]_

Seconds later, her phone beeped. _[Leaving in less than an hour but I will be at your house in five mins.]_

Rachel stayed in her room, slowly unpacking her suitcase as she waited for Puck to get there. When her bedroom door opened, she met his hazel eyes and smiled.

"Hey," he said. He walked in and closed the door with his foot, his hands in his pockets as his eyes raked over her. She looked so fucking hot. He sometimes forgot the way her skin just seemed to glow.

Rachel tucked her skirt under her legs and sat down on her bed. "Hello," she answered shyly. Then she added, "How are you?"

"Fine…dreading this Cleveland trip but if I don't go, my grandma will kill me. And it's not worth listening to my mom bitch if I don't go so—"

Rachel cut him off. "—Noah, you don't have to explain why you won't be in town. I understand."

Puck dropped next to her on the bed. "I know…just sucks that this is pretty much it for us." He turned her face toward him. "And we can't even do anything…can we?" His question was hopeful.

Rachel laughed and brushed him off. "No, we can't. My fathers are unpacking next door. I don't think that would go over too well."

Falling back on the bed, Puck stared up at the ceiling. "Dammit, I know. Can't blame me for tryin', right?"

"I would expect nothing less from you, Noah Puckerman. You do have a reputation, even with me."

Rachel laid back next to him and they both stared at the ceiling.

"So how was grandma's?" Puck asked. He wanted to at least make out a little bit but honestly, leaving frustrated would only make things more miserable for him than they already were.

"It was fine. Same holiday as every other year. Annoying relatives, strange food, nothing to do. Usually it's fun but this year…"

"You wanted this, right?" He asked, a smirk on his face as he pointed at his crotch.

"Noah!" Rachel bellowed. "Could you be more tacky? Wait…don't answer that." She rolled toward him, her face contorted in laughter, and he watched her.

"Admit it…all ya gotta do is admit it and I'll drop it," he prodded, flipping over to face her.

Rachel tucked her hand under her cheek and nodded her head against the blankets. "Yes…I will admit to thinking about _that _more than I should have been, given my company."

Puck gave her a satisfied grin. "Don't be shocked, Rach. My shit's like the finest wine...have it a few times and then the cheap shit just doesn't cut it anymore."

"You're a pig, Noah," she told him as her eyes roamed over his face.

"Hey, Rach?" Their eyes locked.

"Yes?"

"You gonna fuckin' kiss me or not? I gotta leave in, like, five minutes or my mom is gonna be banging on your front door."

Rachel smiled at him but then closed the space between them, their lips coming together softly. His arm went around her and pushed her against him. It had been _months _since they'd seen each other, let alone kissed, and just a simple brush of the lips brought back so many emotions and memories for both of them.

Puck rolled Rachel beneath him and tilted her head up, slanting his lips over hers as hard and as fast as he could. He felt like he was racing the clock but just one more kiss was all he needed. Or maybe just _one more_ after that.

When his phone rang, they broke apart. He glared at it and answered, barking into the phone, "On my way."

Standing up, he blatantly adjusted himself in front of her and watched as she blushed. The fact that she could still be so shy after all the things they'd done to each other still made him grin.

"I gotta go, babe." He bent and kissed her one more time and then said, "I'll text ya. And as soon as we're both back at school, call me, k?"

Rachel nodded. "Have a safe trip, Noah."

"See ya." Their smiles lingered for a second longer and then he slipped out of her room and out of her house.

Rachel fell back on her bed again, unbelievably frustrated. Why were things with Puck so complicated?

* * *

Seeing Puck briefly in December caused Rachel to miss him more than ever once she got back to school. And it made her think more and more about the "what ifs" of the two of them. One evening, she was lying in her bed, her arm curled around a pillow, as she watched Allie study.

"Al?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah?" Allie looked up from her book.

"Do you think I should just ask Noah if we can't try to be "more"? We've been doing this talking/sex in August thing for a few years now and…"

"And he's the only guy you really think about, considering you haven't dated at all this entire school year?"

Rachel sat up, leaning her head against the wall, and closed her eyes. "I told you girls when the school year started that I couldn't be bothered with random dating this year. I've been heavily focused on improving myself and preparing for my future. I don't have time for that to be complicated by men."

"Except for Noah," Allie added, a knowing smile on her face.

Rachel opened and eye and glared at Allie and then scrunched up her face. "Why is he so different?"

Allie stared at her incredulously. "Uhhh…because you love him. Duh."

Scoffing, Rachel threw her pillow at Allie. "I don't love him! I care about him…but love? No way…"

"You don't sound convincing," Allie told her honestly.

"It's just…" Rachel stood up and paced the floor. "It's just complicated with Noah. We have this history, you know? All through high school, even when I was with Finn and then Jesse and then Finn again, Noah was…there. I always noticed him…he seemed to always notice me. And we tried to date a few times but we never worked as a couple. So why would I think we would work now?"

"Because you're older and you two have spent plenty of time together outside the halls of our high school, having incredible sex and worthwhile conversation. And face it, Rach…he's pretty damn hot from what I've seen."

Rachel snorted. "Noah's definitely attractive, there's no denying. It's just… I don't know how I feel about him. It's like I want him in my life but I'm _so afraid_ that it won't work again and…" Rachel swiveled and faced Allie. "Is it wrong that I would rather just be with him once a year and know things are going to be okay between us then try to make it work and it fall apart into a hideous disaster?"

Allie chewed on the cap of her pen, eyeing her friend thoughtfully. "Honestly, Rach…I think you're both fucked in the head." Rachel's mouth popped open and Allie put up her hand to stop her from speaking. "Hear me out… You two obviously care about each other. You aren't a couple yet you're in each other's lives. Once a year, for a few days or a few weeks, you two are together. But the rest of the year, you have _no _idea what he does right? Who he's sleeping with?"

Rachel nodded. "No, we don't talk about it. _Ever._"

"Right…and from what you've told me about him, he's pretty free with the dick, isn't he?"

"Yes…" The admission pained her.

"So you have no idea who else he's screwing. If you two dated, would you have the confidence that he was with just you? Shit, Rachel, this is the best of both worlds for you two right now. You connect every year but the rest of the time, you're free to do your own thing. _He _does that just fine. You're the one who has trouble with it. So either date other guys or tell Noah that you want to be with _just_ him…okay?"

Rachel slumped back on her mattress in defeat. "You're right, Allie. I don't believe in the whole long-distance relationship thing anyway. Is it wrong to hope that after college, things with him can be serious?"

Allie laughed. "Not at all. And it just proves that you love him."

Glaring, Rachel groaned. "It's not love, Allie. It's incredible sexual chemistry with friendship and the hope of more thrown in."

Rolling her eyes, Allie glanced back down at her book. "Whatever, Rach. It's okay to have those feelings for him. Just don't let him break your heart, okay?"

Rachel shook her head and sighed. "Okay…yes, definitely. That won't happen."

* * *

"Noah? Have you had any girlfriends this year? We never talk about the whole "who we're dating" thing but…have you?"

On a Friday night, Puck was getting ready to go to a frat party when Rachel called. He grabbed the phone and flopped down on his bed on his stomach and answered and was now listening to her strange line of questioning. "Uhh…girlfriends? Hell, no, Rach. You know that's not me. Why?"

Back in New York, Rachel was quick to answer. "No reason. I was just curious. We just never talk about that aspects of our lives."

"Frankly, wouldn't that be kinda weird? I mean, we're friends so yeah, maybe we should talk about it bu—"

"—but we also get together once a year and—"

"—fuck each other's brains out?" Puck finished for her.

Rachel laughed into the phone. "I wouldn't have worded it like that but yes, that's an apt description, I suppose."

"Exactly. I'm not going to pretend that I'm celibate over here, Rach. I'm not. Am I like I was in high school? Fuck, no. But I'm definitely no angel."

Rachel winced. She knew that was the case but confirmation hurt. She heard Puck pause and realized he was waiting for her reply. Automatically, she said, "I won't pretend the same thing, Noah." Whether she was talking about herself or him, she didn't clarify and he seemed satisfied with her answer.

"Look, I better get. Party's starting soon and I'm meeting a few buddies before we go. Go out and get drunk, Rach. It's Friday."

Rachel sighed into the phone. "I'm going to go watch a movie with the girls, I think. Olivia has a date, of course, but Flora and Allie are here. We'll probably watch something on 'Lifetime'."

Puck snorted. "Enjoy your man-hating movies, Rach. Talk to ya later."

Rachel closed her phone and stared at her hands. One phone conversation with Puck had answered so many questions. He was definitely still enjoying himself and it wasn't like he wasn't allowed to. And he still had an aversion to girlfriends. Thinking back to her earlier conversation with Allie, Rachel let out a weighted breath. At least she hadn't said something stupid by asking him if he wanted to make the long-distance thing work.

Pushing herself up off her bed, Rachel straightened her hair in the mirror. They had August. That's all they needed. Maybe someday there could be more. But right then, it wasn't possible. And Rachel knew, deep down, that it was for the best.

* * *

Everything changed for Rachel on a chilly day in early February. She'd seen the flyer weeks before advertising open auditions for off-Broadway understudies hanging on a crowded bulletin board in one of the lecture halls. It was half-covered by an advertisement for a bicycle repair shop and if she hadn't been trained to spot the word "Broadway" from hundreds of feet away, she might have missed it. She'd stared at it longingly in between classes but knew it was a ridiculous long shot. And then the day of the actual auditions, she found herself with a block of free time and the flyer gripped tightly between her slim fingers as she walked into a small theater. There were hundreds of men and women of all ages and races there. As Rachel registered and took her seat at the back of the theater, she felt nervous for the first time in years. When it was her time to audition, she chose a selection of songs from _Wicked_ and, although she got very little feedback, felt she'd done a stellar job. And when the auditions were over, she went back to school and didn't hold her breath. After all, she was 20 years old and had no real experience other than through high school and college. It was the longest of long shots.

Except for Rachel Berry, it wasn't. Two days after her audition, she got a call back. She auditioned again for another group of dignified looking theater execs and several directors and again, she wowed even herself. And three days later, when she received yet another call back, she actually began to think that maybe, just maybe, Broadway was closer than she first thought.

The phone call that came two days after her last audition telling her that she didn't get the part was nearly devastating. She was so upset that she'd barely heard the woman on the other end of the phone telling her that they'd like her to understudy for the role.

She almost called her fathers first but she knew that they'd lecture her on how she was supposed to finish school before even auditioning. Instead, she called Puck.

"Noah! I got it!"

"Huh?" Puck stretched, bleary-eyed. He'd come home from class and had fallen asleep while studying.

"I auditioned for a part on Broadway and I got it! Well…okay, I didn't get _it. _But I was cast as the understudy for the role! I'm going to be on Broadway!"

Puck swung his legs over the edge of the bed and sat up, arching his back to stretch slightly. "Rach? What the fuck're you talking about? What about school? And what show?"

Rachel grunted at his lack of enthusiasm. "Okay, technically it's actually off-Broadway and I'm just the understudy so I only get to be on stage if the actress is sick or, god forbid, she gets hit by a taxi...but still!"

Clearly frustrated, Puck snapped into the phone. "Rachel…slow the hell down and please explain what the fuck you're talking about?"

"Okay, Noah. I'm sorry. I'm just excited. A few weeks ago, I went to an open casting call on a whim. I didn't think anything would come of it. But I received several call-backs and as a result, I've been tapped to be the understudy for the role of Luisa in the off-Broadway production of _The Fantasticks._"

"Never heard of it," Puck said. "But that's cool! What's this do to school, Rach?"

"Well, there are eight shows a week and I may have to re-arrange my class schedule but since I'm not actually performing unless the lead is out, I can actually do homework and things at the theater. And Noah! Why aren't you more excited for me? This is huge! This is my first step! Broadway is closer than ever!"

Puck sighed as he brushed his hand over his hair. "I know, Rach. It's great for you. I just don't want it to screw up your school thing. _That's_ why you're in New York, after all." Even as he spoke, a weird feeling came over him. "And seriously, what the fuck am _I _doing lecturing _you _about college? School's more your thing than it is mine. I just...you're too fucking smart to throw it all away, okay?"

Rachel groaned and stuck her lip out in a pout. "You sound like my fathers, Noah. I expected a different reaction from you. And I won't be throwing anything away. This is what I'm destined for!"

"Fuck, Rach? What am I supposed to say? I think it's awesome…I just hope you know what you're getting yourself in to! That's all."

"Well thank you for your concern, Noah, but I assure you that I can handle this. _This _is my dream."

"Okay, babe…that's all I'm wondering about."

"Well I suppose I'd better call my fathers and break the news. They're probably going to be less than pleased."

"Lemme know how it goes…And Rach? Congratulations."

"Thank you, Noah."

Squealing as she hung up, she took deep breaths. It was time to call Lima and deliver the news to the two men who would have an even less-than-enthusiastic reaction than Noah had but at that moment, she didn't care. Fame was getting closer and closer and she could almost taste it.

* * *

"Hi Noah. I'm sorry I missed you. I just wanted to say hello. Things are going well, although juggling the show and school is more difficult than I anticipated. But anyway, I know I can handle it. Every bit of struggle is worth it. Call me soon."

...

"Hey Rach. Can't believe I can never catch you these days. Things are okay here. This semester's been pretty easy….had plenty of time to party, though. Ya know, priorities and all. I'll try to catch ya later."

...

"Hi Noah. I swear, I never imagined being an understudy would be so boring. I've been at it for two months now and have I got to go on for her once? Of course not. But I just keep hoping for…I dunno, maybe she'll get a rash or have serious cramps or something and I'll get to go on. Anyway, the show's about to start so I suppose I better be ready for something that isn't going to happen! I miss you."

...

"Hey, Rachel. I'm in Lima for Spring Break. You remember where Lima is, right? That shitty little town in Ohio? Anyway, I saw Quinn and Mercedes at Britt's. They said never talk to you anymore either. Apparently, I'm the lucky one in that I catch you every fourth time I call. They don't even have those odds. I know you're busy but take some time out and call 'em. In case you've forgotten, they can both be bitches. Miss ya. And fucking call me."

...

"Hello, Noah. I thought I'd catch you since I called on a Sunday morning but I suppose you're probably sleeping off a hangover…or something. I'll be around all day today if you'd like to call. I miss talking to you."

Puck listened to Rachel's voicemail, guilt zipping through his blood. He'd seen her name on his phone when she'd called but he'd been indisposed. He looked over at the girl sleeping in the bed beside him and then stared back up at the ceiling. He'd been so good this year about not sleeping around much. Sure, there'd been a girl (or two or there) here and there but compared to the previous year, he was much more subdued. Things with Rachel and where they stood kept him confused most of the time and he always felt guilty being with other women, even though he and Rachel were clearly not "together." But thanks to the show, he rarely ever talked to her anymore and without her voice constantly in his ear, it was easy to slip back into his old ways.

The girl beside him shifted and Puck stood up, sliding on his pants as quietly as possible. He sunk his feet into his shoes, tossed his hoodie over his head, and pocketed his phone. Before she woke up, Puck had slipped out of her room and was back in his own.

He flopped down onto his own bed and dialed Rachel's number. When it went to voicemail, he swore and hung up. He tucked his hands behind his head and watched the ceiling fan sway as it turned quickly in the middle of the room. It was times like these when he wondered why in the hell they'd continued this "thing" in the first place. It was supposed to a one-time thing and that was all…but now they were in each other's lives heavily for people where were seven hours apart geographically and weren't even a couple in the first place. It didn't make any fucking sense to him, really. Maybe it'd be easier if they just let it go…

* * *

"Noah, please have a safe flight home. And I hope it's going to be a good summer for you."

"You're not coming home, are you?" Puck rested the phone on his shoulder as he packed his bag.

"No. I can't…not with the show…"

Puck sighed heavily. It shouldn't bother him as much as it did. "I didn't think you'd be there, anyway. We all know that Broadway is your priority." He glanced up at the clock. "Look, I gotta catch my flight so I'll just… I'll see ya when I see ya."

Rachel closed her phone and closed her eyes, pressing it against her chest. He'd sounded so disappointed and frustrated. She was already missing him…the show had taken away much of her time to even talk to him and now she wouldn't see him this summer…or this August. She hated how much it hurt.

Back in Pittsburgh, Puck glanced around his dorm room one more time to make sure his meager belongings were packed. With his bags and his guitar over his shoulder, Puck hopped into the cab that would take him to the airport. He was glad to be heading back home for the summer but couldn't ignore the nagging voice in his head that reminded him that this summer, there would be no Rachel.

* * *

The summer passed in a quick blur of sleeping in, parties, drinking, the occasional joint, and doing random, useless shit with the guys. When Puck woke up on August 1st, he felt like there was a brick sitting in his gut. He stared at the calendar, his eyes settling on the next day and the fact that this year, August 2nd would be just another dull day. He stretched out in his bed and his eyes turned toward the ceiling. _I wonder if Rachel realizes that we'll miss "our day" this year. _He flipped over onto his side, trying to force the gnawing feeling from his stomach.

Making himself climb out of bed, Puck took a shower and then got dressed. Sitting back down at the computer, he found himself staring at the date again and then the thought occurred to him: _Rachel can't come here but there's no reason I can't go see her, is there? _

He glanced around his room, looking for any reason in the world that would keep him from heading back east early and ending up in New York City. Seeing nothing, a grin twisted his lips. He pushed himself up from his chair, went downstairs to talk to his mom, and then came back upstairs to pack. He was going to New York.

* * *

August 2nd was the most depressing day that Rachel could remember. She went about her normal morning routine but her thoughts were on Noah…on his smile and his laugh and the way he touched her. Her mind replayed their past two August 2nds and the subsequent nights they'd spent, bodies tangled together, and she couldn't help the sadness that overtook her.

_It was my own choice to not go home this year. I have to do this show. This is going to lead to my big break…I can feel it. All I need is a chance to shine and the whole world will be mine._

But by late that afternoon, she's snapped at Allie and had told everyone to leave her alone. When she made it to the theater, she threw her costume on and got her hair and makeup done and then she sat on the couch and sulked until show time. Midway through the show, when she was backstage watching the lead be healthy and talented and un-needing of an understudy, she decided that as soon as she got done for the evening, she was calling Noah. _Maybe hearing his voice will make me feel better?_

Two hours later, Rachel's face was scrubbed free of makeup and she was stepping out of the stage entrance. When she did, she stopped short, her eyes settling on the tall frame of the man leaning against the wall, his ankles and arms crossed with a smirk on his face.

"Noah?" she shrieked, running toward him.

He caught her and hugged her to him, swinging her small body through the air slightly.

"What are you doing here?" she asked into his shirt before she pulled away to look up at him.

His eyes met hers and he pushed her hair from her face. "It's August 2nd, Rachel. Where else would I be?"

She turned her head up toward him and he lowered his head, their lips meeting in the middle. The kiss was tender and sweet and devoid of the normal passion that consumed them when they were together. When she pulled away, she smiled up at him and said, "You don't know how happy I am to see you. I've been sad all day today because…it's our day…and I was going to miss it."

"Yeah, me too…" Puck slung an arm around her shoulders and pulled her against him. "So, where are we headed, babe?"

Rachel looked up at him, concern crossing her face. "We can't go to my apartment. All my roommates but Flora are already back for the new school year and are home tonight."

Puck was quick to reply. "I have a hotel room. It's just up the street, actually. I mean…we can grab some dinner if you want and then…you can come back with me… If you want to…"

Rachel bit her lip, stifling a giggle at his obvious nervousness. "Hold on, Noah. Let me let my roommate know that I'll be…late." Pulling out her phone, she typed out a quick message to Allie and hit send. _[Noah is in town! WILL NOT be home tonight. Going to his hotel. Don't miss me too much! :)]_

Looking up from her phone, she met Puck's eyes. He offered her his arm and her hand slid down his bare forearm and grabbed his fingers, linking their hands together.

"I thought this August 2nd was going to pass without us seeing one another," she said as they strolled down the street.

"It almost did," Puck admitted. "But then I realized that I didn't _want _it to. And I was already planning on driving to school this year instead of flying so that I'd have my truck on campus. I just told my mom that I was coming back out early and then made a slight, seven-hour detour here."

Rachel glanced up at him when they stopped at a crosswalk. "I'm glad you're here, Noah."

Puck smirked at her and raised an eyebrow in acknowledgement. Rachel's phone beeped and she pulled it up, laughing as she read the message: _[oh my GOD! I'm so jealous! DON'T FORGET THE CONDOMS!]_

Watching the laughter play across Rachel's face, Puck asked curiously, "what?"

Rachel paused for just a second and then lifted the phone up for him to read the message. He laughed, the low rumble causing little electrical shocks in her spine, and Rachel laughed with him.

As they crossed the street, Puck leaned into Rachel's ear. "Bought a fresh box. The jumbo pack, actually. Not leaving New York 'til I've used them all."

Rachel blushed and her eyes widened before she grinned. "Then I guess we'd better get moving?"

Puck slowed down as they approached a restaurant. "Actually, and I know this is shocking, but I'm fucking starving. How 'bout we eat, get caught up..." Puck leaned down and spoke into her ear. "And _then _I take you back to my hotel?"

Rachel shivered when his warm breath hit her ear. She was _so _tempted to tell him that she wouldn't mind skipping dinner and then drag him to his hotel but alas, he pulled open the door to a pizzeria and ushered her inside. Everything else would have to wait.

* * *

After a late dinner spent laughing and catching up on the summer in Lima, Puck wrapped his arm around Rachel's shoulder and guided her toward his hotel. They entered the lobby and he nodded at the front desk clerk before they slipped inside the elevator. When the door closed, Puck pressed Rachel against the mirrored walls and softly brushed his lips over her open mouth.

"I've missed you," she said softly, tucking her hands behind her as his broad shoulders pushed her further into the glass.

"Yeah?" His teeth nipped and sucked on her lower lip as his hand slid down her side, settling on her hip.

"Yeah," she breathed, her eyes closing. Puck's lips glided up over her nose and then she felt him softly press a kiss to each eyelid before the door to the elevator opened.

He put an arm in front of the door to keep it open and motioned for Rachel to exit. Once he was out, he pulled the key card from his pocket and tugged her down the hall to room 2243. When he pushed the door open and walked inside, the darkness and chill of the room enveloped them. The curtains were open and his little piece of the New York skyline shone brightly into the room. She glanced out the window and then turned when she heard rustling behind her. Puck had kicked off his shoes and pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it onto the chair that sat by the small table.

Wordlessly, he crooked his finger at her and she smiled shyly before slipping into his arms. She expected him to pick her up caveman style and toss her on the bed so she was surprised when his arms wrapped around her waist and he simply held her as they traded soft kisses. It was times like those, when he sipped her lips and stared into her eyes without them saying a word that she would forget that what they were to each other was undefined. They only spent time together as lovers for just a few days each year and the rest of the time they were friends. He'd never asked her about her sex life outside of what she did with him and she hadn't offered it up. He didn't need to know that for her, he was _it_. No, she hadn't purposely cut out opportunities with other men (other than by being far too driven to take the time) but when it came to sex, he was all she saw…all she felt, even when he was hundreds of miles away and probably between the thighs of another girl. And it wasn't because she loved him, she'd told herself over and over again. She knew better than to fall in love with Noah Puckerman. But she was also honest enough with herself to admit that he mattered to her in ways that no other boy or man ever had.

Rachel pulled herself from her thoughts when Puck's knee nudged her legs open, guiding her back toward the bed. She tumbled down into the softness when her thighs hit the mattress and laughed when she collapsed, pulling him down on top of her.

Puck watched her eyes crinkle with laughter and felt his heart quicken its pace. Pushing her hair back, he stroked his fingers across her forehead as he studied her features. "Are you happy I'm here?" he asked seriously.

Rachel lifted her head, sliding her fingers around his neck to pull his face down to hers. Their lips, just centimeters apart, danced and brushed against one another for what felt like a few long, torturous seconds to Puck before Rachel responded, "why don't you make love to me and find out?"

Puck shuddered, his cock already throbbing for how much he needed this girl. But he was going to take his time… They had all night. He knew he'd fuck her fast and hard before the night was over. He'd feel her come around his cock and his fingers and his tongue and he'd coax her over and over into orgasms that would wear them both out before they'd turn to each other for more. But on that August 2nd, Puck vowed to take things slow.

Rachel felt her mind go blank by the time he'd stripped her of her clothes and slipped his lips over her curves and valleys, never applying enough pressure to sate her but instead only fueling her need for him. She trembled when he finally pulled away long enough to remove his own clothes. Finally thinking that this was it, she groaned in agony when he began running his fingers over her body instead.

She cried out his name, begged him to take her, and arched her hips to try to force him inside her once she'd felt the heavy weight of his cock brush against her center. But only once she was trembling below him, head thrashing from the need that he refused to satisfy did he finally push her legs open and slide his tongue into her pussy. Rachel let out a growl so deep that Puck nearly stopped his ministrations because it didn't sound like her voice. She pushed up on her elbows and gave him a pathetic, frustrated look when she felt him pause against her body. He chuckled and pressed his lips to her inner thigh, his fingers spreading her open for him. When his mouth found her center again, her fingers pressed against his scalp and she bucked her body into his face. When she was crying out his name, he forgot everything else but making this girl – who at that moment was _his girl_ – come so hard that she couldn't speak. Her thighs were trembling after she'd orgasmed and he watched the rise and fall of her breasts from his vantage point between her legs as he rained small kisses along her thighs. He slid the flat part of his tongue slowly up her body and stopped to swirl his tongue across her nipples. When her eyes were still closed as she came down from her high, he pushed inside her heat and slowly, painfully slowly moved his hips to prolong this time with her. He trapped her arms above her head as he thrust into her again and again, sucking hard enough on her breast to leave his mark. When she cried out his name for the second time that night, he gritted hers out just seconds later. And before she drifted off to sleep with her hand tucked into his over his heart, he kissed her forehead and let the feeling of relief of being with her again wash over him and soothe him into slumber.

* * *

Rachel was sliding off Puck's body and collapsing back onto the bed when sunlight began to seep in through the cracks in the curtains the next morning.

"God, I'm exhausted," Puck groaned, rolling toward Rachel to tuck her against him.

She laughed softly, her arm sliding under his to reach around and stroke her back. "How long are you here for?"

"I've got enough money for one more night's stay…" He hesitated for a moment. "So I guess I'm leaving tomorrow."

Rachel nuzzled her head against his neck and asked, "Well, when do you _have _to be back to school?"

"Not for a week."

Grinning against his body, Rachel pulled away and kissed his cheek. "Be right back."

Puck watched her hop out of bed and pad across the room naked. She unabashedly bent over to root through her bag and Puck groaned loudly at the sight of her swollen, exposed sex. Rachel flashed a red-faced smile over her shoulder and then grabbed her phone before climbing back into the bed with him. Sitting cross-legged, she typed on her phone while Puck's fingers slid along the crease in her hip and down her leg before repeating the motion. When her phone beeped a few minutes later, she read it, smiled at the small screen, and then placed her phone on the bedside table.

"It's settled. Flora isn't back yet so Allie is going to sleep in Olivia's room. You can stay with me."

Puck pushed himself up and looked at her. "You serious?"

Rachel bit her lip and nodded. "If you want to stay, that is."

Glancing over his shoulder, Puck read the time on the clock and then turned back toward Rachel. "Hell, yeah, I wanna stay! And we don't have to check outta here for five more hours."

Laughing as Puck pulled her into the blankets, Rachel wrapped her arms around his neck and lifted her head to kiss his lips. "I'm glad you can stay."

Puck nibbled along her jaw and then swiped his tongue across her lower lip. Pressing his forehead to hers, he quietly said, "Me, too, babe."

...

At exactly five minutes before the checkout deadline, Puck and Rachel stood at the hotel front desk finalizing the bill. Once they were done, Rachel grabbed his free hand in hers and they headed out to the parking garage to get his truck. He shoved his bag in behind the seat with his guitar and helped Rachel inside. A few minutes later, he pulled into Manhattan traffic to drive toward Rachel's residence hall. Swearing and sweating through traffic, he was white-knuckled and tense by the time they'd reached her place. "This city is fucking nuts," he muttered to her more than once. He parked in the lot, grabbed his bag from behind the seat, and took Rachel's hand with the other, staring up at the high-rise she called home. "What floor do you live on?"

Rachel tugged him inside the building. "We're on the fifteenth." They entered the elevator and the doors closed, zipping them up to the correct floor. As Rachel pushed her keys into the lock, the door jerked open, pulling the keys from her hand. Puck stared into the wide eyes of a mousy blond with glasses who was staring at him with a grin on her face.

"Rachel! You're here!" She pulled Rachel inside, who dragged Puck in after her, and the door closed. "And you," Allie apprised, her eyes skimming over Puck, "must be Noah."

Puck nodded. "Hey." Under her scrutiny, he shoved his hands in his pockets and he smirked. This chick _clearly _liked what she saw.

"Olivia will be home later," Allie told Rachel in a quick burst of words.

Rachel smiled sheepishly at Puck and said, "Noah, if you'd like to get a shower, I'll give you some towels. I'm sure you…wouldn't mind one." Rachel's mind traveled to the many times they'd turned to each other over the course of the previous night and she realized that she, too, needed to get cleaned up. She lifted her head and met Puck's eyes, noticing the glint in them, and she groaned. Allie watched the exchange with interest and then cleared her throat.

"I'm…I'm gonna go get some lunch out. I'll be back in a few hours." Turning to Puck, she said, "Nice to meet you, Noah. I've heard a lot about you. I hope we have time to talk…later."

Rachel watched with amusement as Allie snatched her purse from by the couch and darted out the door, locking it behind her. But as soon as she was gone, Puck pressed Rachel against the wall and asked, "so how 'bout that shower, Rach?" He dipped his head, snaking his tongue into her mouth, and she moaned softly. When his hand slid down her torso to cup her sex, her head lulled back. Breaking the kiss, she pushed him backwards. "Your sexual appetite is insatiable, Noah."

Puck smirked. "Yours is too, babe…you just like to pretend that you're all uptight and shit but I know the truth."

Rachel rolled her eyes and, even as she admitted to herself that he was right, she tugged him into the bathroom and closed the door behind them.

* * *

Rachel let herself into the apartment after her show and saw Allie and Olivia sitting on the couch. Tossing her purse on the table, she asked, "Where's Noah?"

"He said he was 'bored off his ass' and went to take a nap about an hour ago," Olivia offered without looking away from the television.

Rachel smiled at her roommates and quickly walked across the open space toward her bedroom door. She hated leaving Puck every night for the show but he'd told her not to worry. He'd entertained himself by watching TV or playing on the computer and when she finally made it home each evening, they'd stay up until the early morning hours.

When she let herself into the room, she saw that Puck was asleep on top the covers in just a pair of shorts, one hand thrown over his eyes to block out what light had been in the room when he'd gone to sleep.

"Noah?" Rachel shook him gently but he didn't stir. He looked so peaceful, his face softened in his sleep. His long lashes fanned out over his cheeks and Rachel couldn't help but think he looked slightly beautiful.

She watched him sleep as she slowly slid her pants and her panties down her legs. She neatly folded her discarded clothing and placed it on the chair before removing her shirt and bra and folding those, too. When she was completely naked, she walked over to the bed and climbed in, swinging a leg over his hips and straddling him.

"Noah?" she whispered as she bent to kiss him. He stirred slightly but didn't open his eyes. Bending at the waist, she pressed her bare breasts to his chest and slid up his body slightly, running her lips along his jaw.

His eyes popped open and met Rachel's gaze. "Hey babe." His hands instinctively slid to her waist and his eyes widened when he realized he was touching bare skin.

"What're you doing?" he asked softly, his lips pressed against hers.

"Hoping to seduce you," she whispered in response. Puck chuckled against her mouth and slid his hand between them, down his stomach, and into the soft curls between her thighs.

She shook her head no and pulled away from him, gripping his shorts to pull them down. She pulled them off his legs and tossed them behind her and reached forward, grasping him in her hand. She leaned over him and softly kissed his lips as she stroked him until he was hard and throbbing. Her thumb slid over the sensitive spot on the underside of the head over and over again and his eyes rolled back into his head more than once. Pushing her off him, he grabbed a condom off the table and then turned her so that she was facing away from him. He slid behind her, bending her over at the waist, and pressed into from behind. She dropped until she was on all fours, her hair tumbling over her head and brushing against the blankets as his fingers held tight to her body as he roughly slid in and out of her from behind.

She was so wet and tight around him at that angle that his stamina was quickly in question. Then Rachel lifted her head and looked over her shoulder, urging him on with a "Harder, Noah." He groaned, grabbed her hips, and pounded himself inside her so fast and hard that her thighs started to shake. Reaching around her, he rubbed her clit hard, trying to push her over the edge before he came. When she cried out and fell forward, burying her face in the blankets, Puck let himself go as well.

Sliding out of her, he tossed the condom away and pulled her back to lie flat on the bed next to him. He tangled his fingers in her hair and kissed her roughly before reaching up to flip on the ceiling fan to cool their sweaty bodies.

"I like waking up like that," he said, his eyes closed.

The blood still pounding through her body, Rachel nodded. "I can tell. But we need food. I'm starved."

"D'you think Allie would bring us something? I don't feel like moving."

Rachel swatted his chest. "Yes, Noah, my roommate needs to bring us food while we're lying here naked and basking in the post-coital glow."

Puck laughed and pressed his lips against Rachel's forehead. "Well, I guess we're getting dressed. I'm craving tacos. Let's go find some."

Rachel pushed herself up and Puck grabbed her arm. "And Rach?"

Looking over her shoulder, she said, "yes?"

"Never say 'post-coital' again, please?"

Rachel giggled and slid her clothes back on. She knew they still had four days together but being with him like this, when the sex was hot and the laughter came easily, made it so hard to accept that their time was limited. As she watched him slide a pair of jeans on and button them low on his hips, she found herself wishing for the thousandth time since they'd begun this _whatever _of theirs, that things could be different.

* * *

As their days together passed quickly, Puck learned more than he ever needed to know about Rachel's roommates. Olivia was slightly stuck-up and border=lined on bitch. Allie was sweet and just as nerdy as Rachel had described her. Clearly still a virgin (or very inexperienced), she often blushed when Puck would touch Rachel or pull her onto his lap when they were all hanging out. Most of the time, though, Rachel was either giving Puck a very thorough tour of New York City or they were lost in each other behind the closed door of her bedroom.

On a cloudy Manhattan afternoon, the two were ambling through Central Park on their way to nowhere in particular.

"You talked to Quinn or Mercedes lately?" Puck asked casually.

"Yes, actually. I talked to Quinn about a week ago and 'Cedes the day you got here, why?"

Puck shrugged. "No reason in particular. Just curious. I heard from Matt the other day. So I'm sure you know that Quinn and Mike are dating now?"

Rachel stopped walking and sat down on a bench, her eyes on the skyscrapers of Central Park West. "I knew it was going to happen eventually. She's hinted around about liking him ever since they started hanging out on campus last year."

"Have you…have you told them about us?" Puck asked.

Rachel sighed and looked him. "Well, that's a pretty funny question. They know about what happened with us before we left for college but since then, I've pretty much kept it to myself. And I hate hiding it from them but it's…it's hard to explain."

Puck let out a small, deep laugh. "It's pretty simple if you ask me. We get together once a year for a day or more and fuck each other nearly to death."

Rachel scowled. _It's more than that… _She thought carefully, formulating her words. Finally, she just asked what she felt. "Is that all there is, Noah?"

Puck dropped onto the bench next to her, crossing his legs at the ankle and putting his arm behind her on the bench. "Damn, Rach… no, that's not all. But, like you said, it's hard to explain."

Nodding, Rachel slumped against him slightly. Puck's arm went around her shoulder and pulled her into the crook of his arm so that he could press a kiss to her forehead. "Besides, it's really nobody's business. It's just this…thing."

As inarticulate as he was, Rachel agreed. It was just a "thing." But she couldn't help but feel like it was a big thing…

* * *

Rachel stood stiff, her eyes darting as she studied the painting in front of her. She analyzed the strokes and the power in which the brush had been laid to the canvas, the coloring, and the way the light played with the shadow. A few feet away in that gallery at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, Puck stood, ignoring the hundreds of boring paintings scattered across the walls and instead, analyzing Rachel. His eyes slid up and down her long legs, over her ass encased in a pair of tiny shorts, and down to her Chuck Taylor-covered feet. Her hair cascaded down her back and her eyes were wide as she took in the painting in front of her. _She's so fucking beautiful and she doesn't even realize it, _Puck thought.

Puck stepped silently up to her, sliding his hand across her shoulders to cup her neck. With his mouth next to her ear, he quietly asked, "Do you have any clue how bad I'm dyin' to fuck you right now?" He felt her shudder under his touch and nearly groaned at the flush that rushed into his cheeks. She turned to face him, lips parted and eyes wide with a mixture of shock and lust.

"Noah, we—" Puck silenced her by putting his long index finger against her lips, which he then softly traced with the pad of his finger. Rachel continued to gaze at him, unblinking.

"Wanna get outta here?" he asked. Rachel nodded but didn't speak as Puck slung his arm around her shoulders and together, they ambled out of the chilly gallery and into the sunlight. Outside, Puck pulled Rachel against him, slipping his tongue into her mouth. She kissed him back breathlessly, looping her arms around his neck.

When she pulled away, she whispered, "Take me home."

Puck snickered and grabbed her hand as they headed down into the subway. Once they were seated, pressed together in the car, Puck's breath was hot in her ear. "As soon as we get back, Rach, I'm fucking you. I have to leave tomorrow and I'm not leaving your bedroom again until it's time to go."

Rachel's head lulled back, her mind whirring with the images of the many times they'd been together since he'd been in New York.

"Are Allie and Olivia going to be there?"

Rachel pulled herself from her haze. "No, I don't think so."

Puck exhaled. "Thank fuck. I can't wait to get you inside that apartment, screaming my name."

Breath caught in her throat, Rachel could only watch as Puck's hand settled on her thigh, his fingers massaging the flesh. Her eyes followed his hand as he discreetly adjusted himself and then told her in a low whisper, "So goddamn ready to fuck you, Rachel."

Rachel felt like she needed to scream. She was already wet and he was only making it worse. Relief flooded through her entire body when they finally arrived at her stop. Puck practically dragged her off the car, up the steps, and down the street to her building.

When he pulled her into the elevator, he thumbed the "15" and took Rachel's hand, settling it over his hard length. She cupped him through his pants, stroking her hand down his cock as he pushed the straps of her tanktop and bra down, his lips dragging down her neck and across her shoulder.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened, pulling Puck and Rachel out of their hazy world. Puck pushed Rachel down the hall, his fingers slipping inside her shorts to stroke her hip as she unlocked the door.

The apartment was empty and dark when they entered. Rachel closed the door and then turned toward Puck, pushing his shorts down and sucking the head of his cock into her mouth without touching him. Puck's head slammed back against the door and he grunted, pulling her off him.

"Not now, baby." Puck angled her head back and looked into her eyes. "If I'm not in you in five seconds, I'm gonna fucking explode."

Puck pulled Rachel's shirt over her head as she stripped her shorts and panties off. Picking her up, he pushed her against the door as he sheathed himself in a condom. And then he met her eyes, pushed her legs wide, and drove into her. Rachel grunted, the sound lewdly escaping the back of her throat. Her hands reached for the hem of his shirt and she pushed it up to slide her open palms over his skin.

"God, Rach," Puck groaned, pushing her higher to angle himself in deeper. "Why can I never fucking get enough of you?"

"Noah….oh _god, _right _there._" Rachel's eyes widened as his cock repeatedly and brutally rammed against her G-spot. Her thighs clenched around him. _There, Noah_, yes, ohh yes…" Puck watched her eyes roll back and her thighs lock and he shoved his lips against hers as he felt her let go, milking him until he went with her. Rachel turned to jelly in his arms and Puck gripped her tightly as he slid to the floor. He winced when he slid from her body and then pulled her onto his lap.

"Holy fuck," Puck said, his head back against the door as he worked to catch his breath.

"That was…" Rachel leaned her head against his chest. "That was…why was that so incredible?"

Puck's chest rumbled with laughter. "Because were good like that, babe. It's pretty simple, really."

Rachel trembled as her body still throbbed but she stood up anyway, offering her hand to Puck. He stood up and slipped his arm around her body. "Let's get to your room. All we need is for Allie or Olivia to come in right now."

Laughing, Rachel collected her clothes and Puck removed the condom, throwing it in the trash. Just as the bedroom door shut, the front door open and Allie stepped inside. Her nose wrinkled and she recognized the smell of sex in the room. Muttering under her breath, she went into Olivia's room and quietly closed the door.

* * *

Rachel fell asleep in Puck's arms after their second round (safely behind her bedroom door.) Late that evening, Puck slid out from under her and fished around the floor to find his boxers. Sliding them and then his shorts on, he slipped his shirt over his head and watched as Rachel rolled over on her side to face the wall, still deep in sleep. Quietly, he slipped through the door and padded into the bathroom to piss. Once he'd washed his hands and splashed water on his face, he walked back down the hall to the kitchen and pulled open the fridge. Rooting around, he grabbed two bottles of water and nudged the door closed with his knee. Turning around, he nearly ran into Allie.

"Oh, sorry, Al!" he said, fumbling with the bottles. Allie reached out and grabbed the bottle, handing it back to him. He grinned and tucked one of them under his arm.

"So you're leaving tomorrow?" she asked pleasantly.

Puck's eyes darkened as he answered. "Yeah. Gotta get back to school."

"She'll miss you, you know." Allie leaned against the counter, crossing her arms as she stared at Puck. She watched his face redden slightly and he shifted.

"I'll miss her, too."

"Noah…how do you feel about her?"

Puck's mouth opened and he stared at Allie. _Seriously? What business is it of yours? _"Rachel and I…it's complicated, Allie. We have history."

Allie snorted. "So I've been told, Noah. I know all about that. I'm just curious…do you love her? I think you love her."

Puck gawked and the water bottle slipped from his hand again. "L—love? Nah…we're nowhere near that, Al. She's..." He thought for a moment. "Rachel's a force, ya know? She's like this tornado or this bright supernova. You never know what she's gonna do but whatever she does, you'll probably be in awe."

"So…." Allie smiled at Puck. "That's _not _love?"

"It's…shit, Allie, it's… It's me and Rachel, okay? It makes sense to us and not to be an asshole but it's really our business and nobody elses."

Allie grinned and put her hands up in surrender. "I gotcha, Noah…I gotcha. Just sayin'… I don't know how you two handle this 'thing' that you have…. I'm not sure I could handle it."

"It just works for us, k?" Puck glanced around, clearly uncomfortable. "Look, Rachel's asleep and I'm going to go join her. See ya."

Allie watched Puck walk away, two water bottles in his hand and a frustrated look on his face. Chuckling, she grabbed a Diet Coke from the fridge and went back into the other room. She understood Rachel's attraction to him, yes. He was incredibly sexy and charming. She just wondered how long their arrangement could go on like it was without one of them, or both of them, getting hurt in the process.

...

Back inside the bedroom, Puck dropped the bottles on the desk and pulled his shirt off again. Pushing his shorts and boxers back off, he pulled back the covers and climbed into bed. Rachel was still asleep, curled against her body pillow. Puck's eyes roved over her body, appreciating the soft skin and the curve of her hip. He'd intended to let her sleep but knew that was out the window the moment she shifted and said his name softly in her sleep. Scooting against her, he dragged his fingertips along her spine and down to cup her behind, kneading the flesh in his hands.

Rachel slowly opened her eyes and stretched slightly, moving to roll toward him. Puck shook his head. "Nu uhh…stay right like you are."

Puck slid down so he was pressed fully against her and then lifted her thigh up and draped it over her hip, giving him full access to her core. His fingers dipped and teased until she was wet and then he was sliding inside her, his hand gripping her breast tightly as he pushed his hips against hers again and again. Curling into her, he whispered dirty things in her ear until she cried out loudly and pulsed around him. When Puck slumped on top of her again, Rachel grabbed his hand and held it tightly against her chest before lifting it and kissing him across the knuckles.

"I'm not ready for you to leave," she admitted softly, facing the wall so that she didn't look at him. She felt her tearing up and she didn't want him to see it.

"I'm not either, Rach. This always ends too fucking fast."

Rachel nodded, still facing the wall. Puck placed his hand on Rachel's shoulder and turned her toward him. She smiled, clearly embarrassed at the tears on her cheeks. Puck cocked his head, a small smile on his face before he bent and gently brushed his lips over hers for a barely-there kiss. Then, while twisting them quickly so that Rachel was on top of him and then swatting her on her ass, he said, "less crying…more fucking." Relieved when her tears turned to laughter, her dragged her head down to his and plunged his tongue into her mouth. They only had limited time left and he wasn't going to let her spend it being sad.

* * *

Rachel and Puck walked in silence to the elevator. His bag slung over his shoulder and his guitar case in his hand, he thumbed the "down" button and they waited for the elevator. Once inside, their trip to the ground floor was subdued.

When they got off the elevator, Rachel took his guitar from him and carried it to his truck. Again, they still didn't speak. Rachel wanted so much to say but she was afraid everything that came out of her mouth would only complicate things, so she pursed her lips and stayed silent. Puck loaded his bags into the front of the truck and then slammed the door, turning toward Rachel. He reached out and pulled her to him, his hand against the back of her head, as he hugged her silently. When they parted, she stretched to brush a soft kiss across his lips.

"Be safe, Noah," she said quietly.

Puck let out a nervous laugh. "I need some good luck getting out of this insane city. I don't know how you live here, Rach. Visiting, yeah…but day in and day out? It's fucking madness."

Rachel shrugged. "I'm just getting used to it, I suppose. It honestly feels like home."

The two stared at each other for a moment and then Puck pulled her to him. Wrapping his arms around her, he met her eyes and said, "Thanks for having me, Rach. It was…incredible."

"I'll miss you," she said honestly. "And you do know that ever single August, it seems to get a little bit harder to say goodbye, right?"

Puck sighed. "I know." He glanced away from her at the sound of a siren but then looked back down and met her wide, slightly wet, brown eyes. "I just don't know what the fuck to do about it."

Rachel reached up and kissed him again, winding her arms around his neck. "Neither do I," she admitted.

Puck crushed his lips to hers, their tongues mingling, before he abruptly pulled away. He dropped his arms from around her and jammed his hand through his hair. "I better go."

Rachel watched him walk around the truck and climb in, her heart heavy. Saying goodbye was so painful that their time together almost wasn't worth it. _Almost_.

The truck started up and Puck backed out of his space. He rolled the passenger side window down and said, "Rach…don't think that this shit is any less confusing for me than it is for you. I know I'm not good with words and all that bullshit but…I care, okay? I care a lot. And I need you to know that."

Rachel nodded, tears forming. "I care too, Noah. So much."

"Bye, babe," he said softly. Then he rolled the window up and with a final wave, he pulled out onto the street. Rachel watched him until the truck disappeared and then stood there for a moment longer, her heart pounding in her throat. Saying goodbye to him was so, so hard. If they weren't so far apart, she'd give anything to never hear him say goodbye again.

When she was alone and Puck was long gone, Rachel sighed and turned to head back inside. Now they had another year to wait and Rachel couldn't help but feel like everything was about to change.

* * *

**Next up**: Rachel gets her big break, Puck does a little growing emotionally, and those changes Rachel's worried about may start to happen.


	5. The Mess We Made

**Author's Note:** First of all, I apologize to all my readers for the huge delay in an update. I had 8k words of the original version of this chapter written and then the document got corrupted and I lost all of it but 1k words. And honestly, after that happened, I lost interest for a while and wrote a bazillion one-shots and worked on my original stuff instead. (And then there was some serious, _serious _family drama that derailed me for a couple of weeks, too.) But then I started thinking and discovered that the reason my muse was being so awful was because I wasn't happy with the progression of the story. As a result, I reworked the outline and my muse magically reappeared, hence this update.

Thanks to all my girls, too. You know who you are!

Onto the story (FINALLY!)

* * *

As he left New York City that day, a week after arriving on August 2nd, Puck had told Rachel that he'd cared about her. Realizing (or admitting to himself) what he knew all along to be true - that he had a "thing" for Rachel Berry - was almost a relief. Lying in her bed with her in that apartment in New York, everything seemed so simple. When they were together, the rest of the world could go fuck itself because they were the only two people on the planet that mattered. So telling her that he cared seemed like the first step to take, even if it wasn't a grand confession of undying devotion or anything. For him, even admitting _that _took a lot. Once he escaped from the Manhattan traffic (because seriously, how the _fuck _did anyone live there and not go completely fucking insane?) and could finally breathe again, his mind travelled back to the girl he'd just left. He was halfway back to his own school in Pennsylvania when the thought jumped in his brain and wouldn't leave: _why can't Rachel and I try to be together for real? _He knew that he meant just as much to her as she did to him, so why couldn't they try, at least? Sure, the long distance thing would suck but then, at least, they'd have an excuse to see other more frequently than for just a few stolen days each August. And they wouldn't have to pretend that they were just friends when it was pretty obvious, even to a relatively unobservant-borderline-dense guy like him, that there was more to it. However, the thought of saying the words, "hey Rach, you maybe wanna be my girlfriend for real?" scared the ever-loving fuck outta him.

He was a sex shark. Fuck, he was practically a sex god, right? So why did the idea of actually telling a chick that he wanted to be with her make him feel like a trembling 5-year-old? Just telling her that he cared had nearly made him shake right outta his shoes. Sure, he was never one to go for relationships and the few times he was previously stupid enough to try, they crashed and burned and left deep scars. But that was then, when he was a kid. And this was now. After all, he wasn't 16 years old anymore. And those girls weren't Rachel Berry. They didn't know him or understand him like she did. And they certainly never encouraged and supported him like she did. So yeah, a relationship with Rachel could actually work, maybe? He knew they had amazing sexual chemistry and a great friendship already, so it could work…right?

Now he just had to make sure his cohones were big enough to confess how he felt. The idea of laying his cards out on the table petrified him all the way to his marrow. But this was Rachel and she was worth it.

* * *

Rachel was still sleeping when her phone rang. Just a week and a half into the new school semester, she had adjusted her schedule for early-morning classes to give her as much time at the theater as possible. Tuesday was her only morning for sleeping in. Confused for a moment, she checked the clock and realized that it was too early for her alarm. Searching blindly through bleary eyes, her hand gripped her phone and she answered.

"Rachel! You'll never guess what just happened!" the voice on the other end of the phone asked her. Recognizing it as the voice of Jonas, another one of the understudies for _The Fantasticks_, Rachel sat up.

"What happened?"

"Carol quit this morning! She stormed into Dimitri's office and told him that if he wasn't going to leave his wife for her, she was done with the show. He must have told her to go fuck herself because she walked out. She's done!"

Rachel's mind whirred. Carol had the lead, the role Rachel understudied for. But with Carol gone?

"You're the new lead, Rachel!" Jonas yelled into the phone. "Get to the theater as soon as you can! Dimitri will probably be calling you in a few minutes so act surprised! And congratulations!"

Hanging up the phone, Rachel's face broke out into a stunned grin_. I'm going to be the lead!_

Just as Jonas had predicted, her phone rang a few minutes later and the director was on the other line. When she hung up the phone less than two minutes after she'd picked it up, it was official. Rachel was now the lead in the off-Broadway production of _The Fantasticks._

* * *

Three weeks later, tears were streaking down her face and she was slamming her phone down on the desk. She knew her fathers would be upset with her but she thought they'd at least understand. After all, they'd raised her to be a performer since she was basically three months old so they, more than anyone else, had to understand, right? But they hadn't. They were disappointed and expected her to fulfill her commitment to her education. Wiping a tear away angrily, Rachel dialed Noah's number.

Puck was in the campus gym lifting weights when his phone rang from his pocket. He dropped the weights on the floor and grabbed the phone, smiling when he saw Rachel's number. It had been a little over a month since they'd been together and since she'd taken over the lead role in _The Fantasticks_ the month before, Puck felt like he'd barely talked to her. Their conversations had been rushed and they'd had almost no time at all to relax and have a leisurely conversation, meaning Puck was still holding on to the very scary notion of spilling his guts to her about how he felt.

"Hey, babe, what's up?" he asked, a little breathless from the workout.

"Did I interrupt something, Noah?" Rachel asked timidly.

Puck chuckled. "Only a gym workout. But I was almost done anyway. What's up? And why do you sound like you're crying?"

"Because I am!" Rachel wailed into the phone so loudly that a few people in the gym stopped to look at him. Puck shrugged his shoulders and mouthed "women" to the guys standing nearby before bending down to grab his towel and his bag and head outside. Sitting down in the grass beneath a tree, Puck draped his free arm over his knee.

"So tell me what's wrong, Rach?"

"Dad and Daddy are furious with me!"

Puck furrowed his brow. "I find that hard to believe. You're the world's perfect daughter, minus the days you have freaky sex with me," Puck added, hoping to illicit a reaction out of Rachel.

She didn't respond and instead, sighed into the phone. "Well, I let them know this morning that, as the lead in the show, I'm finding it very, very hard to keep up with my studies. It was easy as the understudy because I had more free time but now I've got rehearsals and appearances and it's just…it's overwhelming."

"What are you getting at, Rachel?" Puck didn't like where this was headed.

Puck heard Rachel pause on the other end of the phone. "I'm withdrawing from school, Noah."

"What?" Puck stood up, shocked. "The _fuck_ you are, Rachel! You can't fucking drop out of college!"

"Noah!" Rachel shrieked. "You're acting like my fathers! I'm not dropping out. I'm merely postponing school until after this show closes. It's not the end of the world! People do it all the time!"

Yeah, people who aren't Rachel Berry do it, Rach. Shit," Puck ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "You and I both know that after this show, there will be another one and then another. And then you'll be on Broadway and you'll never go back."

Rachel exhaled in frustration. "So you're telling me that you don't support me, either? You were the one person I thought would support me going after my dreams."

"Dammit, Rachel. I'm always going to support you, you know that. I just hate to see you toss away two years of hard work. I'm not exactly the poster boy for good grades but I take this shit seriously. This is my future were talkin' about."

"Right," Rachel snapped, happy that he just made her point for her. "And my future is on the stage. I'd kindly like for you and for my fathers to realize and accept that." Rachel paused and then, frustration dripping from her voice," Look, Noah, I need to go. I'll talk to you later."

"Rachel, wait!" Puck called into the receiver but it was too late because Rachel had already hung up.

Puck stared at his phone long after the call ended. Of course he was happy for her. How could he not be? But still, dropping out of college was a huge deal. He'd thought about it at least once a week but kept on because he knew that it was the only thing that got him out of Lima and would keep him out of Lima.

Staring at his shoes, Puck pocketed his phone. He'd let Rachel cool off and he'd call her later. She'd be fine, he knew. She was just having one of her fits.

* * *

Rachel's new apartment, despite its nearly miniscule square footage and three flights of stairs just to reach the place, was spectacular. She couldn't afford much but it was _hers. _Her first apartment in New York City. Not a college apartment shared with other students but her very own. And paid for with the money she earned from being a stage actress. The thought was thrilling because it meant that she was going somewhere. New York City was huge and crowded but it was making room for Rachel Berry.

She'd been sad when she moved out of her dorm apartment. She and Allie had hugged and then hugged some more, making promises to have dinner together the very next night. She'd then said her goodbyes to Flora and Olivia, whom she would miss but not nearly as much as Allie, and made her way down to her waiting cab. She'd wiped away a few melancholy tears as the cab had departed from the curb because it was the end of an era. But standing in her very first apartment, she could only feel giddy.

So her dads were still furious with her and Noah's lack of support had stung but her dreams were finally coming true and _no one _could change that.

* * *

"Hey Rach, it's me. Call me." Puck hung up the phone and groaned. It's been a week since his argument with Rachel and she had yet to call him back. He'd left her a few messages and had even sent her an email but she hadn't taken the bait. He tried not to let it bother him because she was one of the most stubborn people he'd ever met. He knew it would take her a while to cool off. It always did when she got really angry. And he hated to be a pussy but he missed her when they didn't talk. Especially when he was still wanting to talk her, _really _talk to her, about "them."

…

"Fuck, Rachel…it's been a week and a half. Are you going to ignore me forever?"

…

"Okay, Berry, this is the last goddamn phone call. You don't call me this time, I'm not calling again." Hanging up the phone, Puck felt the blood rushing through his body. She was really ignoring him. It had been two weeks – two goddamn weeks – since he'd spoken to her and she had yet to even acknowledge that he was even still alive. It was getting fucking ridiculous and he was tired of it.

With a strong resolve, he pocketed his phone. That was his last call to Little Miss Broadway. It was her turn now.

* * *

Rachel woke up with a dull ache in her back on Tuesday. She groaned disapprovingly when she climbed out of bed and took a warm shower, hoping the water would soothe the ache deep inside her. But by 9am, the pain from her back had seemingly pushed through to her front, leaving her with incredible cramps and the start of some heavy bleeding. As she lay curled on her bed, she stared at the calendar on her phone, trying to remember the last time she'd had a period. When her eyes settled on the date that she was nearly positive her last period had started, she grew pale. It had been in late July, prior to Noah's coming to New York City. It was now September.

"Oh, no," she whispered to the empty room. Rolling onto her back, she closed her eyes and took short, shallow breaths through her nose. "I'll be okay. My period is just late due to stress. They're sometimes intense when they're late." Staring up at the ceiling, she added, "That's all it is."

Four hours later, though, after she'd bled through several of those uncomfortable, thick pads that she hated and had taken more Advil than was probably healthy, she called Allie. "Can you meet me at the hospital? I think something's wrong." Her voice caught in her throat, tears clogging the passageway. She couldn't remember being in so much pain.

"Yeah, okay! Be right there!" Allie practically yelled.

Rachel forced herself downstairs and hailed a cab. Clutching her abdomen, she cried the entire way there.

…

Rachel sat shivering in her hospital gown with Allie next to her, gripping her hand tightly. She'd had blood drawn, an ultrasound done, and now was just waiting for the doctor to return.

"Are you okay?" Allie asked softly, noticing that tears were clinging to Rachel's eyelashes again.

"I'm better since they gave me some pain medication… But I'm just so tired. And worried. It's just…" Her voice trailed off as she looked away, unwilling to say what was on her mind.

Allie patted Rachel on the shoulder before pulling her against her for a hug. "I'm sure everything is okay."

The girls sat in silence, listening to the noise coming from the other stalls in the emergency room, until finally, the door of her pod opened and the doctor stepped in, his eyes on the clipboard in his hands.

"Miss Berry, we have your results." He looked up at her with a face full of compassion. "You've definitely suffered a miscarriage. Do you have any idea how far along you were?"

Allie let out a quiet gasp and turned her head toward Rachel, who sat stoically, staring at the doctor. Finally, she nodded. "Probably around seven weeks or so…" She blinked twice and then swallowed, clearing her throat. "Am I okay?"

The doctor glanced at his clipboard quickly, his eyes skimming test results, and then met Rachel's sad, tired gaze. "Well, from the ultrasound, we can tell that your uterus is pretty much clean, meaning that your body expelled everything without us having to go in and do a D&C to remove any remaining tissue and prevent infection. However, you need to take it easy for a few days. I'm going to prescribe you some pain pills just in case and I need you to rest, okay?"

Rachel nodded, feeling slightly robotic, and stared down at her hands. _A miscarriage. I was pregnant. _Lifting her head, she met Allie's eyes and a tear slipped down her cheek. _Noah and I made a baby. _

The doctor's hand was extended with prescriptions but Rachel didn't respond. Instead, Allie reached out, snagging the papers from the doctor's hands, and smiled apologetically. The doctor turned to leave and then stopped and turned back. "You're free to go now, Rachel. The bleeding should begin to taper off but should it increase again, please return to the ER, okay?"

Rachel nodded and when he left, she let out a small sob. Allie's arms were wrapped around her in a moment and she held her tight, letting her friend sob.

"How long have you known you were pregnant?" Allie asked, stroking her hair.

Rachel shook her head. "I didn't. I've been so busy since taking over the lead role that…I didn't even realize until this morning that I missed my period in August."

"Noah?" Allie asked.

Rachel pushed Allie away and balked. "Of course!"

Allie put her hand on Rachel's arm in an attempt to soothe her. "I didn't mean anything by that, Rachel… you know that. It's just… you said you two were always careful."

Rachel thought back to Puck's previous visit and shook her head. "We were, normally. But the night before he left, we did have sex one time without using a condom. I didn't really think much about it at the time. My mind usually goes totally blank when he touches me and that night was just…" her voice faltered and she changed the subject from the intimate acts of their final night together. "I was too upset over the fact that he was leaving the next day to really even notice that we didn't use a condom."

Allie said nothing in response, just hugged Rachel again. When Rachel pulled away, she asked Allie to hand her the clothes lying in the chair. Mechanically, Rachel pulled her clothing back on and grabbed the papers. Calling the director quickly on her cell phone to ask that her understudy step in for a few days, Rachel let Allie lead her back to her apartment.

* * *

It took two days of sleeping and being fussed over by Allie for Rachel to begin to process what had just happened to her and, by extension, to Noah. She found herself pushing against the thoughts that kept creeping back into her brain. _Noah got me pregnant. I was pregnant. We could have had a baby. Twenty years old and almost a mother. _

The thought sent fear through her veins. A baby at her age was the last thing in the world she needed _or_ wanted. Her career was finally taking off. Had the pregnancy gone to term, she would have lost it all. Besides, she wanted a husband and a mortgage and her name up in big, bright lights before she finally decided to start a family.

_No, _she told herself, _it was definitely for the best. _

But then her thoughts would drift to Noah. As hard as it was going to be, he needed to know about the miscarriage. She couldn't help but think about the fact that he'd already been a father once in his life. How would this affect him?

And then her mind went to the other fact that was weighing down on her: their _whatever _relationship and the fact that, in her estimation, it absolutely could not continue. What had seemed like a frivolous foray into pure carnality with a man she trusted implicitly had led to the ER and to a miscarriage. It was like the reality of what they were doing – of what they'd been doing those past three summers – rushed in and hit her in the face. They weren't just playing with each other. No, they were playing with fire. So she didn't carry a baby to term this time…but what if she got pregnant again? No birth control method was foolproof. What if, next August, she wound up pregnant _again? _

No, it couldn't happen again. It _wouldn't _happen again. This whole thing had to end. She was making it in the theater now and it was time to grow up. Noah and their connection had begun in the final days of their childhood and they were both adults now. It was best to just let it go and move on with their lives.

She would just call him, tell him about the pregnancy and miscarriage, and cleanly, quickly end their sexual association. It wouldn't be too hard, right? She'd miss him, yes… but he never wanted more than what they shared each summer she rationalized that it couldn't go on forever. It would have to end sometime, anyway.

So she would make the call. It would be simple and painless.

But none of her reasoning or her attempts at convincing herself that all would be fine could remove the burn in her stomach when she thought about making that call. She was dreading it with every breath she took.

…

Her hands were shaking that Thursday when he picked up the phone on the third ring. "Noah, are you busy?" Rachel asked, her voice warbling slightly.

"Nah, not at all," Puck said, flopping down on his bed as relief flooded through him at hearing her voice again. "It's good to hear from you. Finally decided to stop being mad at me? I've…" he paused, collecting his words carefully, "I've missed you and need to talk to you about something."

_Be brave, Puckerman. Time to lay it all out on the line with her. Now that she's on the phone again it's time to tell her everything so that this 'not talking' bullshit doesn't happen again._

"Can I go first? I have something I _have_ to say."

The seriousness of her tone sent dread through Puck's body. "Uh…sure…."

He heard Rachel take a breath and then she spoke. "I…I was rushed to the hospital a few days ago, Noah."

He sat up on the bed, his heart suddenly beating faster at the idea of Rachel sick or injured. "Oh, fuck…what's wrong? Do I need to come to New York?"

Rachel shook her head. "No, no…I'm fine now. As it turns out…" she sighed heavily and began again. "As it turns out, I had a miscarriage."

Puck was stunned, unable to respond at first because his tongue was caught in his mouth like it was weighed down. _Miscarriage? She was pregnant? _

"What?"

He heard her laugh sadly on the other end of the phone. "I don't think I have to remind you that we had sex without a condom while you were here, right?"

Puck thought back to the night before he'd left when, after he'd had that conversation with Allie about his feelings for Rachel, he'd climbed back into bed and had taken her from behind with very little preamble and definitely without protection. "Oh yeah…_shit._" Puck paused, his mind spinning and his stomach suddenly feeling unsteady. "I knocked you up?"

"But my body rejected the pregnancy so thankfully, I miscarried."

_Thankfully? _"Thankfully?" The single word was like a bullet.

Rachel sighed heavily into the phone. "I can't have a baby now, Noah…especially not… Not with the circumstances like they are. We're 20 years old, for one, and two, you're still in college and three, I'm starting to really make it doing what I love…and it's just…" She sighed loudly, "It would be a disaster. And since it happened, I've been doing a lot of thinking and I think that we should…" She paused, closing her eyes to bolster herself as she completed the sentence she'd been dreading over any of the others. "I think we shouldn't see each other anymore in August… We're playing with fire and we got lucky this time, Noah…but maybe next time we won't be so lucky and I'm not ready to be a parent and frankly, neither are you."

Puck swallowed, his chest tight. "So…you're ending it?"

"I think it's for the best." Her voice was small.

Rage shot through him and he felt the need to lash out. "So…let me get this straight… All these years…all this—this bullshit means so little to you that you can just end it like this?" Even as he spoke, his head was spinning from anger.

"Noah, don't be angry, please?" Rachel pleaded, her voice now masked with tears. "You have to admit that…it wasn't going anywhere. It _couldn't _go anywhere. And I just…I just don't think we should let it happen anymore. I got _pregnant_, Noah. That forced me to stop and grasp that there are consequences, _serious _consequences, to what we've been doing every August. It isn't just a stupid little harmless fling. It has severe, detrimental consequences attached to it and it absolutely _cannot _happen again."

Puck sat silently, his blood racing through his veins. He'd been _so _close to telling her how he felt… so close to confessing that he wanted to be with her and to see if what they had for a few days each year was really as strong as he thought it was. And instead, she discounted everything they had and made him feel like a dipshit for thinking that they actually _had _something. In fact, she didn't want anything else to do with him.

"Noah?" Rachel asked, tears in her voice. "Are you there?"

Puck pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it. _Fuck her. Fuck her and her dreams and… just fuck her. _Hitting the "end" button, he hung up on Rachel and threw his phone across the room. Then, jamming his hands through his hair, he leaned back on his bed and stared at the ceiling. His chest felt like a weight was pressing down on him. He was suffocating.

He thought Rachel was different. She was the one person who he always thought would be there, long after everybody else walked away.

He was wrong. And that realization burned worse than the most acrid, bitter swill he'd ever tasted.

Across the room, he heard the phone ring again. Pushing off the bed, he grabbed it, his body full of fury. Answering it, he snarled, "Fuck off, Rachel," and ended the call before she could say a word. She didn't want him? _Fine_. He was used to people walking away. And he fucking _knew _he shouldn't have let himself fall for her. But if she was done with him than okay, he would be done with her. Before the phone could ring again, he grabbed his keys and darted from the room.

Rachel stared at her shaking hands as she dropped onto the couch. Tears spilled down her cheeks and she didn't try to even stifle the sobs. She knew it was the right thing to do but why did she feel like a part of her just died? First he'd hung up on her and then he'd said those hateful, horrible words.

"Noah." She whispered his name and her hand slid to cradle her belly…where his child would be growing had she not lost it. Giving into the tears that felt like they were coming from deep, way deep inside her, she let herself cry. She knew she'd done the right thing… She knew they couldn't keep doing what they were doing. It had to end eventually, didn't it? It was just a summer fling, right? Just a thing they did every summer…that's all. Laying her phone on the table, Rachel curled into a ball on her side on the couch and stared off across her apartment, her eyes unseeing. _I wonder what it was that he had to tell me? _She thought. She was tempted to call him again but she knew he wouldn't answer.

_Did I do the right thing? _

Lying in her apartment that afternoon, she suddenly wasn't so sure.

* * *

Once Rachel felt sufficiently strong enough, she threw herself into her performances. She pushed herself so much and so hard that by the time she made it home each evening, she was practically dead on her feet. She'd strip off her clothes and fall into bed, her sleep nearly dreamless. But her hard work was paying off and attendance at the theater for _The Fantasticks _continued to increase with her in the lead role. The press was even starting to take more notice and favorable reviews were beginning to be published. Rachel was ecstatic that her performances were so well-received. It made her feel like everything she'd endured had been worth it because she was starting to make it, _really_ make it, in the business. A Broadway role was just around the corner, she knew.

This success gave her comfort. It _did_. But she still found herself missing Noah. She'd still have moments when she stared at his name in her address book (because she refused to delete it) and think about calling him to see how he was doing. She had Allie's support while she dealt with the miscarriage and, although she knew it wasn't exactly the same, she was sure that Noah suffered and mourned the loss a little bit, too. She remembered how willing he'd been to be a father at 16 and how devastated he'd been to let his daughter go and she knew that it wasn't something he took lightly.

One night, before she allowed herself to melt into her covers and quickly fall asleep, she pulled a photo of him out and stared at it. Her middle finger traced along the tiny image of his jaw and her eyes filled with tears. She missed his laugh and the fact that she could practically hear him rolling his eyes at her over the phone. She desperately missed the listening ear he'd always provided. No one would call her on her ridiculousness quite the way he always did. She missed the way he said her name and she refused to even think about the way he felt when he held her and touched her. Those memories were far too painful to relive. As she stared at the tiny version of him in her hands, she recognized that in reality, she just missed _him. _

…

Booze and women were Puck's prescription for dealing with the bullshit in his life. As the weeks and then a month or so passed since Rachel had tossed him aside, he'd found steady comfort in weekends filled with lots of alcohol and the amazing number of hot, willing women on campus that he had previously been ignoring because of the whole "Rachel thing." He'd always been good at compartmentalizing and pushing aside memories of those people who didn't need him anymore. Rachel was no different.

Sure, he'd have moments where he had the urge to call her and check in, maybe see how she was doing since she had experienced something as traumatic as a miscarriage. But those soft moments were fleeting because then his jaw would harden and he would remember, again, that she'd made her decision to lead a life that didn't include him in any capacity. It was then that he found comfort in Jack Daniels and Molly or Stephanie or Susanna or Jessica or Francesca or any other of the women he paraded into his life long enough to warm his bed and wet his cock. After a while, he was able to almost forget about _her _completely.

He hated those weak moments, often when he first woke up in the morning, that he let his thoughts meander her way. He'd think about the good stuff – the laughter and the friendship and the mind-blowing sex – and then inevitably, he'd think about the bad stuff. And then he'd roll over, force his eyes closed again, and try to figure out how to get a little bit of closure and forget about the Rachel Berry bullshit forever.

* * *

It was mid-November when Rachel began to think she was starting to lose it. She'd just given another flawless performance at the Saturday afternoon matinee and was standing on the stage, bowing with the rest of her cast mates. Her eyes scanned the audience and she smiled at those people she could see through the glare of the spotlights when her eyes grazed over a pair of hazel eyes that looked familiar before she moved on to some unknown blue ones. Realizing what she'd just seen, she frantically searched the audience again to find those haunting yet wonderfully familiar eyes but they were gone. Her heart clenched tightly in her chest but she pushed forward, her smile as bright as the spotlight baking down on her. When she finally walked off the stage and changed out of her costume, she was completely shaken.

_I'm seeing Noah now when he's nowhere around. _

It bothered her all the way back to her apartment and continued to eat at her through the evening performance as well. She scanned the audience with heavy scrutiny during that night's bow but couldn't find anyone who registered in her mind or in her heart. Resigned to the fact that she was just missing his presence in her life, she let it go.

…

He wasn't sure why he did it. He had a huge exam on Monday and it was the weekend before Thanksgiving but instead of studying or partying or doing those normal things that he usually did on campus, he found himself sitting in a theater in New York City. He sat near the front and sunk down in the seat, thankful that the stage lights were bright enough for him to be impossible to detect.

He'd come, he supposed, because he really did need closure. He had no intention of talking to her or even letting her see that he was there. Maybe he just needed to see that she was okay because of the whole miscarriage thing. Or perhaps he hoped that she'd look as miserable as he sometimes let himself feel for a few weak, passing seconds.

But what he saw instead of sadness or grief was Rachel, completely and totally in her element. She was gorgeous and incredible up on that stage. She held the attention of everyone in the theater and when she sang, she owned the entire building. It was only then that he realized that she was fine. She didn't need him. She definitely didn't miss him. She was exactly where she belonged and she looked happier than he'd ever seen her. So as she was standing in the middle of the stage, taking her bows, he met her eyes for a tiny iota of time that didn't last more than a few nanoseconds. And then he slipped from his seat and out of the theater. Seven hours later, he was back on campus.

Seeing her as happy as she was gave him all the closure he would ever get. But the funny thing was, it still didn't feel totally closed and he didn't know how the hell to make what was left – the pain of being _not enough_ – go away for good. Maybe only time would help.

* * *

Rachel's hands shook as she pushed the door open and stepped inside the house. She felt so nauseated that she stopped and took a deep breath. The likelihood that Noah would even be at the party was slim and she would only make a brief appearance before heading home.

"Rachel!"

Hearing her name, she turned and met Quinn's eyes. The girls hugged tightly and were soon joined by Mercedes, who had a bottle of water in her hand.

"Any alcohol in there?" Quinn joked, her index finger flicking out to tap the bottle, knowing her friend only too well.

"Girl, _please_. We both know I only come to these things for the men!"

Rachel and the two girls caught up for a few moments and she allowed herself to fill them on every aspect of her life except for the very personal and traumatic events of a few months ago. As much as she'd love to talk to the closest friends she had besides Allie, the idea of sharing something as intimate as what happened with Noah just seemed too much. So she kept her mouth shut about it and, instead, rambled on about her life on the stage.

She was finally beginning to relax, almost sure that Puck was nowhere in the vicinity of the party, when she spotted the back of his head a mere three feet away and stopped moving. Looking around, she tried to spot a safe haven but found nothing but a room full of people and no obvious escape route.

_Please don't turn around. Please don't turn around. God, please don't turn around!_

"Hey, Rachel!" Brittany said loudly. Rachel's mouth opened and as it did, she saw Puck swivel in her direction. Their eyes met briefly and Rachel was sure she saw anger and pain and hurt flash into them quickly before he blinked and it was gone.

"Noah, I—" Rachel began. Puck turned and walked away from her, leaving her words to trail off. She watched him go before her vision went blurry from the tears in her eyes. "Noah," she whispered.

She heard the front door open and turned in time to see him disappear through it. Quinn stared at her curiously and watched as a tear rolled down Rachel's cheek. Wrapping her arm around her friend, she said, "I think you haven't told me everything."

Rachel shook her head and Quinn guided her through the kitchen and out into the snowy backyard so that they could talk privately.

In front of the house, Puck stood on the sidewalk, staring up at the building he'd just exited. She was just inside. All he had to do was talk to her. It would be so easy to just hear what she'd been trying to say before he left… but he was done with her. She'd made her decision months ago.

With a last glance toward the house, he hopped into his truck. Rachel was part of his past. She'd been happy that she'd lost his baby and didn't want to be with him so what was there to even talk about? How he'd felt about her didn't matter then, it didn't matter last month when he went to see her perform, and it sure as fuck didn't matter now. Starting the truck, he drove away quickly to put some distance between himself and the girl that didn't want him.

* * *

Rachel headed back to New York City as soon as possible. After Puck had made it blatantly clear that he wanted nothing to do with her, she felt too restless to stay any longer. Telling her fathers that she didn't want her understudy getting too comfortable, she bumped her flight up two days and headed back to the city and away from memories. The problem was, she discovered, that she had memories of Noah in New York, too. At the MoMA, on the subway, walking down Broadway – he was impossible to escape. As soon as she'd seen him at that party, she knew she just wanted to talk to him and maybe seek his forgiveness. She'd even hoped, for the briefest of moments, that they could at least _try _to be friends again. Even as she thought it, though, she knew it was stupid. There was too much history – and the loss of a baby – between them and they could never be friends. That realization hit her in the stomach just as the cold New York weather sucked the air from her lungs and her eyes stung with tears. She hoped that he could forgive her and that someday, he would think of her as fondly as she thought of him.

…

Puck didn't feel like he could breathe again until he was back in Pennsylvania. The rest of the holiday break had been miserable. He'd heard from Mike that Rachel had gone back to New York the day after the party and that was fine with him. He didn't want to be anywhere near her. But it seemed like everywhere he went in Lima was laced with memories that involved her. In the months since they'd talked, he'd been working hard to let go of his feelings for her. Most of the time, he did okay. He'd gotten a new rotation of hot girls in his life and wasn't suffering in the sex department. None of the girls were after a relationship and when he was busy with school, they always gave him the space he needed. So for the most part, he was okay. But seeing Rachel again and remembering the times they'd been together, and specifically the night she got pregnant, brought the raw emotion of being abandoned by her flooding back. And it fucking sucked.

But it was a new year and he was all about starting over. Rachel was seven hours away again and he was going to take care to make sure their paths didn't cross. There would be no more stupid, impulsive trips to New York City, that was for damn sure.

His New Year's resolution to put Rachel Berry firmly in the past and out of his mind for good, Puck vowed to focus on school. He had to prove to everyone else (and maybe to himself, too) that he could make something of his life. Rachel or no Rachel, he would be fine.

* * *

**Next up**: The second half of the year. (And I promise that there will not be nearly the delay that there has been!)


	6. Unavoidable

The old adage is that "time heals all wounds." Rachel had heard it a million times and always, before she had any serious wounds of her own to heal, believed it to be true. But back in New York City in mid-February, two months after the uncomfortable encounter with Puck at the party back in Lima, Rachel was sure her wounds were still as raw as they had been in September when everything happened.

She kept telling herself that she was getting better but in reality, she wasn't so sure. She needed to talk to the _one_ person who would understand better than anyone else and about the _one_ topic that was never discussed.

Quinn was in her dorm room studying when Rachel called. "Have you talked to Puck?" she asked, nearly as soon as she answered.

Quinn's simple inquiry made Rachel chew on her lower lip and exhale through her nose. "No, I haven't. He doesn't want to talk to me. I think he made that abundantly clear back in December."

"You could always call him, you know."

"I don't think that's a good idea," Rachel said honestly. She paused and then said, "Quinn, can we talk about something? I mean, I know you never talk about it at all but… as sad as this may seem, it's a topic you and I have in common now."

Rachel heard Quinn let out a small noise and then pause for a second before answering, already sure of what her friend wanted to discuss. "I never talk about the baby, Rachel. It's just… it's just easier that way."

Rachel felt tears spring to her eyes and she nodded into her empty apartment. "I know that, Quinn… I guess I don't process things the same way you do because I _need _to talk about our baby and you're the _only _other person that I really can relate to about this." She let out a sad laugh and added, "We're in the 'Noah Puckerman got me pregnant' club together."

Quinn snorted and said, "That's really sad, Rachel…but yeah… Okay, fine… what do you want to know?"

"Well," Rachel began. "I know our situations are different because you gave birth and gave her up but, in a sense, you still lost the baby. How did you cope?"

Quinn thought for a moment. "Honestly? I didn't cope well. I pushed Beth from my mind nearly as soon as she was gone. It was easier to just not think about her. But seeing Puck every day brought her back more than I liked. I finally just accepted that it was part of my past and I buried it. I don't really think I dealt with it. But now, so much time has passed that I can at least think about it now. I'm sad that we couldn't keep her but we…we just couldn't."

Rachel let a tear slip from her eyes as she thought about her own situation. "I didn't really even think, when Noah and I were spending our time together, that something like that would happen. It honestly didn't cross my mind. And I know I hurt him when I told him about the baby and then ended things… but at the time, I think it was the only way I could deal with it."

Quinn hesitated on the other end of the phone and then asked, "And now, Rachel?"

"And now, I have to try and get past it all. He and I… we had these incredible experiences together but… it couldn't last, right? What kind of relationship survives when you just see someone once a year?"

"You could have tried to make it work," Quinn offered, finally speaking her mind about the subject. "I know that you have feelings for him, Rachel. I _know _you do. I've known since that first August you two were together. It was obvious. And I don't think you're over him."

More tears trickled from Rachel's eyes and she gripped the phone. "I'm not… I still think about him more than I should. And it's stupid but I sometimes catch myself, usually when I see a woman pushing a baby stroller or something… I catch myself wondering what it would have been like had I not lost the baby…had I found out that I was pregnant and told Noah. Would he have been there for me?"

Quinn interjected. "Absolutely, Rachel. That's the one thing I know… and you know it, too. I pushed him away so much when I was pregnant but he wanted to be there from the very beginning. He would have been there for you."

Rachel let out a choked cry and said, "But how can I be both relieved that I lost the baby and saddened by it at the same time? I'm so conflicted, even five months later. And it's so ridiculous but I feel like I _mourn _that baby… how is that possible? I didn't even know it existed until it was too late."

"Rachel, you and Puck created a life together. You lost it… that doesn't change the fact that, for a while, it was very real and living inside you. You lost a part of yourself _and_ him when you miscarried. It's _normal _to feel that way. My sister had a miscarriage and she was devastated. The situation was very different, of course, because she and her husband were actively trying for a baby but she was still heartbroken. It's okay to be sad that the baby's gone…even if you weren't sure you wanted it in the first place."

Rachel wiped a tear away and gulped to try and steady her voice. "I just want the pain of it all to go away. I need to move on and let Noah go. We were…" she glanced toward her window and watched as someone in the apartment across the street shook out a rug into the cold February air. "We were clinging to the past but… the August thing _had_ to stop. It had to. I just wish I could talk to him again…to make sure he's okay."

Quinn laughed sadly on the other end of the phone. "Who are you trying to convince that _that _is the only reason you want to talk to him, Rachel? Me or yourself? As far as I'm concerned, you're in love with him and you have been for years. You're not going to feel any better until you either tell him how you feel or accept the choices that _you _made. I'm not trying to be a bitch here and I say this out of love but _you're _the one that told him it was over. I don't think Puck was ready for that. I think you hurt him more than he's ever willing to admit."

Tears began to drip again and Rachel stood up angrily. "I thought I was doing the right thing!"

Quinn's voice was soothing. "Fine…then you have to accept the reality of the situation and understand that he doesn't _want _to talk to you. You made your choice and he's made his in response."

"And so I need to move on," Rachel finished for Quinn.

"Exactly. Maybe see a therapist because hell, you're in New York and _everybody _has a therapist in New York… but talk to someone about the miscarriage and then try to move forward."

Rachel closed her eyes and wiped more tears away. "You're right, Quinn…you are."

"I know," Quinn said sweetly. And then she asked softly, "So you do love him?"

Laughing bitterly, Rachel answered. "Yes… for years now. And falling out of love is a lot harder than I thought it would be."

"It's because you're not ready yet. And if you're not ready, maybe don't do it yet. You don't have to let those memories go before you're ready. You guys shared a lot." Quinn's voice quickened and she added, "I guess I better go. We're running out to grab some food before my afternoon class."

"Okay," Rachel agreed. "But thanks, Quinn."

"No problem…I'm always here. I know you're confused right now and I wish I could help more than I have."

The two girls hung up and Rachel sat back down, her eyes drawn back to the bright daylight outside. She had no idea how to move forward.

* * *

Puck saw the flier for summer internships hanging in the main hall of the music school in mid-March. Snagging a copy of the yellow-hued paper, he studied it carefully. He was really interested in a career in the music industry. Yeah, he loved to play and sing but even he knew that he would need a _real _job in the industry to pay all his bills and shit and let him play on the weekends, maybe at clubs or with a band.

Because he'd been throwing himself into school since it started back in January, he thought _what the hell_ and boldly walked up to the sponsoring professor and asked for an application. He filled it out on the spot, handed it back to the professor with a smirk, and went and met Darcy (the chick loved to swallow) for a drink.

A summer internship meant he didn't have to go back to Lima and spend two and a half months hating his fucking life by being back in that godforsaken little town that did no one any good. So a summer internship, maybe out in LA or in Nashville, sounded like the perfect plan to him.

* * *

His name was Landon Williams and he was exceptionally cute. With wavy blond hair and blue eyes, he looked younger than his 27 years. Rachel's cast mate, Jonas, had been prodding her for two months to _please _go out with the roommate of his that never, ever shut up about the "hot lead of _The Fantasticks_" so finally, Rachel agreed.

And as far as blind dates go, it went well. He was charming and funny and, because he worked in the industry himself, he knew a lot of the same people Rachel did, which made for easy conversation. They went to dinner at an expensive restaurant and then he insisted on taking her on a clichéd carriage ride in Central Park. When he noticed the cool April air causing goose bumps along Rachel's arms, he tucked the blanket around her (despite her protests that it was probably laden with deadly germs and could end up making them both ill) and held her hand, warming it in his own.

As far as blind dates go, Landon was amazing. Rachel let him chastely kiss her at the end of the night and before he could ask to come up to her apartment, she bade him good night. It felt good to get out and enjoy the city, honestly. Since she'd taken over the role and then had the miscarriage, she hadn't been doing much _living. _"Just existing" had been her mantra for far too long.

Afraid that she was going to live in the past forever, she agreed to a second date when Landon called her again a few days later. She told herself, as she hung up the phone with a grin on her face, that it was a start.

Her new therapist (whose name was Morgan and Rachel met with her on Tuesday mornings) would be so proud.

* * *

Puck got notice in April that he had been chosen for an internship. Nearly ecstatic, he rushed to the coordinator's office and waited his turn to see the elderly professor.

He sat down, a grin still on his face, as the man explained that Puck would be interning with a very small record label, working in the area of music production. The smile slipped from his face, though, when the professor handed him a slip of paper and said, "You'll be staying in this furnished apartment in New York City. You need to be there on June 2nd and the assignment will last until August 11th. It's a paid internship… not much money, of course, but it's better than some of the assignments your classmate are getting."

Noticing the scowl on Puck's face, the professor asked, "Is there a problem?"

Puck glanced up from the address (_New York, New York…you've got to be fucking kidding me)_ and shook his head. "Not at all, sir. Thank you very much for the opportunity."

When Puck excused himself, he stuffed the paper inside his jeans and stalked back to his dorm room. Two months in the same goddamn city as the _one _person he never wanted to see again.

_Perfect._

_Just fucking perfect._

* * *

"So you met _who_, Rachel?" Quinn asked right after she had conferenced in Mercedes.

Rachel stood outside her theater, nearly giddy, and practically shouted, "I met Taye Diggs _and _Idina Menzel. I literally think I almost died. Landon knows the both of them and they were at this Broadway press event…and…" Rachel took a breath before she bellowed, "And Taye kissed my hand!"

"I hate you so freakin' much right now," Mercedes complained.

"And then Idina said that she loved _The Fantasticks _and that she had heard from a friend how well the off-Broadway version was doing and perhaps she'd come to see my show. Can you _believe_ it? Idina Menzel may see _my _show! And then, right as we're leaving, do you know who walked right past me? Do you have _any _idea?"

"Who?" Quinn and Mercedes questioned at the same time.

"Jonathan Groff!" Rachel screamed into the phone. "I love my life," she added happily.

Quinn laughed and said, "I'm not really even sure who he is, Rachel, but I'll take your word for it that it was a good thing."

Rachel scoffed, made some comment about him being a Broadway legend, and then smiled. "Well girls, I have to get inside. I'll talk to you later!"

"Love ya, Rach," Quinn said before Rachel excused herself.

After Rachel was off the call, Quinn and Mercedes stayed on the line.

"D'you think we should have told her?" posed Mercedes.

Quinn laughed. "When she's doing so much better? No way. Besides, Puck's only going to be in New York for two months and she's still stubborn and won't call him because she said she knew he wouldn't talk to her. She's finally healing emotionally."

Mercedes sighed. "You're right. I just hate keeping it from her. I still feel like... they could work it out, ya know?"

"I look at it this way," Quinn said. "If Puck wants to see her, he knows where to find her. He'll look her up."

"You're right, you're right," Mercedes admitted. "Still…I can't believe she met Taye Diggs!"

* * *

Puck acknowledged, within just a few days of arriving and starting his internship, that working for a real record label was intense. Futura Records was brand new and only had three signed clients, two of which were going nowhere fast. But their shining star, a sixteen year old girl named Fleur, with a booming, powerful voice and father/manager that exploited her sex appeal, was quickly putting Futura on the map. Puck's "internship" in music production, he learned, consisted of two main items: keep the producers in coffee and food. He felt like an errand boy and within just a few weeks of being there, he was pretty sure he knew all the ins and outs of the best takeout places in the meat packing district, where Futura's offices were located.

When he got off work, he found himself wandering the city, sightseeing by himself. He spent his evenings and weekends in one of the thousands of clubs available and even entertained himself with a few sexy girls who had given him the eye.

But mostly, he worked, slept, ate, and wondered what a certain brown-eyed girl he used to know was doing. She wasn't too far away, he was sure. And he'd even found himself outside her theater again on a Saturday. The matinee performance was going on so he knew there was no chance in encountering her. As quickly as he'd arrived in front of the building, he left again. Later that night, he would escort another brown-eyed girl back to his apartment but ended up sending her packing before things got too far. He'd hoped that New York was large enough for the both of them but he had to admit, six weeks into his assignment, that even the largest city in the country was still too small.

* * *

The crowd inside the small club was so thick that Rachel's mind automatically wandered to questions of whether the fire code was being violated. She gripped Landon's hand tightly as he led her through the wall-to-wall crowd toward the bar.

Rachel was on sensory overload. The low-lit club's dark black walls were lit from spotlights on the floor, shooting pale yellows, greens, and blues up towards the ceiling. Music thumped from the speakers next to the DJ booth and the sound of voices reminded her of the buzzing of summer bugs back home.

"Let's get a drink and then I'll do my interviews and then, I promise we can leave and I'll talk to you to dinner, okay?" Landon told her, or rather yelled to her, as they approached the bar.

Rachel nodded, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, and sat down on the edge of the stool. Landon ordered her seltzer water with lime and then tossed back a shot of bourbon while he looked at the crowd.

"What exactly is going on tonight, again?" Landon had told her once already the purpose of their foray into a New York nightclub but she'd been doing vocal warm-ups at the time and as expected, wasn't exactly focused on anything other than that and had, therefore, not heard a word he said.

"Tiny record label here in town struck gold with their latest singer. This is her CD launch party."

Rachel smiled and shrugged. Landon's job as a culture reporter for the _Times _kept him finely tuned to the changing music scene in New York City. While Rachel preferred to stick with her safe, much calmer theater crowd, the few months she'd been seeing Landon casually had exposed her to other parts of the New York scene. While events like these made her uncomfortable, she knew they were part of what made this city so special.

"There's Malcolm," Landon said into Rachel's ear, pointing across the room. Her eyes scanned for the person Landon was referring to but all she saw was a sea of people. "He's the album's producer. I'll go talk to him, get a few questions asked, and then we'll be outta here, okay?" Landon squeezed Rachel's arm affectionately and then pushed away from the bar. Rachel swiveled back toward her drink and took another sip.

"Can I have a Coke?"

Rachel's head jerked up and she turned toward the person who had taken over Landon's spot at the bar. _Noah. _

Rachel let out a shocked squeak but over the roar of the crowd, he didn't hear her. She watched as he took the glass from the bartender, nodded his thanks, and then took a sip. He looked good. He looked _so good. _He was wearing a dark blue button-up shirt and some expensive-looking jeans. His hair had grown out slightly and he just looked… _wonderful. _Her fingers itched to reach out and touch his arm, to make her presence known. She missed him so much and normally, it was easy to push her feelings away. But now he was here…and it had been such a _long time_ since she'd been so close to him.

While he was drinking, his eyes scanned the crowd and that's when his gaze locked on her.

She watched as he pulled the cup away from his lips and swallowed, his eyes never leaving hers. "Rachel." His voice was quiet and nearly monotone, completely devoid of surprise or shock to see her.

Stunned, Rachel stared at him for a moment before composing herself enough to speak. "Noah…hello. What are you doing here?" Her heart thudded in her chest, the room suddenly feeling like it was closing in on her.

"Internship this summer," he answered quietly, taking another long drink from his glass. His eyes stared out into the crowd and she could tell that he was uncomfortable being around her. It made her throat ache with constriction.

"Really? How long have you been in the city?"

"Since June," he answered quickly.

_June? Two months he's been here…right under my nose. For two entire months. _Rachel forced a smile on her face and asked him, "Do you like it? Learning anything valuable?"

"Yup."

Rachel waited for a few seconds, hoping he would elaborate before she accepted that she would have to drag every answer from him. And as much as it hurt, she couldn't blame him.

Puck took the last swig from his glass and turned briskly, dropping it down on the bar. He glanced back at Rachel, his eyes landing on her forehead, before he looked away. "See ya 'round, Rachel," he said. And then he was gone. Rachel watched his back disappear rapidly into the crowd until he was lost in it.

Her eyes swam with unshed tears and she felt nauseated. Her eyes scanned for Landon in near panic. She had to get out of there. She _had _to get away. When she found him, she dashed toward him.

"Landon, I need to leave. I'm not feeling well."

He held up a finger to the person he was talking to, silently asking them to give him a minute, and then turned toward Rachel. "Are you okay? You want me to take you home?"

Rachel shook her head vigorously. "No, finish your interviews. I'll catch a cab home and get to bed. I'll just call you sometime tomorrow, okay?"

Landon nodded, pulling Rachel close for a kiss. She turned her face away and it dropped wetly against her cheek. Smiling meekly, she detached from him and headed toward then entrance.

When she stepped out into the night, she took a deep, cleansing breath and let her ears adjust to the quieter surroundings. Her eyes darted around, hoping for a sign of Puck but there was none. He was gone.

She hailed a cab quickly and as soon as she was inside, she yanked out her cell phone and dialed. When the person on the other end picked up, she said, "He's in New York. He's been here for two months. Can you find out where he's staying for me? _Please?_"

Rachel nodded as she listened and then said, "Yes, Quinn, please… I have to talk to him. I need to apologize and tell him that I was stupid and that I overreacted. Call whomever you need to call…just get me his address."

Hanging up her phone quickly, Rachel stared out the window at the late-night New York City traffic. Biting her lip, she let a tear slide down her cheek.

_I'm going to tell him everything. Exactly how I felt then…how I still feel. I know I can't fix things but at least I can apologize to him and make him understand that I didn't mean to hurt him. _

Staring down at the dark screen of her phone, she implored it to ring with news from Quinn. When it didn't, she took a shallow, raspy breath and resumed staring out the window. It would all be okay. It had to be.

…

As soon as his Coke was gone, Puck bolted from the party and wandered down the street. He hadn't expected to see Rachel, that was for sure. He'd made it through almost two months in the city without a single bit of contact or crossing paths only to have it all go to hell a little more than two weeks before he was supposed to leave to go back to school.

And as he walked down the block and across the street, the approaching date not lost on him. It was July 31st and August 2nd was right around the corner. The last thing he needed was to be anywhere around Rachel right now. He didn't need memories of their last three Augusts clouding his judgment or making him miss her worse than he already did.

As a cab approached, he stuck out his hand and then whistled with his other. When it slowed down to a stop, he climbed in and barked out the name of another club. He would spend his night lost in New York. And if he could avoid her for two more weeks, he could get back to school unscathed and _never _come back to New York City again.

…

Rachel was changing out of her dress and heels and into a pair of yoga pants and a tee shirt when the phone rang. She grabbed it, saw Quinn's name on the screen, and sighed with relief.

"Did you find out?" she asked, not even bothering to say hello.

"I did. I called Matt, who called Finn, who had the information, so then Matt called me back." Quinn rattled off Puck's address and Rachel effused an "I owe you more than you'll ever know" before hanging up.

She darted into the bathroom to wipe the heavy make-up from her face, pulled her hair into a ponytail, and then slipped on a pair of running shoes. Checking her appearance one last time, she threw her phone into her purse and bolted into the hallway, locking the door behind her. She was tired of reliving their past and regretting what had happened. If she had a chance to fix things, she was going for it.

…

As it turns out, Noah didn't live too far from her. It only took 12 minutes and 37 seconds via cab (she counted) to get from her building to his. She tossed some money towards the driver and slid from the seat. The cab pulled away from the curb, leaving her standing on the sidewalk to look up at the building. It was a simple brick building with no identifying markers.

Her nerves skittering with excitement and trepidation, Rachel pulled open the door to the building and tracked up the four flights of stairs to apartment 402, right next to the stairwell.

When she raised her hand to knock, she realized that she was shaking. She closed her eyes quickly, stood ramrod straight, and knocked on the door.

And waited.

And knocked again.

When there was no answer, she leaned forward, her head against the door, and sighed as her heart plummeted into her chest.

_He's not home. I can't believe that he's not home._

Rachel didn't know what to do. Did she leave and come back later?

She shook her head at herself. _No. I know where he is and I'm not leaving until I see him. _

Dropping down onto the first step, Rachel leaned against the wall. She was going to wait.

…

Puck tromped up the stairs a little after 2am. He was slightly tipsy but not enough to be considered anywhere near drunk. If anything, his senses were just slightly dulled thanks to the buzz. And that was fine with him after the shitty night he'd had.

As he rounded the last bend in the stairwell, he nearly tripped over his feet.

Rachel Berry was sitting on the top step, right below his apartment door, fast asleep. _Fuck._

He looked behind him, the urge to bolt back the way he'd come more than a little overwhelming. But she looked so small and uncomfortable, her head propped up against the grungy wall beneath the banister, that he felt compassion for her. Besides, there was a reason she was waiting outside his apartment and he was compelled to find out what she wanted.

Climbing the last few steps, he stopped directly in front of her and nudged her shoe with his. She stirred slightly but didn't open her eyes so he kicked it a little harder.

Her lids fluttered open and her eyes immediately widened when she realized that he was standing there. "Noah!" She looked around and then, embarrassed, ran her hands over her hair in an attempt to fix whatever damage sleeping against a wall had done to it.

Puck crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, staring down at her. "What are you doing here, Rachel?"

She looked up at him and then quickly grabbed the banister to pull herself up. She was standing a few steps above him and looked down on him. He looked tired and worried.

"I was so shocked to see you tonight... and it brought back all these memories and... Can we talk?"

Puck inhaled deeply. The _last _thing he needed to do was talk to her. "I don't think we have a damn thing to talk about."

Rachel's eyes widened and filled with emotion. Her face was pleading. "Please, Noah? I think we have a lot to say."

Puck stared at her, his jaw flexing and his eyes set to make sure he conveyed absolutely no emotion. Talking to her would only stir up the shit he had buried away and had already moved on from. But she bravely stared back, her gaze wide and open and nearly desperate and, as it always happened when it came to Rachel, he felt himself weaken.

"Yeah…fine," he acquiesced, his voice conveying that he was unsure of her presence.

Rachel expelled the breath she'd been practically holding. "Can we go inside?" She nodded toward his apartment.

Puck looked from her to the apartment door and then shook his head. He wasn't letting her inside his apartment. No way in _hell. _Being alone with her would surely be more than he could handle and he didn't need to complicate shit any more than it already was. "Nah…Let's go get some coffee."

Rachel watched him turn and head back down the stairs. She bent and grabbed her purse and then quickly followed, her ears ringing from the blood racing through her body. As she followed him off the last step and out into the New York night, she silently hoped that she would say the right words in the right way. She needed him to _hear _her and not brush off everything she had to say.

Things could still be fixed…she knew it.

* * *

**Next up:** Puck and Rachel talk.

Only two chapters left!


	7. Confessions

**Author's note:** Happy August 2nd, everybody! (It's August 2nd here in the Eastern Time zone of the USA, anyway.)

* * *

Rachel walked by Puck's side, her shorter legs working to quickly to keep up with him as he briskly strode down the street. It was the middle of the night and, although she'd lived in New York for a few years, she still managed to be nervous about being out at this time of night, especially when she was in an unfamiliar neighborhood like the one in which Puck was temporarily living.

"Where are we going?" she finally questioned after walking without speaking for several minutes.

"Diner down the street. One of those weird New York places that stays open all the time," Puck answered, his voice still devoid of any emotion.

He slowed his pace when they approached the diner and then he opened the door, allowing Rachel to enter before following her inside. She slid into a booth near the back of the restaurant and Puck slid in across from her.

Rachel's eyes skimmed over Puck's face and she felt a smile curl the corner of her lips. He looked practically furious sitting there – stony jaw and dark eyes darting around the diner to avoid looking at her (and, she thinks, to hide what he was feeling) – but just being so close to him again made her nearly giddy with relief.

A waitress quickly came up to their table and Puck said, "I'll just have coffee. Black, please."

She turned toward Rachel and she shook her head. "I'm fine, thank you."

After shrugging, the waitress disappeared and Rachel turned her eyes back on Puck. "You look well," she said. She wasn't sure how to start the conversation. After all, how do you tell someone that you screwed up royally and that you want everything to go back to the way it was?

Puck exhaled, his tolerance for idle chitchat obviously nonexistent, and leaned back in his seat, his arms crossing. "What do you want, Rachel?"

The words, so forceful and full of exasperation, felt like a shock of cold water to the face. Sitting up a little straighter, Rachel cleared her throat. "Okay, so I take it you're not in the mood for small talk. That's fine. I understand. What I want, Noah, is to talk to you…about everything."

Puck thanked the waitress when she sat a mug and a full pot of coffee down in front of him and then he looked back at Rachel. "Everything? That's a pretty fucking broad subject, don't ya think? Besides, what's there to say about _anything_? It's over and done with now."

Rachel shook her head quickly. "But it's not…it's really not."

Puck took a sip of the bitter liquid he'd poured into his mug and then stared down into the cup before he spoke. "I don't know why you say that because, shit, you made your feelings about me well known last September. It's been almost a year, Rachel, a fucking _year. _And if you hadn't run into me, you wouldn't be saying anything now."

"That's not true, Noah. It's _not._" Rachel spat urgently before softening her voice. "I've wanted to talk to you for so long. I've wanted to call you for months but then I never really knew what to say…except for that was sorry. I _am _sorry. Things… Things didn't go well then. I didn't handle things the way I should have and it's…" she looked up at him, her eyes swimming with salty tears, "…it's killing me that it ended like it did when it shouldn't have ended at all."

Puck stared at her but didn't say anything. Rachel swallowed and then spoke again. "I really, honestly freaked out after the miscarriage. All I could think was that all those times that we spent locked away in a bedroom suddenly had very real consequences and it was just overwhelming. So I overreacted and, instead of talking to you about what I was feeling and what you were probably feeling after you found out, I just cut you out of my life. I thought it was the right thing to do at the time but now I know that it was the _dumbest,_ stupidest thing I could have done and I've regretted it every day since."

Puck stared at her for a moment and then blinked twice. His jaw flexed and she watched his knuckles tighten around the mug in his hands. "You said you were "thankful" that you lost our baby, Rachel." He didn't have to tell her how much that hurt because she could see it in his eyes and hear it in the thick way he said the words.

She slid her hand across the table and touched his, her fingers curling over his. "I'm sorry, Noah. I didn't use the right words. No, it wouldn't have been the right time to have a baby but my heart broke to find out that we lost it, it _did. _It took me months, absolutely _months_, to come to terms with the fact that losing the baby hurt so very much. When I miscarried, I lost a tangible part of you…part of _us _that was created because of what we did, because of the connection that we shared… and even though I didn't even know I was pregnant until it was too late, I still had all these emotions and confusion and I was just so, so torn… and then I lost you and… It's just been _too much_, Noah. I don't want to live like this anymore… wondering how you are and not being able to talk to you." She looked into his eyes, holding his gaze, even as tears spilled over her lids and onto her cheeks. "I miss you, Noah. I miss _us _and what we had, whatever it was. It shouldn't have ended."

Puck looked away, glancing out the window and out into the dark New York night. "I miss it, too," he admitted gently.

"Can we go back?"

Puck's heart began beat wildly in his chest, his mind spinning with the idea that maybe this thing with Rachel wasn't _really _over, that maybe it could be saved. "Are you saying that you want to start over?" His voice sounded hopeful for the first time all night. He tried not to feel too positive, though, because shit never, ever went his way.

"I would like to Noah, yes." She looked up at him through her lashes. "So, so much. It's just…" She paused and worry overtook her face. "I have to be honest with you and tell you that I have a boyfriend now and I need to end things with him," she said in a soft voice. "But it's nothing serious," she added once she saw his face harden so fast.

Puck stared at her, his jaw flexing. He wanted to say that he was surprised but honestly? If this whole thing with Rachel had taught him anything, it was to never be fucking surprised anymore. The short end of the stick was the only end he ever got. Still, he didn't, - no, couldn't – hide his anger. "Wow… _shit. _A fucking boyfriend, Rachel? You miss me and want to work things out but you have a _boyfriend_?"

Puck glared at her for a few seconds, gritting his teeth, before he reached into his back pocket and yanked out his wallet. Opening it, he pulled a few bills out and tossed them onto the table and began sliding out of the booth as he locked eyes with her. "So we really don't have anything left to fucking say, do we?"

"Noah!" Rachel panicked as he stood to leave. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going back to my apartment, Rachel. And in ten days, I'm going back to school. I can't do this anymore. I'm tired of wanting you and _never _getting you. So just forget it… forget everything, okay?"

"Please," she begged. "Wait, I can—" Her words died on her lips because Puck was gone, out the door of the diner and back out into the night.

She sat, her eyes tracing the scrapes on the table, as she tried to figure out what to do next. A tear fell from her eyes and dropped onto the table and she wiped it away with the open palm of her hand. _I didn't even get to ask him what it was that he was going to tell me that day. _

…

Puck didn't sleep that night. He tossed and turned, his mind replaying the conversation with Rachel over and over again. What was the fucking point of her even coming to see him if she had a boyfriend?

He flopped over onto his side and stared into the darkness. _If it was to make herself feel better, then I guess she succeeded. She got to say the shit she needed to. _Puck, however, felt like he still hadn't gotten to say a word. She'd done all the talking, telling him that she wanted to start again dropping the boyfriend bomb. Seriously, what had been the fucking point of it all?

Puck swore and kicked his covers off, pushing out of bed. As the morning of August 1st dawned over New York, he was pulling on some shorts and a shirt and heading out for a jog to clear his head. And then, on barely an hour of sleep, he would go play errand boy for the day and start _really _trying to forget Rachel.

* * *

Landon stared at Rachel as the words poured from her mouth. She'd called him at 7:30am and implored him to come see her as soon as he could. On his way into the _Times _office that morning, he'd diverted his taxi to Rachel's apartment, unease written on his face as soon as she'd let him inside.

Rachel had meant to just tell him that, although he was a lovely person, they simply couldn't continue their association as anything other than friends. After all, they hadn't even had sex yet and other than casual dating, there was no real connection.

But the short speech she'd had prepared was quickly tossed aside as she told Landon about Noah and about the miscarriage and about seeing him the night before and how everything had come crashing down around her.

She'd expected him to smile and understand and wish her luck because, she knew, that's the kind of guy he _was. _

But when he simply stared at her before finally muttering "whatever" and letting himself out of the apartment without a backward glance, Rachel realized that she'd never really gotten to know him at all. And because things with Noah were still up in the air and fixing _that _was all that mattered, she couldn't find it in her heart to have more than a twinge of guilt about the whole Landon thing anyway.

Moments after Landon was gone, Rachel had her phone up to her ear while she listened to it ring.

"Quinn, I know it's early but I need your advice."

…

The pounding on the door jolted Puck from where he'd fallen asleep on the couch in front of the television. Bleary-eyed from a day with almost no sleep and full of anger that he couldn't shake, he glanced at the clock. _11:54pm_. Worried that he was about to become some New York statistic, he glanced around his apartment looking for something to brandish as a weapon. Finding nothing, he swore and headed toward the door.

Rachel was standing in the hall when he yanked it open. There were tears on her cheeks and she immediately asked, "What were you going to tell me that day? The day I called to tell you about the miscarriage, you said you had something to talk to me about but I wanted to go first and then you never got the chance. What did you want to talk to me about?"

Puck's breath caught and he looked at her. She looked like she hadn't slept, lines under her eyes making them appear dark and sunken in. His insides screamed for her to just _go the fuck away _and leave him alone but he could tell, from the determined look on her face, that she wasn't about to do that.

Finally, he let out a sigh. He was tired of fighting with her. And he was exhausted from the battle that raged inside him. When he met her eyes, he let himself answer honestly. "That I realized that I wanted to be with you for real… wanted to see if you wanted to be my girlfriend… To see if maybe we could have made it work for more than just a few stupid days every August." Saying it out loud, nearly a year later, was a relief, even though he knew that saying those words was the same as offering his heart up on a platter to be discarded all over again.

Rachel's mouth opened and her eyes widened, her head tilting as she looked up at him. He watched a tear roll down from each eye and then she said, "I love you, Noah. I love you and I'm _sorry."_

He tried not to let her confession affect him, even though his mind and body screamed at him to _just fuckin' grab her already_, because he was_ done _with handing her his heart. "What about your boyfriend?" he asked.

"It's over. I told him today… I told him everything." Rachel's eyes implored him. "Can I come in?"

Puck pushed the door open and motioned her to come inside. When he closed the door and turned around, she was standing a foot away, staring at him.

"I'm serious, Noah… I love you. I think I've loved you since that first August 2nd when you carried me up to my room and put me to bed. I know I screwed up and I know how much I hurt you but…" she smiled at him, "…but I think you love me, too. And if you love me and I love you, there's no reason on the planet that we can't work things out, right?"

Puck didn't say anything, just glanced down at the floor and then away from Rachel and back towards the television.

"Say something, please?" she begged.

He turned his attention back toward her. "You were the one person I thought I could count on to always be there, Rachel. You'd been my supporter and my friend and this…this powerful force in my life for so many years and I always assumed that you'd be there. But then you call me to tell me that you had a miscarriage – lost _our _baby – and then, in the same breath, you tell me that you don't want me in your life anymore. And it just brought everything back. Quinn didn't want me when I was sixteen, you didn't want me last year. Hell, my own fucking father didn't want me. That shit stung, Rachel, and I am so goddamn tired of always ending up like that."

Rachel stepped toward him and put her hand on his chest, her eyes wide and expressive. "I _want _you, Noah. I've always wanted you. Even in high school, there was always a part of me that kept tabs on you. And I know we've "had" each other the past few years but I want you for real. No more pretending that we're just friends with benefits. No more pretending that my heart doesn't crack in half every August when you leave me again. I am sorry I made you feel unwanted. I wasn't thinking. I was honestly panicking and didn't know how to handle things. But it was _wrong _and I have missed you every day since. And when I saw you at that party in December and you walked away from me, I felt like another part of me died. I can't let that happen again… I can't lose you again. I _want _you too much."

He looked down at her, his eyes guarded. "What if I'm not willing to try again? Every time I get involved with someone, I end up getting shit on. It gets fucking old, ya know? My life is a lot easier when I don't let anyone in."

Rachel stroked her hand down his abdomen and Puck's hand traveled up, cupping his over hers to stop her from touching him. It was too fucking distracting.

"I know you've been hurt and I _hate _that I added to it but I'm trying to get you to understand that I know I was wrong and that I want to be with you… for real. And not just on August 2nd."

Puck laughed bitterly, glancing at the clock. "It's August 2nd now, Rach."

She bit her lip and blinked. "I know. Believe me, I know."

"What?" Puck glanced down at the way she chewed her lip. "Did you purposefully wait to show up until now?"

Rachel bobbed her head. "Yes. I broke up with Landon more than 14 hours ago. Since then, I've been trying to rest and have been talking to Quinn and I just… I wanted to wait… I'm all about symbolism, you know. And we started this thing in the early hours of August 2nd and I thought that we needed to make it official then, too."

"You're not going to give up, are you?" he asked, a smirk tugging at the corner of the lips.

Rachel beamed at him because, _oh, _how she missed that smirk. "Not a chance in hell. I know what I want, Noah Puckerman, and I _get _what I want. And that's you...on _our _day."

Puck laughed again and this time it was genuine and from deep inside. And then his arm shot around her waist and he pulled her flush against his body. He looked down at her and their eyes locked. "I guess I should probably get all emotional and honest and shit and tell you that I love you, too, right?"

She nodded, tears in the corner of her eyes. "I know you do. But it's still wonderful to hear."

She laid her head on his chest and closed her eyes. She felt him place a gentle kiss against her forehead and then both his arms went around her back, holding her tightly.

"So we're starting over again, right? And there's no boyfriend now, right?"

Rachel tilted her head toward him and laughed. "Yes, we are starting again but yes, there is a boyfriend."

Puck stared at her, his mouth open like he was about to let go a string of swear words, and then she laughed and smacked his chest. "_You, you _idiot."

Instead of responding and getting so fucking emotional that he had to turn over his balls (because he was planning on using them in a few minutes), he bent his head and kissed her as hard as he could. It was almost bruising and their teeth even clashed a few times but he didn't care. He'd missed the way she'd tasted and the feel of her lips as they moved over his. He'd definitely missed the way she felt in his arms. Actually, he just missed every single part of her.

When they pulled away, Rachel grinned and tucked her head against his chest again. Not letting go of her, he maneuvered her over towards the couch and then let go of her long enough to snag the remote and turn the television off. Then he grabbed her hand and took it, pulling her towards the small bedroom.

That August 2nd, Puck took his time with her. He made her fly apart for him over and over again before ever finally allowing himself to sink back into her body for the first time in a year. And as he moved with her, as they rocked together like they'd done so many times before, he was nearly overwhelmed with relief. He never thought he'd be here again. Yeah, he still had to go back to school in a week and a half and so his time with Rachel was still limited. And when he returned to campus to begin his senior year of college, she'd be back in New York. But for the first time, she'd officially be his_ – _not the friend from high school that he slept with every summer and spent the rest of the year missing – but _his. _

His Rachel.

But then again, she always had been. It was just sure as fuck nice to make it official.

* * *

**Next (and last) chapter**: We visit with Rachel and Puck for one last August 2nd.

And if you're in the mood for a fun AU story, head on over to my new fic, "Both Sides of the Fence" featuring farmer!Puck and popstar!Rachel. I'm seriously in love with this 'verse right now. It's so much fun!


	8. Through the Years

The first time she was his, really _his _in every way, they were in the final moments of their childhood. Summer break was drawing to a close and as it did, the responsibilities of growing up were rushing toward them. But that first time he came to her wasn't about the future – not about what would happen the next day or even the next week - but about what was left of the past they'd shared in the halls and classrooms of William McKinley High School. Things unfinished and questions that quite possibly didn't even have any answers propelled him her way.

He would come to her again, the next year and then the next until they were anything but kids. They'd both experienced pain and heartbreak and intense love and numbing loss. And all of it had been at the hands of one another. But thanks to one particular August 2nd – the one they'd shared after miscarriage, fear, and disappointment had nearly destroyed what they'd built - they finally made the leap toward something with a solid foundation; to something based on more than just a few stolen days each August.

But on this particular August 2nd, just a year after Rachel had hunted him down and poured her heart out to him in a diner in New York City, she was sitting in the middle of her walk-in closet in her bedroom in Lima, dividing her clothing into two stacks. She'd already done this once, years ago on that very first August 2nd, but it was time to do it again. Out in her bedroom, the floor was covered with boxes and the walls were bare. Shelves had been packed up and pictures taken down. She was officially moving out of her father's home. When she was done, all that would be left would be her furniture. The walls would still be yellow and the room would probably always smell like her favorite lotion but after tomorrow, it would officially _not _be her room anymore.

She heard the knock on the door downstairs and looked up at the clock. It was nearly midnight and when the clock flipped to 12am, it would be August 2nd. Grinning, she hurried down the steps before her fathers woke up. When she pulled the door open, Puck was leaning against the jamb, a bottle of wine dangling between his long fingers. "Hey babe," he said. He walked inside and closed the door, pulling her against him to brush his lips across her mouth. When he pulled away, he wordlessly grabbed her hand and pulled her upstairs to her room. As the door was closed, he pressed her against it and pushed her tank top up to settle his hands on the soft skin of her hips.

"Noah," she protested against his lips, "we have to be leaving early. What are you doing here?"

Puck pulled away and shrugged before reaching into his pocket to pull out a corkscrew. He expertly removed the cork from the bottle, held it up toward Rachel and said, "it's our day, babe," before he took a swig and then passed it to Rachel. She took a hesitant sip and then sat it down by her bed. Sliding to the floor, she motioned for Puck to join her. There they sat side by side, their backs against the white frame.

"You're not going to try to get me drunk and have your way with me again like the first time, are you?" Rachel asked with a sleepy smile.

Puck chuckled and shook his head. "D'you know that I had a big speech prepared that night? I had all this shit I wanted to say to you and then I just got you drunk instead and put you to bed."

Rachel twined her fingers with his. "And then you woke me up and got me naked and…," she said as she raised his hand to brush her lips over his fingers, "…as they say, the rest is history."

Puck took another chug off the wine bottle and passed it back to Rachel.

"What were you going to say to me that night?"

Puck shook his head and said, "Just a buncha shit about wondering if you wanted me as much as I'd wanted you for-fucking-ever…"

Rachel smiled at the memory of their first night together and then took another pull off the wine bottle. She rarely ever drank and her head was already starting to swim.

"I did, you know," she admitted.

Laughing, Puck tugged her into his lap and slid the straps of her tank top down to bare her shoulders to his hands and his mouth. "I know, baby, I know."

Rachel melted against his body, trading soft kisses with him as she slowly rocked her body against his lap. When she felt him respond between her thighs, she grinned and stood up, pulling her shirt over her head before pushing her shorts down. Looking over her shoulder, she said, "Joining me in bed?"

Puck was up and undressing seconds later. He snapped off the bedroom light as he crawled in with her, curling up behind her and tucking her body against his.

"I've missed this," he said into her hair. "Two fucking weeks sleeping at my ma's house has been torture."

Rachel nodded against the pillows as she rubbed her body against his. "I can't believe my fathers wouldn't let you sleep over. It's ridiculous. We're moving _in _together. It's not like we're _not _having sex."

Puck laughed and nuzzled her neck, his lips ghosting over the soft flesh. "If they only knew."

Rachel shook with a silent giggle and rolled onto her back to look up at him. "I'm excited to leave tomorrow, Noah. I'm really, really ready to officially start our lives."

Not good with all the emotional shit, Puck just nodded and kissed Rachel again. Gently nudging her back into her previous position on her side, he ran his hands over her hips and up her back until she groaned her approval.

"Baby, you gotta be quiet," he whispered against her neck.

Rachel backed her body against him, grabbing a hand and dropping it heavily to her breast in a silent invitation. He immediately palmed and then twisted the nipple, tugging on it hard enough to make her cry out and for her body to throb inside. "I need you, Noah…please," she keened.

Happy to comply, Puck pressed himself inside her and they were soon lost to everything but each other again.

* * *

Early the next morning, Puck was standing in Rachel's driveway, hugging his mother awkwardly as she sobbed into his shirt. He made a face at the muffled noises she was emitting, afraid she was going to get snot all over his shirt as she cried heavy tears and kept muttering, "My baby is growing up." He stepped away from her with a roll of his eyes and ruffled his sister's hair.

"Don't get mugged in New York, Noah," she advised, her voice full of the wisdom she'd garnered through her years as his little sister. "Ooh, wait, did you pack your nunchucks? 'Cause I think, if you keep those in your pocket, you should be fine."

Puck laughed and shook his head. "The nunchucks are going with me, Sarah, but I'll get thrown in jail if I use 'em on the streets of New York. I'll just have to use my fists of fury, instead. But I'll be fine, I promise."

Sarah beamed up at him and then, in an action completely unbecoming of a 14 year old girl, threw her arms around his waist and hugged him tight. When she let go, she quickly smoothed her hair and stepped away, embarrassment on her face. Puck's mom let out a big snort as she blew into a Kleenex and Puck shook his head in exasperation. "Ma, I've gone away before. Four years of college? Only coming home after your bitchin' and moanin' forced me to? Remember that whole thing?"

Maggie shook her head. "I know, honey…but now you're _moving_ to New York City. That's very different from going away to school. And you're going to have rent and bills and you'll have to remember to actually cook your own food instead of eating in the campus cafeteria and there's so much crime and you could be gang raped and just—"

Rachel stepped around the front of the U-Haul and put her hand reassuringly on Maggie's arm. "I'll take care of him, Maggie, I promise. I've been living in New York for four years already and I promise that I won't let the city eat him alive, okay?"

Nodding, Maggie grabbed Rachel by the shoulders and pulled her into a rough hug. A few feet away, her fathers chuckled and met Puck's eyes over the hood of the rental truck. They shared looks of exasperation before Rachel was able to wriggle from Maggie's grasp.

She turned toward her fathers and silently, they wrapped their arms around her and pulled her into a hug. "Have a safe trip back, pumpkin. We'll be there for your opening in three weeks, okay?"

Rachel nodded into their chests and then pulled away. Puck stepped up to her fathers and shook both their hands. "Take good care of our daughter, Noah."

"Yes, sirs…I promise," he said honestly. Then he turned toward Rachel. "Ya ready to go, babe?"

Rachel nodded at him and with a final smile to each of the faces looking at them, she pulled open the door and climbed into the U-Haul. Once they were buckled inside, they rolled down their windows, waved, and yelled their goodbyes. Then Puck backed down the driveway and they were gone.

They drove silently for a few minutes as Rachel watched the scenery and thought about the journey ahead, which subsequently drew her mind to the journey already behind them. A year ago, she and Noah had worked things out and had, at last, officially committed to one another. And then he'd gone back to Pittsburgh to finish his senior year of college while she stayed in New York. They made the whole long distance thing work because, she'd learned, it was a lot easier to maintain what they had when they didn't need to tiptoe around how they felt anymore. They'd survived the year apart and Puck had graduated two months before. He'd crashed at her tiny apartment as he'd looked for a job and had found a full-time one in music production at, of all places, the label he'd interned with the summer before. Rachel's run in _The Fantasticks _had ended three months prior and she was glad because she had been ready for something different. That change came in the form of a new show, this time _on_ Broadway. She'd landed a role in _Mamma Mia! _and would take over as lead in just a few weeks. But before he started his job and she started her new show, they had to get their home settled.

Rachel grinned at the thought. _Their home. _She couldn't believe that, on the fifth August 2nd since their first one, they were officially moving in together. She thought she'd never get to that point with him. Nearly two years ago now, when her heart was breaking and she was saying goodbye, she never dreamed that they'd be where they were. When the U-Haul hit a bump and shook Rachel from her thoughts, she realized that the road they were on going to lead them in the right direction. "Noah," she corrected, "the interstate is back the other way."

Puck grinned and continued to watch the road. "I know, babe. We've got one last stop before we leave Lima."

Rachel stared at him curiously and then smiled with recognition as she realized where they were going. They pulled down a bumpy road and into a field, the truck bouncing along. When they pulled to a stop, they were back in the grove of trees on Puck's uncle's land where they'd spent their last evening together during that _first _August when they were both 18 years old and heat lightning had performed an intricate dance in the skies above them.

Puck hopped out of the truck and grabbed a blanket that Rachel knew was the same one from when they'd been here before. She unbuckled her belt and slid out of the truck as he was spreading the blanket across the ground. When it was smoothed out, he leered at her suggestively and wordlessly invited her toward the blanket.

Rachel groaned at the look on his face. "I'm not a reckless 18-year-old anymore, Noah. If you think I'm crazy enough to have sex outside with you now, you're absolutely—"

"—right," Puck finished for her. He smirked at her and fished a condom from his pocket, tossing it down on the blanket before he crawled over to where Rachel was and snagged her around the waist, nudging her shirt up slightly and pressing a kiss to her exposed skin.

Rachel sighed and wilted against him, allowing him to pull her to the ground and push her flat onto her back. She looked up at him, her eyes trusting and open, and gave him that shy, sweet smile he knew was reserved just for him. When their eyes locked, he said in a soft voice, "I know this isn't the most exciting August 2nds we've had…but if you think about it, it might be one of the most important."

Rachel blinked as she looked up at him and then arched her back off the blanket so that she could kiss him. When she pulled away, she answered, "They've all been important in their own ways."

Puck grinned. "And they've sure as fuck all been fun."

She thought about the Augusts they shared together and then her mind landed on the baby she'd conceived and lost. And then she thought about how she lost him for a while, too. Puck saw her face change and he shook his head, dipping to kiss her lips. When he pulled away, he said, "No sad thoughts. That's all over and done with. This is a fuckin' great day, babe."

Rachel watched him yank his shirt over his head and then push his shorts to the ground. Realizing that he was already hard, she groaned and reached for him, wrapping her fingers around him. He closed his eyes, let out a hiss through his teeth, and pushed her hand away to drop onto the blanket beside her. Kissing her again, he slid his fingers along her thighs and up beneath her short skirt. Curling his fingers around the edges of her panties, he quickly tugged them down and off her legs. She opened her thighs for him and he pressed himself between them, bending to kiss her as he'd done countless times before.

She kissed him for every August 2nd they spent together and then kissed him a little harder for the year they spent apart.

He kissed her for _this _August 2nd because she was his.

She kissed him for every August 2nd to come.

And then she pulled away, pushed him onto his back, and grabbed the foil packet from the blanket to tear it open. Biting her lip and grinning at him, she ran her hands over his chest and then leaned down, quickly sheathing him before pressing her forehead to his. "Let's get this show on the road, Puckerman. We need to get back home to New York."

* * *

The August 2nd that they moved in together in New York would not be the last important one. Just a year later, they'd be moving again, this time into a tiny, cramped brownstone in a revitalized neighborhood in Brooklyn. With a real, honest to God mortgage staring them down, Rachel had spent that particular August 2nd having a minor panic attack while Puck stroked her back and promised her that they wouldn't default and be thrown out into the harsh New York streets. Two years later and in much more positive spirits, they would be at the doctor's office waiting to learn the sex of a baby that _would_ be carried to term and was very much wanted. Fast forward two more years and Puck would _finally _propose to her while they were tangled in the sheets of an artsy hotel in the shadow of the Eiffel Tower, part of a surprise Parisian vacation for which he'd secretly been saving up money for months. Three years later, Nicholas would start kindergarten and Rachel would have her understudy step in for the evening performance of _Wicked _so that she could stay home and properly cry about the fact that her baby boy was growing up. Two years later, Liliana would take her first steps while Puck filmed, Rachel shrieked, and Nicholas looked up from his video game long enough to give his baby sister a half-smile.

But not all August 2nds were memorable. Some passed by in a blur, full of piano lessons and dance recitals and Broadway matinees and album launches and occasional huge blowups that landed Puck on the cold, uncomfortable couch. No matter where they were or what was going on, though, they'd always find at least a few minutes to step away from the madness, send the kids to their rooms, and find their way to one another. And then he'd throw his arm across her shoulders and she'd drop her hand to curve around his waist and they'd both remember that one spontaneous visit on one steamy night in August changed everything.

~~_**fin**_~~

**

* * *

****Author's note**: Happy Birthday, Mark!


End file.
